- Hannah Bainbridge: My ancestors came over on the Mayflower.
- Fay Lawrence: Oh, you're lucky. Now we have immigration laws.
- Tony Ferris: I've been working on some new promotion angles. Fay, I can make another "Show Boat" out of this. Why, the idea's cooking now.
- Fay Lawrence: Yeah, I bet it'll be half-baked.
- Hubert Bainbridge: I have a niece.
- Tony Ferris: I have ulcers. And, compared to my other troubles, my ulcers are a pleasure.
- Tony Ferris: You know I've been mad about ya from the first time I laid eyes on ya. You're my whole world. What do you wanna do, drive me to a madhouse?
- Fay Lawrence: No, I'll call you a taxi.
- Hannah Bainbridge: Essential? What is more essential than the moral welfare of our young people in these times?
- Hubert Bainbridge: You should see what she does with her hips. Why, it's practically the hoochie coochie.
- Tony Ferris: Now about your niece. I may put her in the show. That is, if you'll do something for me, too. You know, you scratch my back, I scratch yours.
- Hubert Bainbridge: Well, mine doesn't itch, but I'd be very glad to scratch yours.
- Tony Ferris: Who've you got?
- Shore - the Agent: Well, I've got Lucille Wright, Chiquita Benton, Stafford and Lynn, Bill Weston and His Seven Swing-Slingers.
- Tony Ferris: No, that's no good.
- Shore - the Agent: No good? What do you mean, "no good"? Who do you want? Shostakovich and his seven symphonies?
- Lina: [singing] Chiqui-chiqui-chiqui, chiqui-cha, Antonio, Antonio, He is such a Romeo, Antonio, Antonio, he is so magnífico, He tries American tactics, Makes eyes wherever he be, Now I'm so mad I could kill him, Why doesn't he make eyes at me?
- Tony Ferris: You're a real pal, Mac. I'm gonna make you stage manager in the new show.
- Mac - the Headwaiter: Thank you, Mr Ferris. I can do the black-face too, you know.
- Fay Lawrence: Why, you don't know that guy. Why, this is terrible! Why, if he'd have been with Washington, he'd have double-crossed the Delaware.
- Hazel Scott - Organ Player: [singing] When the black keys meet the white keys on Piano Avenue, Do they music? They do, They swing it in G, Corner of Keyboard Street, The black and the white do it all right, all reet, When the ivories and the jiveries, Keep that boogie-vard awake, Make they music? They make, Like pepper and salt, chocolate and malt, they zoot, The black and the white do it all right, all root...
- Quartet Member in "Thinkin' About the Wabash" Number: [singing] I'm missing a gal named Janey, Her kisses were so sugar-caney...
- Fay Lawrence: What would you like to have to drink?
- Hubert Bainbridge: Oh, eh, do you have any lemon squash?
- Fay Lawrence: Not if I can help it.
- Fay Lawrence: How about a little Napoleon brandy?
- Hubert Bainbridge: Oh, no. I wouldn't like to take anything that belongs to somebody else.
- Fay Lawrence: Well, he wouldn't mind. Napoleon made this himself before he met his Waterloo.
- Hubert Bainbridge: Aren't you going to have any?
- Fay Lawrence: Well, I don't drink. But I like to keep my friends in good spirits.
- Fay Lawrence: How about tonight at my place?
- Hubert Bainbridge: Oh, I'd love to. But I don't wanna interfere with any of your plans.
- Fay Lawrence: Yes, but now you are my plans.
- Fay Lawrence: How'd you like to rumba?
- Hubert Bainbridge: Oh, I never did anything but square dances.
- Fay Lawrence: Well, we can get around to that.
- Hubert Bainbridge: How could this happen to me? I only wanted to do the right thing by everybody. And now look, I'm up a tree.
- Fay Lawrence: And out on a limb.
- Hannah Bainbridge: I wish Hannah would let me go out nights.
- Fay Lawrence: Don't tell me she's got you on the swing shift.
- Hannah Bainbridge: No, she just has a mania for suppressing everything.
- Hubert Bainbridge: Well, you may not believe it but, confidentially, I'm past forty.
- Fay Lawrence: Oh, well, a man of forty is always more fascinating than a man of twenty. A man of forty has more charm and more poise, and sometimes more money.
- Fay Lawrence: Poor Tony. Who would've thought he'd switch to Shakespeare after reading Police Gazette all these years?
- Mouse Beller: Yeah, it is tough, isn't it?
- Fay Lawrence: Uh-huh. What's happening to the play meanwhile?
- Mouse Beller: Nothing. It's going to pieces, I guess.
- Fay Lawrence: I think I'll take it over.
- Mouse Beller: You'll what?
- Fay Lawrence: Take over the show. You know, the play's the thing.
- Dr. H. Snyder: A very complex case, Miss Lawrence. You can diagnose it in ten different ways. In fact, you may take your pick of paranoia, paranemia, schizophrenia, mania grandiose, or dementia praecox.
- Fay Lawrence: Sounds like a French menu to me.
- Hannah Bainbridge: Jane, your - your legs!
- Janey Adair: What's wrong with my legs?
- Hannah Bainbridge: Have you no modesty? Do you think I'd let any man see my legs?
- Tony Ferris: Do you think he'd want to?
- Hubert Bainbridge: [singing] The way my peas grow littler, You'd think I worked for Hitler, The neighbors are reporting me to Uncle Sam...
- Hazel Scott - Organ Player: [singing] And wherever we go, You will always know, That those caissons are rolling along, Keep 'em rolling, Those caissons are rolling along, Attention! Let's boogie woogie...
- Hubert Bainbridge: You mustn't go in now. She's terribly angry. And she won't see anybody. Not anybody. She's having tea.
- Fay Lawrence: Oh, she's having tea? Well, I'm gonna give her a little TNT.
- Hannah Bainbridge: Hubert, how much did this adventuress take you for?
- Fay Lawrence: He's so cute, I only took him for granted.
- Hannah Bainbridge: No, no, I can't do it. I can't bring myself to do it.
- Fay Lawrence: Oh, come, come, Hannah, you're in a rut.