- [Pickwick is angry at Mrs. Bardell's lawyers over her breach-of-promise suit, and they are goading him]
- Dodson: Perhaps you'd like to call us swindlers, sir. Pray do so if you feel disposed, ah pray do, sir.
- Samuel Pickwick: I do. You ARE swindlers.
- Dodson: Very good. You'd better call us thieves, sir. Perhaps you'd like to assault one of us.
- Fogg: Pray do so, if you would. We would make not the slightest resistance.
- Sam Weller: [realizes what's happening and steps in to save Mr. Pickwick] You just come away, sir. Battledore and shuttlecock's a *wery* good game... provided you ain't the shuttlecock and two lawyers ain't the battledores.
- Nathaniel Winkle: Gentlemen, Mr. Jingle is the viper in our midst.
- Samuel Pickwick: Viper?
- Nathaniel Winkle: Viper, sir.
- Tracy Tupman: Nonsense, Winkle.
- Samuel Pickwick: Nonsense, Winkle.
- Augustus Snodgrass: N-nonsense, Winkle.
- Nathaniel Winkle: Very well, then... we shall see.
- Mr. Jingle: Miss Wardle... forgive intrusion... no time for ceremony... all is discovered!
- Rachel Wardle: Zat?
- Mr. Jingle: Sshh... fat boy... scoundrel... treacherous dog... told old lady... old lady furious... raving.
- Rachel Wardle: My mother?
- Mr. Jingle: You and Tuppy.
- Rachel Wardle: Tuppy?
- Mr. Jingle: Kissing in greenhouse.
- Rachel Wardle: Ah! Mr. Jingle, if you're trying to insult me.
- Mr. Jingle: On the contrary... overheard fat boy... come to warn you... dreadful danger... tender my services... prevent hub-bub... other hand... think it an insult... leave room.
- Rachel Wardle: What shall I do? My brother will be furious!
- Mr. Jingle: No possible doubt... outrageous.
- Rachel Wardle: Oh, Mr. Jingle, what can I say?
- Mr. Jingle: Ah. Say, um, say he dreamed it. Nothing simpler... fat boy horsewhipped... your word believed... end of matter. One word of warning: beware of false hearts beating beneath smiling face.
- Rachel Wardle: Whoever do you mean?
- Mr. Jingle: Wild horses wouldn't drag... only wants you for your money.
- Rachel Wardle: You're referring to Mr. Tupman?
- Mr. Jingle: Lips sealed... old friend... ladykiller... loves another.
- Rachel Wardle: Another? Who?
- Mr. Jingle: Niece... Emily.
- Rachel Wardle: My niece. It can't be. I won't believe it.
- Mr. Jingle: Watch him.
- Rachel Wardle: I will.
- Mr. Jingle: Watch his looks... his whispers. He'll sit next to her at table. He'll flatter her and cut you.
- Rachel Wardle: Cut me?
- Mr. Jingle: Dead... you'll see for yourself.
- Rachel Wardle: I will indeed!
- Mr. Jingle: You'll cast him out?
- Rachel Wardle: I will!
- Mr. Jingle: You'll take another?
- Rachel Wardle: Yes!
- Mr. Jingle: You shall. I shall be that man! A worship from first... devoted slave... in a torment... sleepless nights... fortune of my own...
- [examines the jewel on her finger]
- Mr. Jingle: love you for yourself... death do us part... dare I hope.
- Rachel Wardle: Oh, Mr. Jingle.
- [she faints in his arms]
- Samuel Pickwick: [to Mr. Jingle] Sir! I have only this to say to you, sir: I might have taken a greater revenge for the indignities which I've suffered at your hands; but I will content myself with exposing you, sir - which is a duty I feel I owe to society.
- Mr. Jingle: [to the others present] Good fellow, Pickwick... fine heart... a stout old boy... but a little odd... slightly eccentric.
- Samuel Pickwick: I will add this, sir: I consider you to be a ruffian, sir. And a rascal, sir. And worse than any man I've ever seen... or even heard of!
- Mr. Nupkins: Sir! Do you admit you're an impostor?
- Mr. Jingle: Never admit anything, sir... bad for liver.