- Frank: You're slender, but not to the point of a troubled relationship with food.
- Lindsay: That's actual profiling right there.
- Frank: File a grievance. And your curves are very sexy but not vulgar. Everything very much in proportion. Firm but not over-lean, which I've always found weird and prepossessing. Your arms bespeak physical fitness and athleticism but nothing sapphic. And your ankles quietly aver that you will keep your body well into later age.
- Lindsay: It's despicable the way men look at women.
- Frank: In short, you are beautiful, graceful and elegant. Also, you don't dress in an overtly sexy way. You seem to understand that dressing sexy is actually the opposite of being sexy. That certain information should have to be earned rather than given away free to anyone and everyone who passeth by your doorstep.
- Lindsay: If this were 1732...
- Frank: I'm giving you a compliment.
- Lindsay: You're calling me a prude.
- Frank: I'm suggesting that you've taken the high road. Even in this flagrant, flaunting day and age, you have chosen to preserve mystery. Yes, the pyjamas go too far, but I applaud the ethos.
- Lindsay: [while evaluating Frank's attractiveness] And you have a beautiful penis.
- Frank: I do?
- Lindsay: Oh, come on, Frank. Surely people have told you that your entire life.
- Frank: No.
- Lindsay: Well, it's very nice. It's straight, and you would not believe how epidemic a problem that is. Also it's balletically formed. It's not so big as to ever be cause for concern, but it's big enough never to be the object of ridicule or scorn. You're in a very sweet spot there.
- Frank: Are you saying that Keith's penis is not straight?
- Lindsay: Can you imagine that we would have gone this entire weekend without saying these things to each other?
- Frank: There are seven billion people in the world. So when one of them behaves badly toward you, he's actually doing you a great favor because he's saving you time. He's telling you that he's not worth your while. He's freeing you to say, "Thank you for the information. I will now move on to the 6,999,999,999 other people, some of whom may have some value."
- Lindsay: Don't you want to secretly have a romantic life that confirms your hopes instead of your cynicism?
- Frank: No.
- Lindsay: Don't you want to believe that things like this actually do happen?
- Frank: Nope. I'm fond of my own cynicism. It's very comfortable.
- Lindsay: Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
- Frank: Yes. Yes. I'm very comfortable and warm in my fucking warm blanket of fucking shit.
- Lindsay: So what do you do Frank, that is when you're not shining your light upon the world?
- Frank: I run marketing for J. D. Power and Assoc.
- Lindsay: The 'Car of the Year' people?
- Frank: No, that's a magazine.
- Lindsay: I bought one of your 'Cars of the Year'. It was a piece of crap.
- Frank: Again, a magazine. Common error.
- Lindsay: Is that the career you dreamed of? Handing out awards by the fistful?
- Frank: Hugely successful company, extremely well respected.
- Lindsay: It's corporate brownnosing on a national scale.
- Frank: International. And don't sleep on awards. Our country lives on self-congratulation.
- Lindsay: Let me ask you this. Has there ever been a car that wasn't a J.D. Power and Assoc. car of the year?
- Frank: We don't do 'Car of the Year'. That's a magazine.
- Lindsay: I've seen those Lucite trophies. They're on every car commercial for every car, ever.
- Frank: What do you do anyway?
- Lindsay: I prosecute companies and institutions for culturally insensitive actions or speech.
- Frank: You're the politically correct police.
- Lindsay: No.
- Frank: You parse what people say and do, and then accuse them of being racist or misogynist or otherwise horrible. You destroy lives and reputations for money.
- Lindsay: [scoffs] No.
- Frank: Is that what you dreamed of ? A career of reverse fascism?
- Lindsay: I can't remember dreaming.
- Lindsay: You can't blame people for believing their own lives will be different.
- Frank: Yes I can. It's incredibly egotistical. It might help you to consider the idea that heartbreak is pointless, because if you had wound up with the person, eventually you would have been miserable anyway.
- Lindsay: Actually that does help. Thank you.
- Frank: No problem.