- Bridget Jones: And even though there might be 600,000 words in the human language, the world still struggles to find the right ones when someone you love is gone.
- Bridget Jones: Am rejoining ranks of London's employed and meaningfully contributing to society. Can walk with head held high and be role model for Billy and Mabel, saving them from otherwise certain future as alcoholic wards of the state.
- Bridget Jones: [writing a letter in tears, inner monologue] Dearest darling Mark, it's your birthday on Sunday, and... I'm just no good at doing this on my own. I'm sorry I'm such a bad mother, I'm sorry I got caught up with a callow toy boy, I'm sorry I'm late for school and that Billy's withdrawn. They're growing up without you. How is Billy going to understand how to be a man without his father? How is Mabel going to live her life having never really known you at all? Please forgive me for being upset about anything which isn't about not having you. Please help me find a way to do this without feeling like I'm ruining the most important part of my life... The only part that still has you in it.
- Bridget Jones: [reads Dr. Rawlings' handwriting] 'Don't be a... twin'? That says 'Don't be a twin?'
- Dr. Rawlings: 'Twat'. Sorry, it's doctor's handwriting. That's an 'A' in the middle there.
- Miranda: Bridget, sexting a man that you just met in a park is nothing like Jane Austen's day. If you don't shag him, I will.
- Bridget Jones: Parents' evening... Is there a worse night for the single parent? They call it 'parents' evening' as if it's a plural. As if it's a given that there's two of us. Oh, well. Chin up and onward.
- Russ the Checkout Guy: [at the checkout counter] Do you want to go for a drink?
- Bridget Jones: I'm so flattered. Um, but I've got a boyfriend. Well, sort of got a boyfriend, I think. Um, so nice of you to ask, but, um... No, thank you.
- Russ the Checkout Guy: No, it's part of the meal deal.
- [points to a banner on the wall that says 'MEAL DEAL: FREE DRINK WITH EVERY PURCHASE']
- Bridget Jones: [looking at the colored condom boxes on the store shelf] Are condoms meant to be coloured? Is hypersensitive good? Large? Small? Oh. Maybe just purchase a representative selection.
- [continues to toss like a dozen boxes of condoms into the shopping basket]
- Bridget Jones: Nevertheless, secret to calmer, happier parenting: one-night stands. Although, it wasn't just one night.
- Bridget Jones: Starting today: Will not set things on fire, will responsibly reset passwords not to include the word 'fuckwit', and will not be frightened of the school mums, in particular, Perfect Nicolette... with her perfect twins.