Popeye: Maré de Horror

Comets are nothing to mess around with.

I must admit that Popeye the Sailor Man is just about the last character I'd ever associate with the horror genre, so I was intrigued to see what the writers and director were going to do to make him scary. It was funny to see how they used his catchphrases and habits in news ways to keep the audience entertained. He made me laugh and shrink back in fear at the same time which is exactly the reaction I hoped I would have.

While I didn't need a lengthy explanation of why Popeye appeared, I did find myself wishing for more plot development here. The reason given for his murderous escapades never quite made sense to me, and trying to figure it out was a distraction from both the horrifying and the comical moments in this film. I would have chosen a higher rating if this wasn't the case.

It isn't necessary to be familiar with 1980s slasher flicks in order to enjoy this homage to them, but viewers who have seen at least one or two horror films from that decade may notice some cool throwbacks to the way things were filmed a few decades ago. Without giving away spoilers, I'm specifically thinking of the way rural settings were sometimes used to amp up the suspense back then and how isolation and fear could lead a character to make impulsive decisions that they might not have chosen if, say, they'd been in a city surrounded by other people.

Shiver Me Timbers was creative.

Man, I'm lowkey torn on whether I loved or hated this movie. I caught myself laughing a bunch of times, and there were a few lines that really stuck with me. It's totally off the rails, but I think that's on purpose, and yeah, there's blood everywhere. But it's not really scary at all. Feels like they're throwing shoutouts to Evil Dead and those old-school, cult horror flicks I used to grab from the rental store back in the day. Oli's character was dope tho, had me rollin'. The deaths? Wild and OTT as hell. It's chaotic, but in a good way. I'll probably run it back, feel like I missed some deep cuts.

Man, is this one a stinker. But I think it is supposed to be intentionally bad in a money laundering scheme by a nefarious criminal organization that loathes us.

It's Uwe Boll bad. It's bow-chicka-wow-wow level of acting. One of the cops clearly just come from a circuit party with his earrings and yellow pseudo-Aviators.

Bernice was okay. But the rest of this trash fire of a movie is just all wrong and not in a remotely so-bad-it's-good-and-comes-back-around-to-bad-and-settles-on-watchable way.

It also fails at capturing the mid-80s.

It's a quick cash grab on expired copyright. Although it really fails to even emphasize the Popeye thing.

Do not pay to see this.

I was lucky enough to see a preview of this film before the UK release date at the group that I attend at b-team.

Surprisingly it was all filmed in Scotland although made to look very much like Northern California. It also has a nod to a Stranger Things vibe with it being in the 1980s and odd things occurring.

The main guy in question Popeye!, played by Tony Greer is very much a mutant that you do not want to mess with.... particularly if you are trying to get to your car keys.... Trying to be vague here so I don't spoil it. It also left you feeling like you'd think twice going on a camping trip or hooking up with a crush too while camping.

The plot is easy to follow and the characters are really relatable as well in their own right, some stereotypes like any horror but mostly relatable characters.

Big shout out to Lt. Lang played by Stephen Corrall, I really believed your character's portrayal of the sense of urgency to get to the problem at hand with regards to helping out Olive Oyl.

I like the fact that some Easter eggs were put into the movie as well to keep it intriguing. Such as notable nods to Freddy Krueger, Evil Dead and The Walking Dead.

The 8/10 I've given, only constructive criticism is: I felt the character's needed a little bit more character progression with regards to getting to know them as I felt some were killed off too soon.

All in all, a brilliant b-movie with a lot of laughs, downright gore and edge of your seat stuff.

I have to admit that I harbored zero expectations to this movie, as I sat down to watch it. Yeah, I've watch two other horror movies with Popeye and they been pretty terrible. But I still opted to watch "Shiver Me Timbers" on account of it being a movie that I hadn't already seen.

But this movie was God awful. Writer and director Paul Stephen Mann managed to maul E. C. Segar's work to a bloody pulp. And not in a good way. Nay, this was horrible in oh so many ways. Sure, the script was pretty straightforward for a slasher movie, but the attempts at incorporating comedy just made it into an even bigger mess than it already was. So yeah, you're not in for anything grand here.

Of course I was not familiar with a single actor or actress that starred in this travesty of a movie. Sure, some of the acting performances were actually fair.

The special effects in the movie were exactly that; special. Most of them actually had me laughing at how utterly ridiculous it was. And the fact that Popeye looks like some kind of mutated meatloaf and Colonel Guile from the fairly laughable 1994 "Street Fighter" movie just didn't work out in the least bit. Sure, some of the gore effects were actually passable and fair enough.

Writer and director Paul Stephen Mann doesn't seem to know how beheadings work, as there are two of them in the movie; and one has the guy still screaming after the head is chopped off, and the other has a girl's eyes going left and right after her head is chopped off.

"Shiver Me Timbers" is seriously the worst of movies based on the Popeye character so far.

I wouldn't even recommend this movie to newcomers of the slasher horror genre. Nay, "Shiver Me Timbers" was just hands down a terrible movie. Do yourself a huge favor and skip this one. Don't waste 73 minutes on watching this dumpster fire. Some of us literally suffered through this garbage, so you don't have to; you're quite welcome.

If you're looking for a quick way to end a friendship, recommend "Shiver Me Timbers" to a friend and watch the friendship melt away like a guy put into a barrel of acid that just happens to be around (which actually also happens in this movie).

My rating of writer and director Paul Stephen Mann's abysmal 2025 movie "Shiver Me Timbers" lands on a very generous one out of ten stars.