La noche del virgen

Uhm, you guys ever hear of editing down a scene? Apparently not, because this movie has some of the longest damn scenes I have ever seen. Long as in dragged out. Dragged out as in dragged. the. F***. out. I get that they probably wanted to get the most out of their prosthetics and what-not, but when a scene should have lasted for maybe 30 seconds, but drags out for 10 minutes? Yeah, that's a complete fail. It makes me hate this movie.

Because this movie is horrible. And I in no way mean because it is "offensive". It's not that offensive. It has some bodily fluids, some genitals, and blah blah, but nothing offensive, just a little gross.

This could have been OK as a 5 - 10 minute short film, but as a friggin 2 hour movie? Oh my god! Two hours!! It's obvious these people had no one to say like: uhm, maybe you guys should edit that scene a little shorter? Because it, you know, sucks ass right now.

They paid for it themselves, and it shows. They did what they wanted, and what they wanted was make a movie that feels about 37 hours long.

The pacing is absolutely horrible. The effects are OK for what it is. The story is NOT enough to fill two hours. It is so long.

Positives? Uhm, the opening scene has it's charm, and is the closest to being offensive in the whole movie. Also the acting is pretty decent. The main dude did a good job with the rubbish script. In the beginning I actually thought this movie might be OK. This is why I give it a couple stars.

But yeah, I hated this. This movie being two hours is so ridiculous and idiotic that I have problems even describing it. But I tried.

I know this film doesnt have the highest rating. To be honest I completely understand why. If this isnt your kind of thing you will hate it, no doubt. If quirky, over the top gore that just seems to keep pushing the limits further and further is your thing though you will love this. Plot is just enough to give the creators the excuse to nasueat the audience over and over. Brilliant practical effects, passable acting and infectious humor. I loved it.

A male virgin geek attend a new year party looking for some hot chicks for a night of sleazy fun. He only manage to get a middle age woman who seems to be attracted to him.

After following the older lady to her apartment, the geek found out that this lady is practising some weird fertility religion. Because this a horror movie, there's something diabolical about the religion and the geek is about to experience a night of filthy, slimy body horror nightmare.

This Spanish exploitation just want to disgust you, and you're getting that. Instead of blood and intestines, you are disgusted by excrements, dirty bathroom, menstrual blood and close up shot of arsehole. Yeah, it's like a Tom Green comedy.

There's also this one pregnancy birth scene. You think you have a strong stomach, then watch this scene while eating some gooey meal like a pasta with ton of sauce or a steak smothered in thick gravy.

Overall you might like this if you're into gross horror comedy. I am only moderately amused. The concept is also not original since it's a pregnancy horror about someone impregnated with evil. Only this time it's a male that get pregnant because this movie is not only gross, it's also weird...

Just generally a lot of blood and gross out stuff. Not much else here - decent popcorn flick I guess.

A young man, eager to lose his virginity, meets a middle-aged woman at a party and they go back to her place. Things seem to be progressing well, but there is something sinister about her and her home. Then her boyfriend appears.

Very weird, and not in a good way. From the synopsis I always knew the movie was going to veer off in strange and supernatural directions but initially this wasn't a bad thing. The movie was even quite watchable for about 40-60 minutes.

Then, from a point, the weirdness gets amped up to the point of totally randomness and incomprehensibility. Worse, rather than at least keeping the scenes short and sharp, the director draws out nearly every scene, padding the movie to the nth degree. Plus, the plot just seems to go round and round in circles, so the movie is padded at the macro and micro level.

The conclusion makes no sense. Maybe I needed to understand what was happening in the preceding scenes to understand the conclusion but that would have required supernatural powers in itself.

Absolutely nonsensical and a waste of time. About the only level this has some entertainment value on is as a comedy.