Artemis Fowl: O Mundo Secreto

Watching Artemis Fowl is like listening to someone read a complicated instruction manual at a very quick pace, without pausing to allow for questions or reflection. I get that they had to cram a lot of story into one 90-minute movie, but it just doesn't make any sense. Artemis is unlikeable, Mulch Diggums is annoying, I felt embarrassed for Dame Judi Dench, and the rest of the cast is forgettable. If you're interested in this story, skip the movie and read the books.

Truly an awful film. Scraps literally all the charm and myth of the book and misses every mark that would be necessary for even a decent film. The tone is confused, the scene direction is 10/10 for cringe. All those years of Shakespearean study and practice was a waste of time Kennith? Clearly. Packed with all the muddled and addled virtue signalling nonsense that you could ever need. It not only defuses any sincerity about the characters but also manages to destroy any possible tension. We seem to be in a place in film making where it is taboo and forbidden for anyone to represent negative qualities of any kind. Everyone is good and nice to each other except for characters hidden in cloaks or the colonial British man.

Josh Gads narration is not only entirely unnecessary but delivered like a high school students first assessment project.

Holly is wrecked. Root is wrecked. Foaley is nothing. Mulch is intolerable. Butler is wrecked. Juliet is nothing.

0 tension. 0 nuance. 0 technique.

It may be the worst adaption of a book I've ever seen. Definitely at least in the top 5.

Never read the books so im not judging as an adaptation, but that was pretty bad. Lazy use of a narrator, tons of bad expodumping, and pretty boring characters. No emotional moments because I just genuinely didnt care about the characters. left a bad taste in my mouth /:

This movie succeeds in being bad for those who haven't read the books, like me, and especially for those who have, like my wife. We crawled to the finish line of this movie, which we couldn't wait to be over. I was so lost. And why is everyone talking like their throat itches? And what does Artemis Fowl ACTUALLY do?!

If Disney put half the effort into the movie as they did into making a trailer and promotion, Artemis Fowl might have been only horrible instead of nauseatingly unwatchable. Thanks to the other 1 star reviews I will be reading the books so I can understand exactly how badly they dropped the ball. My kids and I haven't been this disappointed since the Last Airbender movie M. Night butchered.