- Bob Corey: [after Quong closes his eyes] Can't you help us, doc? Can't you do something?
- Quong's Doctor: [after opening Quong's eyelid] I'm afraid the next time he talks it'll be to his ancestors.
- Lysa Radoff: How do you fit into the picture, Mr. Connolly?
- Steve Connelly: I work for Lou - new boy - sort of a handyman.
- Lysa Radoff: And where did he find you?
- Steve Connelly: A sale... war surplus... big reduction.
- Bonnie Willis: He's not only cute - he's funny.
- Steve Connelly: Part of my job. Evey hour on the hour, a joke.
- Lysa Radoff: Lou likes jokes. He'll like you. You're amusing, Mr. Connolly... and hard.
- Steve Connelly: It's a hard world.
- Ben Arno: ... I figured all the business must have gone west, and I came out to look things over... found a place out on Sunset Strip... looked good. Then i tried to get a loan. No dice. "The banks like to see a sure thing," they said. "For instance?" I said. Something certain. I said, "All right. What's certain?" Two things... death and taxes. So I got to thinking, who comes to California? There's the ones who come here to live and the ones who come here to die. I couldn't get the live ones without a nightclub - so meet Ben Arno - mortician.
- Police Captain Garcia: [to Sgt. Pluther, who's firing a fleeing suspect] Hold it. You're liable to hit a taxpayer.
- Sybil: I saw these pair of legs coming down the hall. Living so close to the floor most of the time, I can tell a lot about people from their shoes. I didn't like this pair right off - too shiny.