Anaconda

LIKES: Fast-Paced Fun Jokes Simple Entertainment Cameos Are Fun The Music Is Enjoyable It's Just Funny Summary: Anaconda is not here to tell a complex story, and therefore, the pace is not working to be this balanced, story masterpiece. It's a brisk pace for the fleeting attention span with loads of flash in the pan elements to give this adventure film that adventurous pace. The simplistic story is supported heavily with comedy and seems to be a jungle of jokes that take the form of many styles. Meta humor is a big card they played, making fun of Hollywood tactics by mirroring those tactics and poking fun at them. Slapstick humor is prominent, often leading to more banter as the cast of middle-aged movie makers pursues various interests in their impromptu trip to the most dangerous jungle in the world. One-liners, clever puns, and nods to nostalgia are all ready and waiting for you in this film, alongside some cameos that may be short-lived, but add their own charm and humor, which I enjoyed the most. Musically, I'm a sucker for a killer track list, and Anaconda is ready to hit you with a lot of styles that are matched with the scenes to levels that again synergize to enhance each other. What's the verdict of the likes... the movie is stupid fun, and in a movie... that works sometimes for just escaping the cruelties in the world. Anaconda is that escape, and with the cast bringing their acting strengths of silliness to full swing, I think you'll have a blast so long as you come in with the expectation of dumb fun and laughs.

DISLIKES: The Plot Is Meh The CGI Needs Work Character Development Needs Work It's Not Scary Lacks A Lot Of Snake Time/Terror Too Silly?

Summary: Just because you might expect a silly film, doesn't mean it doesn't come with limitations for a movie overall. Anaconda's plot is very limited. It's trying to put this new approach to the film, which sort of works, but then tries to integrate a few more serious plot points in the movie that are a distraction, extra, and feel somewhat hastily developed. Character development feels too caught up in the meta humor, and so many of the lines are drenched in the exaggerated presentation and sitcom-level enunciation that it feels even less necessary. It leads to characters that are somewhat one-dimensional, boring, and not so much worthy of investing in outside of the laughs. The CGI needs work, too. Don't get me wrong, they are crafting something I couldn't begin to make, but it also has that cheesy SyFy channel look in animation, textures, and comical anthropomorphic elements. I didn't hate it, and there is a good chance this was the goal, but in this day of technical prowess, not the direction I would go. If you are hoping that you were going to get that horror, adventure, and creature film, then lower the expectations now. This Anaconda tries to bring that hunted element, but it's minimal, drowned out by the comedic delivery element as we get bombarded with joke after joke. Not having that scare/danger element makes this movie boring, and the terror I wanted in some parts felt very minimal. The snake doesn't even get that much time, and the kill count is surprisingly low for a movie of this caliber. Those elements were very much needed, but given the trailers promising such a silly film, I can't say I'm surprised this big snake is more of a comedic guest star to the live-action cast. Thus, was the film too silly that it hurt the movie? I have to say yes.

The VERDICT: Anaconda is a film that promises an escape, and you are getting that escape. It's simple fun, unapologetic in the jokes it unleashes in this barrage of humorous vaudeville of movie-making in the Amazon Rainforest. The songs are fun, the humor is just mind candy, and it moves at a pace that should be very rewarding to a lot of people who don't want to think too hard for a movie. And despite the fun I had, the movie did need to rein in the comedy a bit and try to develop a little more depth to its plots and characters. Anaconda's remake has too many odd attempts at plots, and lacking that hunter element took the excitement out of this series that SyFy had mastered for so many years. Without that thrilling element, so many of the new directions got either stale or felt out of place, leading to a film that feels chaotic, contrived, and diluted to be a holiday release. Would I recommend a theater visit? No, I can't say it is, sadly, unless you just need that escapism. My scores for this film are:

Action/Adventure/Comedy: 6.5-7.0 Movie Overall: 5.5-6.0.

The plot was predictable and repetitive, humour was good I will admit. Directors just put Jack black in any movie to disguise the bad plot that hides behind him. Could definitely have been done way better, but this movie just feels like a waste of money and time. Acting was also mediocre, wasted chance.

Anaconda (2025) Follows a group of people who adored the original Anaconda (1997) and wanted to recreate something like it, but then while filming in a real island full of snakes, everything goes wrong. Wow, just reading this made me lose my braincells. The movie was pretty funny and had some stupid jokes that still made me laugh, Jack Black and Paul Rudd do a pretty good job and the movie was enjoyable for me. The movie while funny, its not really the the best movie if looking at the plot. The movie felt like it had no plot, it would go from this to that and again to this then going back. Everything else is okay I guess, but if you wanna turn your brain off and watch a pretty enjoyable and entertaining film, Anaconda does that pretty well. (Also if you love this franchise theres cameos)

This new version of Anaconda is sold as a horror comedy meant to make us laugh while also fearing its iconic villain, the giant snake. The truth is that the film isn't a complete disaster, but it falls well short of what it promises.

Anaconda starts on the wrong foot. Daniela Melchior, a Portuguese actress I genuinely like, is cast as a Brazilian character, complete with an accent that caused more secondhand embarrassment than immersion. It makes you wonder if Brazilian actors are so rare that the production simply gave up looking. It's a baffling decision that feels lazy and poorly thought out.

Narratively, the film takes far too long to get going. A large portion of the runtime is spent debating whether the characters will film a remake of Anaconda in the Amazon. We already know they will. That's the premise. All this buildup is pointless and exhausting, and at least half of it could have been cut without harming the film. Only when the story finally reaches the Amazon does it gain a bit of momentum.

Even then, the scenes with the Anaconda, which should be the film's main attraction, are rarely tense. The mix of comedy and horror barely works. The humor fires in every direction, occasionally landing a decent joke, but often slipping into pure cringe. Tension is almost nonexistent, with the film constantly choosing to play it safe instead of taking risks.

The cast is one of the film's strongest elements. Paul Rudd, Jack Black, and Steve Zahn manage to carry much of the movie with their charisma and fun performances, making it more watchable even when the material lets them down.

Overall, Anaconda suffers from a dragged-out beginning and a lack of impact, tension, and a clear identity. Still, it's not a bad film. It works as a light comedy, includes a few fun nods to the original, and even leaves the door open for a sequel.

This is very much a "lazy Sunday afternoon" movie, best watched with low expectations and on streaming rather than in theaters. If this movie were a snake, it would hiss a lot... but rarely bite.

Me and my dad went to watch this movie with low expectations. And we were surprised by the fact that the reality didnt meet the expectations. In fact it couldn't meet them.

We both fell asleep several times during the movie. And after the first 10 min we already wanted to leave the theater. (It wasn't only us, we LITTERALY saw people leave their seats) Now bout the movie in itself:terrible.

Really really terrible. We don't recommend to anyone. The jokes don't hit, the acting is Disney Channel quality (NOT EVEN) and my dad says that this the reason why Hollywood doesn't hold a right of existence anymore.

For me personally, one of the worst movies if ever watched in my entire lifetime.

So if you're thinking about watching this movie, save yourself money and time because it is absolutely not worth it. Quote from my dad: Horrendus.