- Oscar Piper: So that's your system?
- Hildegarde Withers: Can you suggest a better one?
- Oscar Piper: I suggest using your head a little.
- Hildegarde Withers: That'd be nice work for you, Oscar, if you could get it.
- Hildegarde Withers: Uuuhhh!
- Hildegarde Withers: [Surprised by Oscar's sudden surprising appearance on Catalina by sneaking up behind her] Oscar Piper!
- Oscar Piper: Little moments from the lives of great detectives - Hildegarde, ya get screwier every day.
- Hildegarde Withers: Come all the way from New York just to be stupid in new surroundings?
- Chief Of Police Britt: We've never had a murder here on the island. In fact, people don't even die here very often.
- Hildegarde Withers: Maybe they die, and you don't know it.
- Oscar Piper: Well, where's the corpse?
- Hildegarde Withers: [Faking befuddlement] Now let me see - what did I do with that corpse? Oh, the police station! Come on, Oscar!
- Oscar Piper: Just a minute, it'll keep until after lunch, won't it?
- Hildegarde Withers: Well, I hope so.
- Oscar Piper: I never look at a corpse on an empty stomach. Com'on.
- Hildegarde Withers: Hmmmm.
- Dr. O'Rourke: [to Hildegarde and Oscar] That body was here when I came in at one o'clock this morning. Someone must have stolen it.
- Oscar Piper: [Sarcastically] I meant to tell yuh, Hildegarde. One of the first things to remember about handling a murder case is always keep in touch with your corpse.
- Oscar Piper: Uhhhh! Will you please to mind your own business! I'll tackle this myself. This is a man's job.
- [He walks away]
- Hildegarde Withers: That's what I'm afraid of!
- Hildegarde Withers: [to the dog Mr. Jones, who has helped Hildegarde find a clue] If there is any justice, you should have a kennel and a tree in the heart of Scotland Yard.
- Oscar Piper: [Frustrated] I'm going to make one of these mugs talk if I have to work on 'em with a rubber hose!
- Hildegarde Withers: [Sarcastically] A very original idea for a policeman!
- Hildegarde Withers: [after the doctor, who has just come from the beach in an old-fashioned swimsuit, says it's a natural death] Are you quite capable of judging?
- Dr. O'Rourke: Well, I ought to be - I am a doctor!
- Hildegarde Withers: Well, I took you for a lifeguard.
- Dr. O'Rourke: [With indignance] I gave him a very thorough examination.
- Hildegarde Withers: [Sarcastically] I can imagine!
- Dr. O'Rourke: I resent your attitude, madame!
- Hildegarde Withers: [Remarking on his bizarre bathing suit] Don't try to be impressive in that drape, young man. You can't frighten me until you put on your trousers.
- Hildegarde Withers: [She clears her throat] Mr. Britt, here is a list of all the persons on the plane... names, addresses, and occupations.
- Chief Of Police Britt: Well, thanks for going to so much trouble.
- Captain Beegle: [Sarcastically] Yeah, meddling is a pleasure for some people.
- McArthur aka Arthur Mack: [to Hildegarde, after he's taped up her mouth and bound her] You oughta' wear adhesive all the time! You look better!
- Phyllis La Font: You know, I could have been like that once; goofy and cockeyed with love.
- Hildegarde Withers: Well, can't you still be?
- Phyllis La Font: What? A tramp like me?
- Hildegarde Withers: You're wrong, young lady. This isn't 1900. If I had your youth and looks
- [Puts left hand to her face and gazes skyward.]
- Hildegarde Withers: , I'd pick out the nicest and nearest unattached man and marry him.
- Phyllis La Font: And then what?
- Hildegarde Withers: Then I'd play fair with him. That's more than most men have any right to expect.
- Phyllis La Font: I couldn't even get a tumble out of a decent guy now.
- Hildegarde Withers: Well, I don't know much about such things, but that Mr. Kelsey seems to be... what do you call it... tumbley?