- Xander: What the fuck is that?
- Jake: That was repartee.
- Xander: That's exactly why I can't have you at the party, because you have repartee with everybody. You love repartee. All you wanna do is flit around the party, flirt with the moms. And then they all get mad and they turn on each other then they yell at Naomi then Naomi yells at me then they wont let their kids play with my kids. Then I have to play with my kid because my kids have no friends. I'm raising friendless children because of you! Do you understand?
- Jake: I...
- Xander: It is a cascading shit storm that is your creation.
- Jake: That is a tremendous amount of Malcolm Gladwellian logic jumps.
- Xander: Well you spent ten thousand hours fucking my life up, so bring Lainey to the party.
- Lainey: I know that you stop breathing when you kiss, that when you lean in to whisper you put your lips right ence the back of my earlobe, that you kiss the back of my neck before you slip my coat over my shoulders. I remember every compliment you ever gave me, everything you ever did to me in bed. And the day you made me yours, the day you said; "Elaine, I wish I could've known you when you were a little girl, so that I could've been...
- Matthew: Could've been your true love. I remember too, you know.
- Lainey: Would any of it sound familiar to Emma?
- Matthew: Some, yeah.
- Lainey: I don't think she needs to know the things she holds close to her heart were rehearsed on someone else.
- Paula: You can go get any woman you want.
- Jake: Really? Well, I still chose you.
- Paula: Why? Because I happened to be in your eye line?
- Jake: Well that... possibly because you're uninterested; most likely because you're stunning and successful.
- Paula: I'm divorced.
- Jake: His loss.
- Paula: I have a kid.
- Jake: I love kids. Kids love me. I basically am a kid.
- Paula: And I don't sleep with my employees.
- Jake: *I quit.*
- Thea: Why haven't we had sex yet? Do you just want to be friends? 'Cause honestly I have enough friends.
- Jake: First off, in our initial conversations about exclusivity, I distinctly recall you saying something about "staying casual," yeah?
- Hannah: I only said that...
- Jake: Most likely because you thought that was what I wanted to hear, yes?
- Hannah: Yes.
- Jake: Okay. Well, me taking you at your word doesn't make me an asshole. It does however make you a liar.
- Jake: I have a nickname! Wow!
- Paula: A *nickname*. That's how bad it is.
- Jake: Is that bad? I... god, I...
- Paula: Or, that's how good it is.
- Jake: Right? Well, see, that's what I'm saying. I... I mean I assumed they would speak about me but I thought I was gonna be more along the lines of like...
- Paula: Stellar Yelp reviews?