- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: A peach must be eaten, a drum must be beaten, and a woman needs something like that.
- Princess Jeanette: What are you doing now?
- Maurice Courtelin: I'm thinking. I'm thinking of you without these clothes.
- Princess Jeanette: Open your eyes at once!
- Maurice Courtelin: Oh no, pardon madam. With different clothes. Smart clothes.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Now uncle, now look, I've got to get back to Paris.
- Duke d'Artelines: You can't. You're staying here permanently. And if I hear any more of your debts, any more bills, I'll cut you off without a sou.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Oh, now...
- Duke d'Artelines: Do you understand? You're imp... imp... uh, what's the word?
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Impertuneous.
- [sic]
- Duke d'Artelines: No, no. no.
- Countess Valentine: Impudent?
- Duke d'Artelines: No, no.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: No, no. Imposter?
- Duke d'Artelines: No!
- Countess Valentine: Impertinent?
- Duke d'Artelines: Ah, that's it. You impertinent jack... uh... uh... uh... jack... uh...
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Jackal?
- Duke d'Artelines: No, no, no.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Well, I'm sure...
- Countess Valentine: Jackass?
- Duke d'Artelines: No, no.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: [to Valentine] I wish you'd go to bed.
- Duke d'Artelines: Jackanapes!
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Ahhhh...
- Duke d'Artelines: You impertinent jackanapes. Liar! Cheat!
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: You'll be insulting me in a minute.
- Duke d'Artelines: Nitwit! Numbskull! Nincompoop!
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Valentine, can you go for a doctor?
- Countess Valentine: Certainly. Bring him right in.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: No, no. It's for Jeanette. She's fainted again.
- Princess Jeanette: I'm wasting away, for three years I've starved. Alone, no joy I've tasted.
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: With eyes, and red lips, and a figure like that! You're not wasted away. You're just wasted!
- Count de Savignac: [after falling off a ladder from Princess Jeanette's balcony] Oh, I'll never be able to use it again.
- Princess Jeanette: Oh, count, did you break your leg?
- Count de Savignac: No. I fell flat on my flute.
- Major Domo Flammand: About the schedule for the guests for tomorrow, your grace.
- Duke d'Artelines: Oh tomorrow... bridge... at 3. And dinner... at 8.
- Major Domo Flammand: And after dinner?
- Duke d'Artelines: Bridge! Rather an amusing day, Flammand, eh?
- Major Domo Flammand: Quite exciting, your grace.
- Duke d'Artelines: And, what are the guests doing now, Flammand?
- Major Domo Flammand: Playing bridge, your grace.
- Duke d'Artelines: Ahhh!
- [Smiles, self-satisfied]
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: How much money can you loan me?
- Countess Valentine: I'm over my allowance and Uncle won't let me have any money.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Oh, you don't know how to handle the old skyhawk. I'll tell him I need the money for charity. To provide good homes for bad stenographers.
- Maurice Courtelin: [singing] It has men that send you postcards, Much naughtier than most cards, That's the song of Paris...
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: What are you doing?
- Countess Valentine: Trying to get up enough energy to go to bed.
- Maurice Courtelin: Tell me, do you live down here?
- Princess Jeanette: I often wonder.
- Maurice Courtelin: No, I said, do you *live* down here?
- Princess Jeanette: I heard you. I wonder if you can call it living. Seems so dead.
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: And now my dear, remove your dress.
- Princess Jeanette: My what?
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: Your dress. There's no occasion for distress.
- Princess Jeanette: Is that necessary?
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: Very. Yes. As long as professional ethics apply, I'll see you with only a doctor's eye.
- Princess Jeanette: Oh, dear.
- [disrobes]
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: The doctor's eye is satisfied. Now I'll hear your heart. Don't sigh. Very good. Nothing wrong here. Now I'll take your pulse, my dear. Perfectly regular, right on the tick. Madam, oh Madam, you cannot be sick.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: He's been chasing me.
- Maurice Courtelin: Who?
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: The lady's husband. He came home unexpectedly.
- Duke d'Artelines: And the name "Baron Cortelin" is?
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: A mere nom de Pullman.
- Countess Valentine: My dear uncle, you can get rid of me for 20,000 francs.
- Duke d'Artelines: My dear countess, I...
- Countess Valentine: Oh, uncle, don't be so pomp. I'm only asking you for some of the money you're holding in trust for me.
- Duke d'Artelines: If I give you any you'd go straight back to Paris. You're staying here, Valentine. What you need is more of the simple life, young woman.
- Princess Jeanette: Tell me, do you ever think of anything but men, dear?
- Countess Valentine: Oh, yes.
- Princess Jeanette: Of what?
- Countess Valentine: Schoolboys.
- Dowager: Miss Dutoit has been insulted.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: Huh, the old gal must have something.
- Princess Jeanette: [On a horse galloping beside the speeding train engine, yells at the engineer] Stop the train!
- Train engineer: What's the trouble?
- Princess Jeanette: I love him.
- Train engineer: That's not a railroad problem.
- Dowager: Once upon a time there was a princess and a Prince Charming.
- First Aunt: Who was not a Prince.
- Second Aunt: But who was charming.
- Dowager: And they lived happily ever after.
- Count de Savignac: Oh, Princess, I trust you don't find my wooing too ardent.
- Princess Jeanette: I was just admiring your restraint.
- Maurice Courtelin: [singing] My needle punctuates, The rhythm of romance, I don't give a stitch, If I don't get rich...
- Maurice Courtelin: I'm stuck here, I can't go. My carriage is in disrepair and I'm lonely. You can't leave me.
- Princess Jeanette: Aren't you a little insane?
- Maurice Courtelin: Yes! Let me sing for you!
- Princess Jeanette: You are insane.
- Maurice Courtelin: But you sang for me.
- Princess Jeanette: I didn't even know you existed.
- Maurice Courtelin: You don't exist either. You're a dream.
- Maurice Courtelin: We must be careful not to insult the Vicomte de Barres. He comes from the old nobility, quick to take offense.
- Shirtmaker: And slow to pay!
- Maurice Courtelin: [singing] Mimi, you sunny little honey of a Mimi, I may be high, Mimi, you got me sad and dreamy, You could free me, If you'd see me, Mimi, you know I'd like to have a little son of a Mimi, by and by...
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: How old are you?
- Princess Jeanette: I'm twenty-two. While other people dance, I feel so dead at night.
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: At twenty-two? Well this won't do. Are you married?
- Princess Jeanette: My husband died three years ago. At sixteen I was wed.
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: You've been a widow for three years?
- Princess Jeanette: Three years the Prince is dead.
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: Were you very happy with your spouse?
- Princess Jeanette: He was a son of noble house. It was a happiness of great peace. Rochambeau, my better half. And here you have his photograph.
- Dr. Armand de Fontinac: How old was your bridge-groom, dear?
- Princess Jeanette: Seventy-two.
- Maurice Courtelin: Jeanette, you know what I think? I think I'm mad. And that you are mad. And that the whole world is mad. But I'm the luckiest man of all. And the happiest. Listen, my beautiful Princess. I love you. I love you! And whatever comes tomorrow, love me tonight. Love me tonight.
- Duke d'Artelines: She's fainted again.
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: You know, I had an elder brother who used to faint quite often. He was a nip-omaniac.
- Count de Savignac: A what?
- Vicomte Gilbert de Vareze: A nip-omaniac. He used to go around pinching things.
- Count de Savignac: Oh, I had a friend like that. He used to pinch business girls in elevators.
- Maurice Courtelin: Oh no, that won't do at all.
- Madame Dutoit - Dressmaker: You think so, Monsieur?
- Maurice Courtelin: Oh yes, Madame, yes. And look, it's too tight here, Madame. It's too tight across - across the chest.
- Princess Jeanette: [winks] Come here, look at it more closely.
- Maurice Courtelin: The closer I get, the more perfect.