Coffins on Wheels

An MGM CRIME DOES NOT PAY Short Subject

A crooked car dealer sells COFFINS ON WHEELS, used cars which are dangerously unfit to be on the road.

This little film served as an admonition to car buyers to only purchase vehicles from reputable dealers. It is well made and fast moving, getting its message across effectively.

Darryl Hickman plays the tragic young Billy. Allan Lane is the determined police lieutenant. The vile car dealer is performed by Cy Kendall and his sleazy salesman by an uncredited John Gallaudet.

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Often overlooked or neglected today, the one and two-reel short subjects were useful to the Studios as important training grounds for new or burgeoning talents, both in front & behind the camera. The dynamics for creating a successful short subject was completely different from that of a feature length film, something akin to writing a topnotch short story rather than a novel. Economical to produce in terms of both budget & schedule and capable of portraying a wide range of material, short subjects were the perfect complement to the Studios' feature films.

A crooked used-car dealer buys a wreck for $20, slaps some paint on it and sells to to Darryl Hickman. Its brakes fails almost immediately in this cautionary CRIME DOES NOT PAY short.

We see the dealer's "mechanic" fix the brakes using asbestos-covered paper, then another man complains about his car. This one goes to the police, who can do nothing save point out the flaws and useless "repairs" on his car; the contract says the car was sold "as is". When Hickman takes his brother and friends for an outing, however, it becomes more than a matter of money....



This MGM series told a lot of cautionary tales about rackets in its first few years. This is a pretty good one.

This is a well done but predictable short from the series popular during the early '40s illustrating that crime does not pay.

Used car dealer (CY KENDALL) uses smooth talk and unethical tactics to convince buyers they're getting a good deal when it comes to purchasing a used car. In actuality, they're getting cars that have been superficially painted and customized cheaply to correct whatever flaws existed.

A teen-ager (who looks much too young to be driving in the first place) is gullible enough to buy a car that is really a pile of junk painted over and given a few gimmicky things to make it appear like a real buy. What he doesn't know is that the brakes are weak. A strip of asbestos around the brake drum is used to fix a brake problem.

The dealers protect themselves by selling the autos in a condition described as "sold as is." An elderly gent is sold a car that has serious clutch problems but is denied a return on his money when he makes a complaint.

It's up to the D.A. (ALLAN LANE) to bring the bad guys to court after a serious accident kills one boy (DARRYL HICKMAN) and puts the other into the hospital.

"These cars would have been a death trap even if the brakes had held," says someone after court proceedings are over and the men are convicted and sent to jail.

At the end, we hear the narrator say: "This case must serve as a warning to the public."

Summing up: Good public service announcement, fast moving and swift in making its point.

Maybe. It was a less cynical time. Plus the idea of a used car was relatively new. Ordinary people could only afford a car once the Model T's started coming off the line in 1908, and cars were built to last in those times.

So this episode in MGM's "Crime Does Not Pay" series is about racketeering used car salesmen. By racketeering I think that they just meant completely dishonest, because there seems to be no mob involvement. It opens with the dishonest salesman closing the deal on a car to an older fellow who needs the car to make deliveries and hold his job. The car breaks down shortly thereafter, and when the dealership tells him to get lost he goes to the police. Odd how the police department would have time to go over a bad used car with a consumer, but apparently here they do. The police mechanics tell the owner that the car was a former taxi and probably has over 200K miles on it. Examinations of the sales contract and the bill of sale don't hold any guarantees, so the police can do nothing in this case.

But then there are a couple of kids right out of an MGM family film screenplay that buy one of the lemon cars, and you just know this is going to end badly in a way that will get the criminals on the hook. You'd be right or else this would not be a "Crime Does Not Pay" entry.

A couple of things I took away from this. The introduction does not say that this scenario is exactly true. It is probably just representative of a number of actual cases. Also, why is everybody being raised by their grandparents in this short? The salesman who has a little daughter and buys the first lemon car looks like he is at least 50. The man who is the father of the teen who buys the second lemon car looks at least 60. Maybe the decade long depression the country had just come out of aged people badly, but it is very noticeable.

Still, a worthy entry in the MGM series if you are a fan.

This is a predictable short of the "Crime Does Not Pay" series. No surprises, but it does hold one's interest for the 15-20 minutes of the film. It also provides an historical perspective for our current consumer protection laws. This short is broadcast occasionally on TCM.