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On m'appelle Zapper (1973)

Review by Dan-359

On m'appelle Zapper

A nadir for the GB film industry

This has to mark a low point for the British film industry; it is cheap, slapdash, sleazy, painfully unfunny but, most unforgivably, totally dull. Most of the actors look embarrassed to be involved with the exception of Gary Hope, as Kono, who throws himself into the part with such vigour that he reaches a crescendo in the first scene and has nowhere to go from there. The tone lurches unevenly from one scene to the next: the film opens with the brutal murder of a young girl (naked, of course)after which we are treated to Zapper getting dressed, explaining in a monotonous Marlowe-style voiceover how her boyfriend, Rock Hard, keeps pestering her for a whipping session. From here on the violence is fairly comical, at least I assume the kung-fu scenes are supposed to be funny.

Naturally all this "action" is bogged down by shots of Zapper driving around London, so Shonteff tosses in gratuitous nudity every so often to perk up the interest. When we eventually reach the climax, so to speak, the ending is so abrupt as to be almost non-existent, thus denying those who have had the fortitude to sit through the whole thing the bonus of a payoff.

The concept of a female private eye, along with spoofing James Bond and so on, is a reasonable one; but what these films need more than anything else is a strong visual style and this effort is completely lacking in any style, visual or otherwise. The sets are dismal, as are the locations; the costumes are tacky and the theme music repeated throughout. I thought Shonteff's 'Devil Doll' was bad, but I suppose everything is relative.
  • Dan-359
  • Sep 25, 1999

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