Chapeuzinho Vermelho No Castelo Das Trevas

I have wanted to watch this film for some time, I mean who would'nt find a 2015 version of a classic tale exciting, I read the reviews on here first and thought surely this film cannot be that dire right? - WRONG!! What have I just watched? I don't think I have ever seen anything so bad in all my life. I had not even got 15 minutes into the film and I actually had to check that I was watching the correct thing. I initially thought that in my error I had bought a 1975 ish version of the film and not the 2015, I mean why the awful special and visual effects. I sat here waiting in suspense the whole way through, thinking any minute now things will get started, something amazing will happen, I will sit tight and watch this film to the end - but alas NO, Nothing! in fact the storyline did not have any plot and made no sense what to ever. The actors must have been hired from an amateur drama school and please don't get me started on the music!!! I would strongly advise viewers to think about doing something a bit more constructive with their time, like watching paint dry, before thinking about watching this. An utter disappointment and an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back!!!!

This film professes to be the Grimm Fairy Tales version of Little Red Riding Hood but doesn't even follow that basic plot. It really seems to be two different bottom of the barrel TV movies stitched together with no rhyme or reason. The plot seems to be that a medieval Little Red Riding Hood is going through the forest when an undead knight warns her of evil. A little later someone in werewolf makeup chases after her, so she runs away... to the castle of said evil, of course. She goes right in and then from then on does nothing of any interest. We never even see the big bad wolf again. That's the first 15 minutes. The ultimate bad guy stands around a lot in meaningless poses we assume the director either thought was dramatic or to excessively pad out the running length of the film. Oh, and everyone does a lot of slow walking that the camera documents in great detail. Anyway, then we cut to modern days (with no explanation) with an influencer (played by Nicole Stark, who is about the closest thing to a redeeming value this film has) in the wild somewhere on a photography trip deep in the mountains before college starts up. The nature is shot through a filter that sucks all the color and grandeur out of it, so even that appears lifeless and nearly monochrome. Then her car (Wait, car? She said she was deep in the wild?) is destroyed by a... I don't know, mummy lady with explosive glass balls? It's never explained what she's supposed to be. So the woman finds a chateau or something, which happens to be... the summer home of the same ultimate evil? I can't even explain who or what this guy's supposed to be, just a guy in a latex mask who apes doing Shakespeare and sometimes has SFX smoke come out of his body. And there's a lot of shots in this film of one bad guy or another in latex mask creeping around comically behind a female character while she's unaware, as if that's threatening, but then walking away for no reason. And, seriously, a whole lot of time transpires, and absolutely nothing of any consequence happens. At some point there seems to be something supposedly happening, but it doesn't advance the plot in any way. And then, back in the middle ages, some other hero shows up and meets a beautiful woman, and, what? Nothing. Then he meets Little Red at the castle of ultimate doom, and the movie just ends shortly later. I'm not marking this as a spoiler because there's absolutely nothing to spoil. I can't reveal a plot point if it doesn't have one. I've reviewed some of this director's movies before, and they were, unsurprisingly, atrocious, but this film is even worse than they were somehow. If you have seen some of my other reviews, you can see I usually bend over backwards to give out stars. Usually if something has some good parts, but admittedly not many, it'll still get a 4. If it's just bad across the board, I'll throw out a 2 just for the effort of making a movie. This gets a one. Not even sorry for that at all. If only I could give it zero.

I could attempt to write a long winded review. However, in theses busy times I will keep this review succinct. You know when your driving along and you see animal that's been hit by a Mack Truck. You can't help but look at it muttering under your breath "what on earth was that". Well, that pretty much sums up this movie. The Costumes are horrendous the special effects look like they came from a store room that's been locked up since 1985. Actually, this movie is so bad its almost ingenious. The story line is convoluted and makes no real sense. This is sure to become a cult classic someday, somewhere. This, parents is the dangers when you give your kids a digicam and adobe after effects.

What can I say about this "movie"? Rarely have I experienced a film that failed so completely - and completely on all levels. The "actors" make everything, but certainly not acting. The cheap special effects can be made better by nearly every ten-year-old with a computer. The make-up makes the figures into immovable pseudo-beings. Camera, cut - everything is on the same lowest level. Visual effects are used for they own, not to serve the film or even the story. Especially since the allegedly based on Brothers Grimm, the term "story" is not deserved. This crude "story" never reveals itself. Part of the disaster is a synthetic retort sounds, which are supposed to promise something, even if it never becomes clear what exactly.

Author-director-cameraman-cutter Rene Perez, producer Robert Amstler and composer Risto R Muzik have to hate their audience and filmmaking. I've seen a lot of bad movies, but that's really one of the worst things I've ever seen. And not because it's just trashy. But because this film is "evil", bad, dumb, silly, a real catastrophe through and through. Not one area, not a single one, knows to convince.

Like something the Best of the Worst boys would watch on Youtube, if you like funny bad, you might enjoy it, but for most, it would be a pass.