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If Footmen Tire You What Will Horses Do? (1971)

Review by EyeAskance

If Footmen Tire You What Will Horses Do?

The Christian film from Hell.

Manson-era social anxieties and rabid pinko-phobia fuel this fire-and-brimstone propaganda film, which just happens to be made by a personnel of sexploitation cinema veterans. It sure as hell won't save your soul, but it might lead you to wonder if prankster hippies spiked the Ogallala aquifer with premium-grade LSD...

According to Southern Baptist preacher Estus Pirkle, if Americans don't begin living lives of Christian purity, then a communist takeover is inevitable...within the next several months(!). Television, alcohol, drugs, sex, and miniskirts are condemned in his thundering sermon, which is vividly illustrated in a number of extremely gory scenes(people senselessly gunned down, women raped, and children being beheaded and having their ears jammed full of shish-ke-bob skewers). And let's not forget the age-old sin of DANCING...we all know what THAT leads to, don't we, you shameless whore....

This is, without question, the most relentless assault on the senses I have ever experienced. No matter what your personal belief system may be, you *will* be nauseated, mortified, perplexed, and delighted watching this hopelessly dated cautionary paranoiac vision...a stultifying and richly rewarding viewing experience.

HALLELUJAH!! A perfect 10.
  • EyeAskance
  • May 29, 2003

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