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Les orgies du Golden Saloon (1975)

Review by ONenslo

Les orgies du Golden Saloon

1/10

Belgian Nudie Western Comedy

What comes to mind when you see the words Belgian Nudie Western Comedy? Well, it's worse than that. My pick for the worst western comedy I have seen was Trinity's Three Fat Brothers until I saw this. That at least had a reasonably coherent plot and was nearly watchable - endurable anyway. This... even the word atrocity would be a compliment... this sad, incompetent, incoherent mistake of a film's least incompetent bits were taken from a mediocre Spanish masked-hero western, which itself must have been pretty poor viewing, but when that footage begins, suddenly flinging a whole new batch of characters in your face with no way of knowing who they are or what they are doing, it only makes the "story" more confusing. It's not a story, it's a premise. It goes nowhere, ever. It exists only to get naked chicks on the screen, but it is hard to imagine being so desperate for nudity that this could be interesting or enjoyable. Seeing half a dozen naked women should not make you feel sad, but this film accomplishes that feat. The fact that this movie survived at all is a minor tragedy, and it is so poorly made in every respect that the English dub, made with amateur actors doing creaky groaning character voices to disguise the fact that there are not enough of them to do the job right, does not even stay in sync with the video from one shot to the next. There is not point in trying to adjust it because it just changes back in the next scene. I despise the type of review that tells you "avoid at all cost." I never tell anyone not to watch a movie but with this thing, if you have any other option, take it. Sleeping, taking a walk, putting your sock drawer in order, cleaning the top of the refrigerator. If you really need to see for yourself just how poor, sad, incoherent and incompetent this production is, I wish you luck. It is a matter of personal honor to me not to review a film unless I have endured it all, but I made it halfway through this and have no desire or incentive to inflict more of it on myself. I rarely grant a one-star review to a film because I am almost always able to find some redeeming quality to a movie, some little bit of creativity, humor or ingenuity that keeps it from being 100% lousy and terrible, but not this time. The only positive thing I can say about it is, at least those poor naked girls got paid. Belgium does not stand out in one's mind as having a strong film industry, but I am certain that nothing worse than this ever came out of it. Badfilm fan, if you must try this you will find it a new low. You will have a new point of comparison for how shoddy and feeble, crappy and pathetic a movie can be. As far as nudies go, even a Doris Wishman film is more competently made than this. And that's saying something. Just remember I warned you.
  • ONenslo
  • Jul 9, 2021

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