- Adrian Monk: For nearly a decade, that particular model... the Kitchen King 480 with the digital timer and self-cleaning oven... was the best-selling appliance in North America. I bought mine on March 1, 1985, from Carl's Appliances on Rockaway Boulevard. I had it for 22 years. It was one of the longest relationships of my life, and certainly one of the happiest.
- Adrian Monk: Maybe I need an editor.
- Beth: You've had five editors and two ghostwriters. They all quit. The last one changed his name and moved to Guam.
- Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, everyone has problems, and fears, and disappointments. They're all coping. How are they different from you?
- Adrian Monk: Well, for one thing, they're coping.
- Rick Eden: A billion dollars. What were you thinking?
- Adrian Monk: I was thinking about my wife. Molly was her baby. You broke her baby's heart.
- Erica: You remember an address you saw on a Post-It note two days ago?
- Natalie Teeger: It's a gift... and a curse.
- Adrian Monk: I'm no longer so sure about the gift part.
- Randy Disher: [about Monk] He's afraid of heights. It's his second biggest fear after germs.
- Natalie Teeger: Actually, it goes germs, needles, birds, then heights.
- Randy Disher: No, no, no, no, no, it's germs, heights, snakes, needles, Neil Diamond, birds, puppets... soccer riots, milk... baby shoes.
- Natalie Teeger: Wait, I think it's puppets... Is before birds.
- Randy Disher: Puppets is? Wait, so puppets, birds...
- Natalie Teeger: And mothballs.
- Randy Disher: Yeah, mothballs.
- Randy Disher: I loved his book about the global wealth gap thing.
- Natalie Teeger: You didn't read his book.
- Randy Disher: Well, I listened to a podcast.
- Natalie Teeger: No, you didn't.
- Randy Disher: Yeah, well, Sharona listens to it. She fills me in. I get the gist.
- Natalie Teeger: You don't get the gist.
- Randy Disher: Yeah, I get the gist of the gist.
- Molly Evans: You know what? I don't care. I don't care. Let him win. He wins. It was a perfect murder. I just want to move on.
- Adrian Monk: You could live with that? No, you couldn't.
- Molly Evans: I'll learn to live with it.
- Adrian Monk: [nervously] Is that 40 feet?
- Randy Disher: 300 feet.
- Adrian Monk: So 40 feet?
- Randy Disher: It's 300 feet.
- Adrian Monk: So 40 feet.
- Stottlemeyer: You know, I don't think I've ever seen your feet before.
- Adrian Monk: I have, three times.
- Rick Eden: I understand there was a story about me in the Times just this morning.
- Adrian Monk: Yes, I read it.
- Rick Eden: Oh, and do you think they did me justice?
- Adrian Monk: Do you deserve justice?
- Randy Disher: [propounding his "theory"] Makes you think.
- Stottlemeyer: No, it doesn't.
- Natalie Teeger: No, it doesn't.
- Adrian Monk: Quite the opposite, actually.
- Stottlemeyer: I figured I'd hang out long enough to help you nail the son of a bitch. Thats what we do, right?
- Adrian Monk: It's what we do.
- Griffin Briggs: The trellis looks beautiful. You were right. I was wrong.
- Molly Evans: Oh, you don't have to say that, but I sure as hell love hearing it.
- Stottlemeyer: I'm flying on private jets, and I'm farting through silk.
- Adrian Monk: Wait, you're what?
- Stottlemeyer: I'm... never mind.