Garota de Programa de Cthulhu

From the start, this looks like it's going to be a not just bad but poorly made movie. But I stuck through it for a few minutes and got some entertainment out of it. Here's the good and the bad:

Good: I like the story behind the movie. The acting for the people that took off their tops was better than the acting of the clothed people. I don't know if that's good or bad, but whatever. I liked the glimpse at the kinds of sad pandering that a call girl has to put up with, that was entertaining. The bad guys were interesting to look at. I am impressed with how much freaky can be conveyed with simple costumes. In fact, I know it is low budget but bravo to the costuming for the movie with doing lots with little.

Bad: I can't even call it gory. There was a lot of puppetry and fluids being thrown around so I can call it gross but in no way realistic or gory. Even in a movie centered around hookers and strip clubs, there's even extra nudity for no real reason. This stuck out to me, idk why. The sound was really bad in places.

I think it's an ok movie, poorly made in spots, badly acted in other spots but I can say I was entertained by the crazy and I thought the ending was decent. To watch this and come away happy you have to have low expectations. Which the name of the film sets you up with.

You may find yourself asking just what in the hell you're watching within the first 15-20 min. Press onward, and don't take it too seriously - you'll miss out on the fun ride. It's akin to something like 'Todd and the Book of Pure Evil.' The acting is good. Writing, wardrobe, sets, sound, effects, etc, are all on par with the budget - again it all works for what it is. You can tell the entire production team had a great time making this film, and made something they were proud to screen.

Bottom line, I know this review sucks, but for someone looking for a fun, raunchy indie horror-comedy based on Lovecraftian mythos, look no further.

This is a fun micro-budget horror-comedy with some decent (some not) acting and practical effects. Simple, yet interesting plot with full of Lovecraft references and some expected gore n' nudity. Of course there are some boring parts here and there but it is watchable (even more than once with the right company of people) Although makers of this movie say they are inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, I think their biggest influence is Troma films. The tone of the movie, colors, special effects and yes the penis monster reminded me of good ol' Aroma du Troma. Call Girl of Cthulhu isn't Chris LaMartina's best film and H.P. Lovecraft wouldn't be proud. But Lloyd Kaufman would!

If you're looking for a sleazy, cheap but fun Lovecraftian horror you could do far worse than this! With blood and body parts all over the place, some of the dumbest characters you'll see in horror (which is saying something!), and a very liberal amount of T&A/topless nudity, this is a real throwback to those 80s teen horror flicks that were only found near the back of the video store. A nerdy young artist decides to lose his virginity to a prostitute. Unfortunately, she bears a birthmark that marks her as destined to become the bride of Cthulhu. The 'Church of Starry Wisdom' (aka a bunch of losers led by a megalomaniac nutjob) are determined to bring that union about.

Whilst some of the supporting cast have a history in more 'adult' productions, the leads (David Phillip Carollo as the artist, Nicolette le Faye as his roommate, Melissa O'Brien as the hooker, and Dave Gamble as the nutjob) are pro actors; but they're ALL clearly having a ball and putting their all into it. Plus, writer/director Chris LaMartina knows his stuff; there are more Lovecraft references/elements in this that I think I've seen in any other movie based on his work. Overall, it's trash, but it's meant to be. I can't say I'll ever rewatch it, but it's fun. 6/10.

Some interesting ideas here and a good dose of gory low budget schlock, but none of the characters make much sense in what they do or say.

It takes almost an hour to pick up but gets a lot more fun when it does. The first half has an almost serious tone that doesn't fit the rest of the movie. If it had been crazy from the getgo and better paced it would have been better, but the second half is still pretty watchable.

Overall if you like schlock and cheap horror with nudity then you'll probably like this at least a little, but for anything more cerebral look elsewhere!