- Lois: Everybody dies. Some of us peacefully and in our sleep, and some of us... horribly. And that's life.
- Bill Shelburn: The monkey that likes killing our family, it's back. It must be vanquished.
- Hal Shelburn: Why won't you vanquish it, huh, Bill?
- Captain Petey Shelborn: [as he torches the monkey with a flamethrower] Who's smiling now, you infernal son of a whore?
- Bill Shelburn: You wouldn't happen to remember if, uh, my aunt had a wind-up toy monkey at the yard sale?
- Barbara: Oh, not a cherished childhood memory now, was it?
- Bill Shelburn: Does it hurt very much when you think, Ricky?
- Thrasher: Well uhhhm...
- Bill Shelburn: [mockingly] -Uh, -uh, -uh, -well, -well... Did you know that, uh, twenty-seven percent of all English-speaking people will either say 'horseshit' or 'holy shit' before they die? Now, it's funny, because death is the one big thing that'll happen to all of us, and yet we still can't help but be somehow surprised by it.
- Thrasher: Right on, man.