- Moe Pink: Didn't you say you had an uncle?
- Curly Q. Link: Yeah, uncle Bob O. Link, but the family didn't speak to him. He had millions.
- Moe Pink: That's it! We're rich.
- Larry Mink: We're filthy with dough!
- Moe Pink: You're filthy without it.
- Curly Q. Link: Pardon me, I...
- Detective: Who're you?
- Curly Q. Link: [indignantly] I'm Curly Q. Link!
- Detective: Oh, you're the missing Link!
- Curly Q. Link: No, I'm da found Link! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
- Jerkington: [creepily] Goodnight, gentlemen. I hope you have a nice LONG sleep.
- Moe Pink: Thanks, Dracula.
- Moe Pink: [finds a horseshoe in his soup] Why you numbskull, we sent you to the butcher shop for meat, not the glue factory.
- [hits Curly with the horseshoe]
- Larry Mink: He's trying to poison us, that's what.
- Moe Pink: You get out of this house before I split your throat from ear to ear you Lucrezia Borgia.
- Curly Q. Link: If that means what I think it does...
- Moe Pink: So what?
- Curly Q. Link: So I'll go.
- Moe Pink: Hark, who goes there?
- Curly Q. Link: Friend or enemy?
- Larry Mink: Give us the countersign.
- Moe Pink, Curly Q. Link, Larry Mink: [Detective slaps all three of them] Pass, friend.
- Moe Pink: Blow out the candle.
- Curly Q. Link: Oh, no. Then it'll be dark in here. I'm scared. I might see a ghost.
- Moe Pink: Blow it out, I said, or I'll blow out your brains. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
- Curly Q. Link: A reasonable facsimile of...? All right.
- Curly Q. Link: [reading his uncle's will] "To my niece, Elisa Link, I leave one million, two hundred fifty thousand dollars. To my nephew, Curly Q. Link..." That's me! That's me!
- Larry Mink: Yes! Yes!
- Moe Pink: How much. How much?
- Curly Q. Link: "To my nephew, Curly Q. Link, I leave a sum total of sixty seven cents, net."
- Moe Pink: [in despair] Sixty seven cents!
- Curly Q. Link: Sixty seven cents!
- Larry Mink: Sixty seven cents!
- [they hit each other, pull out their own hair and say it over and over again until fade out]
- Larry Mink: Here's one. "Wanted: Gravediggers."
- Moe Pink: No, no, too morbid.
- Curly Q. Link: Da morbid, da merrier! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
- Curly Q. Link: You know my name is Curly Q. Link!
- Larry Mink: What's the "Q" stand for? Quincy?
- Curly Q. Link: No.
- Moe Pink: Quillip?
- Curly Q. Link: No.
- Moe Pink: What does the "Q" stand for?
- Curly Q. Link: Cuff.
- Larry Mink: Oh, Cuff Link!
- Moe Pink: Didn't you say you were born in Oxford?
- Curly Q. Link: I can't remember. I was born awfully young.
- Curly Q. Link: Suppose the murderer comes back again?
- Moe Pink: Shut up! You got nothing to worry about. If he stabs you in the head, he'll wreck his knife.
- Larry Mink: [trying to fall asleep, a skeleton skull bonks him on the head] Ooh!
- [nudges Moe]
- Larry Mink: Hey, what's the idea of hittin' me in the head?
- Moe Pink: I didn't hit you on the head. Yet.
- [Moe bonks Larry on the head]
- Moe Pink: [forcing Curly back to bed, thinking he's seeing things] If you so much as breathe, I'll your tonsils out and tie it around your neck for a bowtie!
- Curly Q. Link: It's dark in here!
- Moe Pink: I can see the darkness!
- [finds Curly standing on his and Larry's shoulders]
- Moe Pink: Oh it's you! Boy will you come on?
- Curly Q. Link: [gets down] I don't like darkness!