- Big Publishing Office Girl: I just love cave men!
- Title Card: The story of a bashful boy who lived in a world of ideas and ideals. He was so afraid of girls that he made a secret study of them and the more he studied them the more he feared them.
- Title Card: He was an apprentice in the tailor shop of his uncle, Jerry Meadows - as ye rip so shall they sew.
- Girl with the Curls: I'd like you to meet my city cousin from Grand City - she was the first person there who could pronounce Mah Jongg.
- Title Card: Mary Buckingham had a good car, but it had bad habits.
- Publishing Office Girl: I'd love to meet the sheik that wrote that stuff.
- Autograph Seeking Office Girl: I suppose you can look right into the depths of a woman's soul.
- Telephone Operator: [Harold stuttering so bad, she can't understand him] Out of order again - that Little Bend line sputters like a motor boat.
- Girl: Oh, Harold, could I have a cute little needle and thread to sew a tiny little hold in my stocking?
- Title Card: The Buckingham Estate - so large thirty servants could be doing nothing all day without being caught at it.
- Mary's Mother: I'm sorry Mary isn't home yet; she's motoring back from the country.
- The Rich Girl: [Reads the title of the book Harold has written: "The Secret of Making Love"] I'd love to hear about your book.
- The Poor Boy: I have decided - that the young men of the world do not know enough about women - therefore - I have written a story of my love affairs.
- The Rich Girl: YOU'VE had love affairs?
- Uncle Jerry: What do you think? My nephew has a girl at last!
- Publisher Roger Thornsby's Assistant: ...so perhaps we're the boobs, not he. The whole office force laughed at that book, why shouldn't the whole world enjoy it?
- Roger Thornsby: I'll do it! I'll publish it as 'The Boob's Diary'. It may be a sensation. Send him a check for $3,000 advance royalty - instead of a rejection slip.
- The Poor Boy: [In the publisher's office] I've come to see when you're going to publish my book.
- Roger Thornsby: [bursting out laughing] Do you call that thing a book? Why, it's ridiculous - impossible - it's a joke!
- Roger Thornsby: [Harold is obviously devastated by this pronouncement] That's all, young man. You'll get the usual rejection slip through the mail.