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Cool as Hell (2013)

Review by criticghoul

Cool as Hell

1/10

Painfully unfunny "comedy"

I first learned of this movie when I attended Crypticon KC 2013, where the director/writer/star James Balsamo was a featured guest(?!). When I passed his table, he asked if I'd heard of the film, and then told me it featured Andrew WK, Tom Savini, David Naughton, and several other personalities, and he described the movie as "Bill & Ted meets Beetlejuice." After having seen the movie, I'd describe it as more like Jay & Silent Bob meets Weird Science, only without any trademark clever Smith dialogue, and if Kelly LeBrock was a bald green demon... And as for "featuring" the above mentioned celebrities... Their appearance in this movie is shorter than the time it takes to read this sentence. In most cases, the gag is that Balsamo's character bumps (literally) into one of them on the street, gets yelled at, then walks away... Savini actually gets to play a "Demon Slayer" for about a minute and a half in a sort of flashback...

Balsamo does voice-over OVER the action he's describing, lingers FOREVER on flashbacks of his character's sexual failures and various other GRATUITOUS nudity, and generally makes the film look like a junior high film project shot by a bunch of stoners, not a legitimate indie with a budget of $60K. I'm willing to overlook some technical weakness in an indie if the story or SOMETHING is engaging, but, this film is essentially weak fantasy for losers. In this piece they,through Balsamo, get to save the world, get the girl, hack zombies with a katana, ensure all the villains get their just deserts, all while getting high on pot from a super bong granted by a piece of talking snot... Yes, I really just wrote that... It sounds like it should be a blast to watch, sober, drunk, or high, and it was probably a lot of fun to make. But, it was not remotely enjoyable to watch...

The biggest touch of creativity is the Acid Bath prod. co. animated logo. And, on a final note... If my movie is called, "Cool As Hell," and one of the main characters is "Az the demon," I'd have called it, "Cool Az Hell."
  • criticghoul
  • Aug 28, 2013

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