Anaconda

Me and my dad went to watch this movie with low expectations. And we were surprised by the fact that the reality didnt meet the expectations. In fact it couldn't meet them.

We both fell asleep several times during the movie. And after the first 10 min we already wanted to leave the theater. (It wasn't only us, we LITTERALY saw people leave their seats) Now bout the movie in itself:terrible.

Really really terrible. We don't recommend to anyone. The jokes don't hit, the acting is Disney Channel quality (NOT EVEN) and my dad says that this the reason why Hollywood doesn't hold a right of existence anymore.

For me personally, one of the worst movies if ever watched in my entire lifetime.

So if you're thinking about watching this movie, save yourself money and time because it is absolutely not worth it. Quote from my dad: Horrendus.

Not going to bury the lead...this was terrible! I had very low expectations for this movie and it was even worse than what I was expecting. I am not a Jack Black fan at all and somehow he was even worse in this. Why does he think he needs to sing in every movie?! I do enjoy Paul Rudd's work but he was also terrible and so was the rest of the cast. It tried so hard to be funny and didn't succeed once. They even wasted the two "surprise" cameos. I was rooting for the anaconda to eat the whole cast so this movie would be over! But just because I hated this doesn't mean you cause all film is subjective!

By The Numbers breakdown: Cast-10 Acting-3 Trailer-4 Ending-3 Story-3 Visuals-6 Direction-3 Sound-9 Genre-4 Sub Genre-4 The Faces For Radio score - 49.

Anaconda is a decent reboot that works best when it embraces its parody tone. The setup is clean, the CGI snake looks better than expected, and the jungle atmosphere helps sell the danger. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't feature the anaconda as much as it should, and the pacing slows between attacks. The characters are serviceable but forgettable, and the ending is predictable, though intentionally so. Overall, it's a solid but uneven creature feature that's more amusing than thrilling.

This new version of Anaconda is sold as a horror comedy meant to make us laugh while also fearing its iconic villain, the giant snake. The truth is that the film isn't a complete disaster, but it falls well short of what it promises.

Anaconda starts on the wrong foot. Daniela Melchior, a Portuguese actress I genuinely like, is cast as a Brazilian character, complete with an accent that caused more secondhand embarrassment than immersion. It makes you wonder if Brazilian actors are so rare that the production simply gave up looking. It's a baffling decision that feels lazy and poorly thought out.

Narratively, the film takes far too long to get going. A large portion of the runtime is spent debating whether the characters will film a remake of Anaconda in the Amazon. We already know they will. That's the premise. All this buildup is pointless and exhausting, and at least half of it could have been cut without harming the film. Only when the story finally reaches the Amazon does it gain a bit of momentum.

Even then, the scenes with the Anaconda, which should be the film's main attraction, are rarely tense. The mix of comedy and horror barely works. The humor fires in every direction, occasionally landing a decent joke, but often slipping into pure cringe. Tension is almost nonexistent, with the film constantly choosing to play it safe instead of taking risks.

The cast is one of the film's strongest elements. Paul Rudd, Jack Black, and Steve Zahn manage to carry much of the movie with their charisma and fun performances, making it more watchable even when the material lets them down.

Overall, Anaconda suffers from a dragged-out beginning and a lack of impact, tension, and a clear identity. Still, it's not a bad film. It works as a light comedy, includes a few fun nods to the original, and even leaves the door open for a sequel.

This is very much a "lazy Sunday afternoon" movie, best watched with low expectations and on streaming rather than in theaters. If this movie were a snake, it would hiss a lot... but rarely bite.

This movie knows exactly what it is-a big, dumb comedy-and fully leans into it. The pacing is fast, the jokes keep coming, and it never really drags. Steve Zahn completely steals the show, delivering the kind of over-the-top comedic performance he does best. There's a lot of cussing, so it's definitely not family-friendly, but the humor lands more often than not. If you're looking for something smart and deep, this isn't it-but if you want a genuinely funny, turn-your-brain-off popcorn movie, this one delivers.