Batalha dos Impérios

I've read some of the reviews -- the bad reviews, I generally agree more, the good ones were often too exaggerated. Although I am not a master of the Chinese language, I'm able to understand both English and Chinese movies without subtitles, so I'd like to first address the title. I've no problem with the English title, whatsoever, but to the reviewer who said that it has something to do with lions? He's WRONG. If you want me to translate it, it's something along the lines of Top Gererals, Brave (Mightly) Armies (Troops).

Now, to my review. First, the good. The actors were good. The fight choreography was good. The cgi was good. That's pretty much it!

So, what was so wrong about the movie? The message of the movie is simple, to promote harmony among people despite the obvious differences in race, ethnicity, culture, creed, etc, etc. I get that! I have nothing against that either. The challenge however, is to incorporate that message seamlessly into the story without it feeling too forced or cliché -- and that was exactly how I felt when I watched some of those scenes.

But the bigger failure... is that the story makes absolutely no sense at all. It makes no sense to me how easily they could move and deploy their armies along the Silk Road from Rome to China or vice-versa. It makes no sense that they were all able to understand a common language, that is English. In ancient China, Chinese don't speak a common Chinese language, they speak different dialects. And if you add to the mix, the European languages, and the Middle Eastern languages, there is just no common ground in there for them to be able to understand each other.

It makes no sense that Jackie Chan is so trusty from the start (almost like a fool). It makes no sense that Adrien Brody would (for the sake of not spoiling) find himself eventually in that predicament. A lot of things that happened in between didn't make hell of a lot of sense either...

If ever anyone in the history of cinema has earned 2 hours of my life, it's Jackie Chan. Unfortunately, I was repaid this sentiment with two of the most horrible hours of cinema made in recent years.

When I heard of Romans fighting it out in the Silk Road, I liked the idea. But instead the film starts out with two Chinese historians (who speak English, naturally, since this is aimed at an international audience) searching for a lost city that the Romans built. The beginning is bad... ominously bad, and it only gets worse from there.

Rewind 2,000 years and with the tone set for a serious affair, until Jackie Chan adopts his usual "stunt-fu" in a fight scene completely out of place, but hey, it's Jackie Chan, so carry on.

Enter the Romans... John Cusack is his usual self but he seems to be accompanied by two of the most horrendous actors I've seen, in the guise of a child would-be Emporor and his male nanny. Actually, aside from Brody, Cusack and one or two Centurians, pretty much everyone who speaks English will make you cringe with how god-awful their "talent" is.

Anyway, the script's a total mess and for long periods, is actually very boring. Brody turns up as some power-craved maniac Emporor who didn't need to do anything bad since he was always going to be the Emporor anyway, and then we have a battle and, thankfully, the film ends.

Only, it doesn't. Instead, it goes back to the historian couple who enjoy the romantic scenery of the few sand-blasted columns remaining upright before they illogically announce that they'll never share their discovery, even though it's the whole point of their very existence!

Sigh. This film is just bad, illogical and painful and unless you're a die-hard Jackie Chan fan, I implore you to avoid it. For those of you who are Jackie Chan fans, just know that this is one of - if not THE worst film he's ever made and ask yourself: "Do you really want to taint your opinion of the great man by sitting through this?"

The story in the movie is a complete mess. I'm not going to go into details, but if you are considering watching this movie, you must have already accepted that legions of Romans in China is OK. It would be more plausible if they shifted the accent a bit more into fantasy (e.g. different kingdoms, one is more like Roman Empire and another like China, but not actual countries), so there are not so many complaints about historical inaccuracies, but it is what is and according to them, it's based on historical facts. There are also a bit too many secondary undeveloped characters.

So, as the title says, you would enjoy it if you just watch it for Jackie. The sword fights are pretty good; other fights, well some are not bad, some are meh. I watched it to the end, skipped only a few times, overall not his worst movie, but far from his best one.

Summary: Recommended only for true Jackie Chan's fans.

Let me set one thing straight before I begin this review, I am not here to defend this movie's honour, indeed I can see that it does have a great many flaws. However it is absolutely undeserving of many of the criticisms put forth in other reviews and I feel that someone has to put the record straight, and call out a worrying trend.

This movie was not perfect, it was mechanically sound, the acting while nowhere near award winning, was human enough I could enjoy it, and the choreography and special effects though they rarely came into play were even enjoyable. All this could be fairly pointed out to add to a product that is sub par, and yet what are almost all the most vehement protractors of this film gnashing their teeth about? The realism! Yes in a fantasy martial arts movie people are concerned with the plot, with geography, with trifling details.

Now look, I understand people having personal preferences for more grounded realistic movies. I also understand how some people cannot suspend their disbelief over such a mighty chasm, but to call this movie terrible, garbage, or any other pejorative for that is simply wrong. It is wrong, because it misses what this movie, and movies like it are supposed to be. Like many older films out of china, what this movie is striving to be is a throwback to idealized legends. To stories who's actors are idealistic people, who embody ideals and provide a moral message. This kind of storytelling is present in nearly all culture's legends and tales. This is what I like to term as a whimsical film. Now I admit it is not a shining example for all to follow, but it needs to be judged by other standards. Just as a romcom needs to be judged by different standards than that of true cinematic brilliance. A movie like this doesn't have to be realistic, it shouldn't be. Furthermore to see so many people demanding realism, expecting everything must play out like a well thought out novel frankly saddens me. It saddens me because I fear that this prevalent attitude is why we get so few movies these days that are willing to be silly, to be unrealistic, to give us idealistic and hopelessly unworkable moral lessons.

Maybe you disagree, maybe you think I'm a blithering idiot so full of sh*t it's pouring out my mouth. That's okay too, but please, next time you see a fantasy movie like this, please try to enjoy the flow and the essence of the movie, before resorting to cold literary analysis of it.

Anyways to wrap up this rant disguised as a review, my personal thoughts on the movie were that it was enjoyable, though I'd hesitate to recommend it to anyone but people who share my love of fantastic and improbable meetings of ancient cultures for a fantasy romp. 6/10 it's okay.

While the main message of the movie was about multi-cultural peace (probably what the world needs now), choreography was good (nothing less than expected from a J.C. movie), side jokes to make you giggle from this otherwise boring plot, nothing else about the movie was able to redeem it from it's cliché story progression and bad script.

1) The message about multicultural peace was smacked right in audience faces left, right, up, down from the beginning of the show. To make things worst, coupled with cheesy lines, it made a profound and wise motif seem plain cheesy, overly-simplified and lacked the depth it should have had.

2) Despite the strong development of major characters, minor/side characters were not grounded enough. Fickle change in beliefs by side characters (people of the Wild Geese Gate), once again, made the story look superficial and badly developed.

Unfortunately, great choreography, scene shots and strong casts could not save it from its draggy, underdeveloped plot and horrible script.