Meu Querido Bobby: Era Tudo uma Farsa

Kirat falls for a man named Bobby, who seems to enjoy a jet set lifestyle, unfortunately the relationship remains an online one for years, and when a meeting is arranged, there's always an excuse.

People are calling her out on stupidity, naivety and more, I get that, but I'd say it's worse than that, I'd call her out on need, a desperation to be loved, and on that basis, I'd say what happened to her was cruel.

For a documentary it's just too long, it really does lag in the middle, if it was punchier, it would have been so much better. It's definitely an interesting story, though I feel that most people, self included will be wondering just how on Earth it happened, after four years.

I struggled to understand the whole point of the catfish, there was nothing financial, it just seemed twisted, what did they hope to gain, it should have resulted in some sort of prosecution.

Bizarre isn't the word.

6/10.

Cathfishing is awfull and this lady didn't deserve it... However... 9 years until she realised what is going on? Took me 9 minutes to know the whole story. How many silly excuses can one accept and keep goin? Anyways.. The documentary itself is extremely long and except the age of the protagonist for each year included in the catfishing we don't get much information. We learned who did it (but that is super obvious from the start) and how sad and devastating it was. The rest is reading a whole lot of texts and listening to voice messages. The story itself is worth 5 minutes. Well kids, be carefull... people on the internet are sometimes someone else! Shocker.

As I watched the film, I thought about all the judgement the lady would now have to face from a lot of people hearing her story but still, it turned out to be worse than I predicted.

I didn't come here with intentions to defend Kirat because I was frustrated with her actions A LOT but I am actually more appalled by the reaction to her experience; the attacks and the total lack of empathy. So I decided to add something different.

I cannot understand why people are so extremely angry with her that she believed the story of the abuser. And I mean, extremely angry, even furious at times! It didn't happen to you. She didn't hurt you or anybody else.

The question of "how could she be that stupid?" is repeated with harsher synonyms, even though the main reason is provided in the film multiple times: Kirat was born and raised in a family and culture that believes getting married and having children are one of the best and most important things in life. I don't believe that at all but I accepted the crazy thought that there are women with different goals and priorities than mine ;) Kirat explained what she felt at that time: inside and outside pressure to be like others in the community, fear of being too old to have a baby, being judged, disapproved and simply alone. It's nothing new and uncommon that she was easy to be manipulated and abused in that situation.

If you have never met a smart person struggling to get out of the abusive relationship and if you didn't check but you know you could have never ever been manipulated and exploited by a close person nobody would even think of suspecting, then this film should make you feel very clever and superior. But also very angry at the victim for blaming a particularly twisted perpetrator. But I wish you didn't watch it or at least comment unless you have some empathy ;)

Hopefully Kirat doesn't read the reviews shaming her. Unfortunately at times of vulnerability we are all vulnerable. A woman who is going through a bad breakup finds solace and comfort from a friend on Facebook. The friend is connected to family members who know him so she of course thinks he's safe. The relationship progresses and like any story of abuse she finds herself in a web that's hard to get out of. Then her whole world turns completely upside down when she realizes she's been catfished. I thought the documentary on the whole was well done. I think it actually would have been better to not have disclosed the catfish crime in the title. Basically as I'm watching I'm distracted by wondering who 'sweet Bobby' really is and not the story. Other than that I applaud Kirat for participating in making this film, couldn't have been easy. I appreciate her courage and hope that films like this do save others from being victimized.

On-line scams of different types are now almost a staple of the TV schedules. This Netflix production told the story of how a mature, (35 years old at the outset), seemingly intelligent single career woman was romanced on Facebook by a man she'd only met once years before and even then accidentally and fleetingly. This was the Bobby of the title, a handsome, successful and well-connected male (an important consideration in the Sikh community of which she is a member) to whom she ended up in an "affair" which runs for over ten years without their ever meeting.

At the time they first hooked up on-line, Kirat, the woman in question, was a successful London-based career woman. Her day job was as a marketing executive, while in her off-time she deejayed on a local radio station. She was also in a long-term relationship and seemed ready to at last marry, with the point being strongly made that this was very much a desired outcome by her family, as the testimonies of both her parents and others close to her make clear.

However, when her romance breaks down, she takes comfort in the messages she starts to receive from Bobby, who appears to be free too and is keen to get to know her better. So their cyber-connection deepens with all-night Skype calls, gift-giving and soon enough, professions of love, all without ever physically getting together. Kirat gets to know Bobby's circle of friends and also starts inter-communicating with them, but matters take a dramatic turn when Bobby is apparently shot and badly injured in Kenya and as a result enters Witness Protection in New York for his safety. His injuries mean he can't speak or appear on video but still the messages keep coming, leading up to a marriage proposal which Kirat ecstatically accepts. As Bobby slowly recovers, all she needs now is for him to finish the protection programme and actually meet up with her so that she can introduce him to the family and get on with the expected happy-ever-after marriage and succeeding parenthood.

But when he continues to prove elusive even after his "return" to England, alarm bells at last go off for Kirat with disastrous consequences for her, when after she tracks him down in person, an almost unbelievable revelation explodes the whole concocted story.

Watching this compelling documentary, one is again reminded of how easily apparently responsible people fall for on-line tricksters again and again although the eventual reveal in this one was especially difficult to fathom in terms of motive. It is very easy to criticise Kirat herself for being so foolish as to allow herself to be strung along for so very long without becoming suspicious about what turned out to be a fantastic web of deceit contrived by her long-awaited dream man. It has to be said too that her neediness and susceptibility do occasionally portray her on-camera as a touch delusional and even as something of a fantasist but nothing can excuse the actions of the callous and twisted perpetrator who finally runs out of loom and is finally caught up in their own web of lies.

As a programme, it was sometimes difficult to watch Kirat walk and talk us through her obviously painful story. Told with mock-ups of the texting and messaging which were exchanged and the staging of key events as they occurred, complete with blurry images of actors playing them out, this was another cautionary tale of modern life and the pitfalls of wanting something too much. The only saving grace for Kirat here appeared to be that at least she wasn't swindled out of a large amount of money but she certainly got cleaned out emotionally. As the old saying goes, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is but try telling that to someone who thinks they're in love.