Quotes

Joies matrimoniales

Ann: David, if you want your freedom, I don't want to be the kind of a wife who clings to her husband when she's not wanted.
David: Darling, I do want to be married to you. I love you. I worship you. I am used to you. How do we always get into these things?
Ann: If my only hold on you is that you're used to me?
David: Oh, darling, you've got the whole thing wrong. I don't know what I'd do without you. You are my little girl.

Store Manager: Miss Krausheimer, we understood you were a single woman. As an aid to to the unemployment crisis, it is our policy not to employ married women.

David: Either our noses have changed or they've - built a livery stable around here somewhere.
Ann: It's not exactly Chanel 5.

David: If you are referring to New Year's Eve, I don't think that that drunk had any right to pick up your garter and wave it around.
Ann: It wasn't my garter. I showed you both of my garters.
David: That was after you'd gone into the ladies room and gotten Julie's garters.
Ann: They were my garters!
David: They were Julie's garters!
Ann: How do you know they were Julie's garters?
David: I know they weren't *your* garters.

David: Isn't it a little crowded in here? Couldn't we go someplace where it was - quieter? Maybe a little darker?
Gertie: No, cookie. We'll go to one of them dark, romantic places later. We're eatin' first. You ever been here?
David: Oh, yes, often. That's why I wanted to go some place that was darker.
Gertie: I don't get it.

Gloria: You know, I think Gertie's right. We should have ordered some chop suey.
Chuck Benson: What's a matter, baby? Don't cha like pheasant?
Gloria: No. I like some chop suey.
Chuck Benson: Just pour some ketchup on it. Hey, waiter, bring us some ketchup!

Mr. Ashley Custer: Any of your family from the South?
Ann: Well, no, not exactly. But, I had a relative in the Civil War who didn't fight at all. He was a slacker.
Mr. Ashley Custer: A great many Northerners saw it that way, ma'am, and I give them credit.

David: Let me tell you something. I know of no finer compliment that I could pay to any girl than to tell you this. That when a man has been sitting across the breakfast table from the same woman for three solid years and still wants to marry her; well, she's quite a girl.

Mr. Ashley Custer: What kind of white trash have you taken up now?
Jeff Custer: Now, father, I know it sounds very confusing.
Mr. Ashley Custer: I wasn't confused at all. What's he doing with a hot water bottle on her stomach?
Mrs. Custer: And sending his shorts to launder?
Mr. Ashley Custer: Three years breakfast?
Jeff Custer: Well, they had a very peculiar relationship.

David: What can I do for you?
Mr. Harry Deever: Were you married in Beacham in March 1937?
David: Yes I was.
Mr. Harry Deever: Well you know... Beacham is on the other side of the river and it was always incorporated in Brenda County, but you see Brenda County is in Idaho and so... well, you follow me, don't you?
David: [confused] Yes. Yes.
Mr. Harry Deever: Well we in Beacham found out we had no right to be incorporated in Brenda County because from the other side of the Bass River we belong in Nevada
David: Well, well, well.
Mr. Harry Deever: Yes, well we just found out that anybody who got married between 1936 and now with an Idaho license in Nevada... well it isn't legal.
David: What do you mean it isn't legal?
Mr. Harry Deever: Now, now I don't want you to be frightened or upset or anything, but there's been a kind of a mistake. You're not legally married.
David: [puzzled] What's that?
Mr. Harry Deever: Oh, you really are married and everything, but there's a little technicality. It's perfectly allright you understand. Common Law and everything, but we figured in case of deaths and wills and births... you know, children. We figured it'd be better if everybody kinda got married again. Just to be on the safe side... and The Chamber of Commerce is sending me around to everybody to tell 'em. And we give you your two dollars back and you can use it to get another license.
David: [Deever hands David the $2 and he laughs] Kind of funny isn't it?
Mr. Harry Deever: Yes.

Jeff Custer: I envy you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I was in your shoes.
David: Yes, she's a great kid.

Ann: I've always had a suspicion about you. So did my mother. Your forehead slants back too much!

Harold - Taxi Driver: You ain't gonna catch her in anything. She's pretty foxy.
David: Oh, I don't know.
Harold - Taxi Driver: You know what we ought to do, you and me?
David: What?
Harold - Taxi Driver: Let's go to a bur-le-que show. This dame ain't gonna to nothin' this afternoon.
David: In the afternoon is when you catch them.
Harold - Taxi Driver: You're kiddin'. That's funny.
David: What is?
Harold - Taxi Driver: Where does my wife go every afternoon?

Ann: As long as we live we must never change that rule.
David: That's right.
Ann: You know, if every married couple had it there would never be a divorce. They ought to put it in the marriage ceremony. You are not allowed to leave the bedroom after a quarrel unless you've made up.

Ann: Taking your hat off in an elevator doesn't make a man out of you - You can teach a monkey to do that!

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