- [first lines]
- Marv: Hello. I'm Marv. Today, we're gonna discuss baths - more specifically, how to take one. Baths have been around for a long time. The ancient Romans built fancy ones, like Caracalla. In the Middle Ages, the were called "stews"... 'cause you had to be stewed in order to take one. They were open to both sexes. Today, the Japanese have bisexual bathing
- [winks]
- Marv: . Here in America, we didn't bathe so much until recently. The Saturday-night bath used to be a ritual. Today, it's more like every other day, or... even every day. How do I know this? Heh. People have told me, that's how!
- Marv: Hey, you know the old joke, "What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in church?" I'll give you a clue: the woman in church has hope in her soul.
- [last lines]
- Marv: Once you're done, you wanna dry yourself on a big, fluffy, Turkish towel. The Turks were heavily into baths too, hence the expression "Whoo! It's like a Turkish bath in here!" Now, you probably want to curl up with a nice book, or maybe get together with a special someone who hopefully will have bathed too in the fairly recent past! Whatever... enjoy. Mmm, that's what bathing is all about... in spite of what you may have heard to the contrary. Have a nice day!
- Dr. Warren: Whatever it is you think I have done, I have done it ten times worse than you even know.
- Marv: Hey, you ever hear the one about the man who checked into a hotel room and got into the tub and farted? The bellhop heard him and brought him a bottle of beer on a tray. The man said, "Hey, I didn't order that!" The bellhop said, "You did too! I distinctly heard you say, 'Bellboy, bring me a bottle of Bud!'"