- Ambrose Wolfinger: My poor mother-in-law died three days ago. I'm attending her funeral this afternoon.
- Ambrose's Secretary: Isn't that terrible, Mr. Wolfinger!
- Ambrose Wolfinger: Yes, it's terrible. It's awful. Horrible tragedy.
- Ambrose's Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.
- Ambrose Wolfinger: Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible.
- Homicidal maniac in cell: I had three wives.
- Ambrose Wolfinger: Oh, yes.
- Homicidal maniac in cell: But this is the first one I killed in all my life!
- Ambrose Wolfinger: Oh, that's in your favor, yeah.
- Homicidal maniac in cell: [Groans]
- Ambrose Wolfinger: They have no more case against you than a sheep has against a butcher.
- Ambrose Wolfinger: Sweetheart, I take an oath on your poor mother's grave. I never saw the wrestling matches this afternoon. Things happened!
- Hope Wolfinger: He stole that ticket out of your pocket. I despise him, Dad. The lazy, good-for-nothing, fat, overfed monkey!
- Ambrose Wolfinger: He, uh, he isn't too fat.
- Adolph Berg: [after throwing Wolfinger to free himself from a wrestling hold] Did I hurt yuh?
- Ambrose Wolfinger: How could you hurt anybody throwing them on their head?
- [In pain]
- Ambrose Wolfinger: Oh, dear! Oh. oh. oh!