- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Hmmm! Looks like we're going to spend the night with some pretty important ghosts, all them Louises.
- Sally Parker: Well, I'd rather enjoy meeting Richelieu. I want to see if he really looks like George Arliss.
- Sally Parker: [Discovering a bottle of milk] Oh, a bottle of milk from Marie Antoinette's bath!
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: [Sardonically] If that was left for her, it's sour by now.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: We're outta gas!
- Sally Parker: Don't tell me they still use that one at Princeton.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: You could've been sitting in the theater the night Lincoln was shot and you wouldn't have covered me.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: I'd have told you, I swear.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Oh, yeah, you'd have told me Lincoln shot Booth.
- Igor: I'm not at disadvantage?
- [sic]
- Igor: Have I met the gentleman?
- Sally Parker: You scurrilous little scavenger. Don't be silly. Where would you ever meet a gentleman?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: [Barney is tied to a chair, lying on the floor and talking to his copy desk on the phone. As Mike and Sally untie the knots, he spells Mike's name, to share the by-line, into the phone] M for maniac.
- Sally Parker: I for I love you, darling.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: I for I love you darling. C for crackpot.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: H for how soon are we going to get married?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: H for how soon are we going to get mar... No, I'm not drunk.
- Sally Parker: A for any time you say.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: A for any time you say. Aw, shut up!
- Sally Parker: I hope you didn't kill him.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Who? Kill what?
- Sally Parker: Igor.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Oh, that's all right. All snakes live till sundown.
- Fontainbleau Palace Caretaker: This gun is crazy.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: The gun's crazy? You're all right?
- Sally Parker: [after the French police refuse to believe her when she tells them the Baron is a spy, the Baron pulls a gun on them all in his limo] I'm so sorry. It slipped my mind. I should have told you about the baron.
- Igor: My darling, come back to the cathedral, there to my people, to my country.
- Sally Parker: Your country? Your people? A lot of second-hand sturgeon looking for a river to lay an egg in!
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: I wonder where we are. Get out those maps there, will ya.
- Sally Parker: What color is it down there?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Pinkish brown.
- Sally Parker: Pinkish brown... We're over Persia.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Knock knock.
- Sally Parker: Who's there?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Machiavelli.
- Sally Parker: Machiavelli who?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Machiavelli good suit for ten dollar.
- Sally Parker: Who do you think you're talking to?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: I'm talking to a fairly attractive dame with too much dough for her own good.
- Sally Parker: Who is it?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Louis.
- Sally Parker: Louis who?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Pick a number from 1 to 10.
- Sally Parker: Louis fourteen.
- Sally Parker: They put my impacted wisdom tooth on the front page, this should make newspaper history.
- Sally Parker: Trains run to Paris, you know? Choo, choo, choo.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: I don't know why I keep explaining things to you, but railroad stations have a habit of being watched.
- Sally Parker: Now stop it, Barney. Poor Michael.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Woman, thy name is screwball.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Well, you don't think I enjoy playing cops and robbers all over Europe with a...
- Sally Parker: But you can't leave me here with all these cabbages.
- Hotel switcboard operator: Are all newspapermen lunatics?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Now, those are things that cut deeply.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: I'll try to think of some more of them.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: You doubt me, Mr. Pells?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Naw, I don't doubt you. I just think you're lying.
- Baron Otto: No, Mr. Pells, don't go, don't go.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Okay, baron. Okay.
- Baron Otto: I just to explain my whole purpose in this flight. Where we go, and how we go, and why we go.
- Sally Parker: Do you expect me to believe that?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Nope... I mean... Well, I know it sounds a little Elsie Dinsmore, but...
- Sally Parker: How fast are we going?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Well, we're either up 2,100 feet and going 175 miles per hour, or we're up 175 feet and going 2,100 miles an hour.
- Sally Parker: Whimsical little airplane, isn't it?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: The constant nagging will have to stop.
- Sally Parker: All right. It has stopped.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: And no more beefing.
- Sally Parker: Not a beef.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Okay. In Mike, you trust.
- Sally Parker: In Mike, I trust.
- Editor Lees Berger: What a man, Anthony. He's making newspaper history. If the circulation department don't erect him a statue, I'll dip myself in bronze.
- Sally Parker: No self-respecting man could accept money for prying into people's private lives.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: No. And they don't even pay much at that.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Miss Parker, I'm no mere reporter. I'm the best correspondent in Europe.
- Sally Parker: You write good stories?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: The best. All the news that's fit to print.
- Sally Parker: I don't want that kind. You can print anything about me.
- Editor Lees Berger: I give up. A lot of unwholesome racketeers have crept into this business. It's no place for an honest man.
- Sally Parker: Can he do anything else?
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Nothing that won't land him in jail.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Now, before we go into anything else, I need you to know that I quit that glass bottom boat they call "The Chronicle."
- Sally Parker: You quit? Oh, no, how could you?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: But you said...
- Sally Parker: Oh, never listen to what I say. I learned that a long time ago.
- Lieutenant of Police: Mr. Pells, these are necessary police details. We must not leave a stone unturned.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: How many people did you ever find under stones?
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: Madam was strutting.
- Sally Parker: His majesty is several centuries ahead of himself. I was minuet-ing.
- Michael 'Mike' Anthony: May I have the next one?
- Sally Parker: After all, I am your queen.
- Baron Otto: Please don't be surprised if I suddenly go into an accent.
- Sally Parker: Well, after what I've been through I wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke.
- Barnabus W. 'Barney' Pells: Even a humming bird will turn and become a vicious monster if given sufficient provocation, Mr. Anthony.