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Austin Found

Leanne: Honey, the truth is relative. The plain and simple truth is rarely plain and it's never simple.

Crystal Clemens: No kids for me yet, not with our hectic schedule. My husband's a oil man.
Leanne: How old is he?
Crystal Clemens: No, OIL man.
Leanne: Oh, oil, wow.
Crystal Clemens: Yeah, but I mean he's old too.

Nancy: It was a minor mistake!
Alan Dickinson: You accused a city official of bestiality. On the air.
Nancy: It's not my fault that he got rid of the evidence before animal control intervened.

Donald: I feel like we're pretty well-liked. Look, I can be socially awkward. You know, but that's more just being quiet, I'm not a jerk.
Leanne: I feel like maybe people don't like Don, but they don't say it.

Matt: The media, the press, they're disgusting! I mean, if only they were as honorable and conscientious as YOU are, then the world would be a better place.
Nancy: Thank you...
Matt: Mmm-hmm.
Nancy: I think. Or f-you? Thank you or f-you, I never know.

Leanne: You were the best one up there. You had it won, but you took your eye off the prize. You gotta keep your eye on the prize, baby!
Patty: The prize is in the eye of the beholder.

Leanne: The only way to make it in this business, honey, is to be a triple threat. Look at Miley.
Patty: Great role model, mom.
Donald: Yeah, she's a triple threat. She can sing, dance and take off all her clothes!
Leanne: Well, she's got a great body. She works very hard for that. Why not show it off?

Leanne: Nobody's ever won America's Got Talent playing a fiddle.
Patty: It's not a fiddle, it's a violin!
Leanne: Okay, a violin. I mean, maybe you get to be a contestant, but you don't get to win.

Leanne: What kind of pictures do you think we should put out of Patty? Like a pageanty one, or could I put out several? We paid lots of money for the best photographers, we have great pictures of her.
Donald: We go to Walmart and really get it done.

Matt: So are you like the disgruntled one, always a bridesmaid, never a bride?
Nancy: No! I mean, I was an outstanding student, obviously. You know, I was head of our yearbook committee and newspaper editor. I was Vice President of the senior class. That was great! I had to get votes for that.
Matt: So a giant dork.
Nancy: I hate you.

Patty: I do miss my parents and everything, but it's actually kind of nice to have a break from my life. It's the most downtime I've ever had.
J.T.: Downtime? You're a kid, what do you know about downtime?
Patty: Well, let's see... So, I go to school at 7 o'clock, and by the time I come out at 2, I have either dance class, show rehearsal, acting classes or singing lessons. And then most days I have two classes back-to-back. So that means I come home around 7-ish. Then it's dinner, homework, and my mom hounding me to practice with her 'til I'm ready to pass out. Oh, and let's not forget all the neverending competitions and pageants I have the pleasure of being forced to do.
J.T.: Oh, your mom's one of THOSE moms.
Patty: She means well, I guess.
J.T.: When do you see your friends?
Patty: Well, friends? No, friends aren't in the schedule.

[first lines]
Leanne: Patty Wilson, please tell us what is your favorite hobby?
Patty: I like going to school -and playing the violin.
Leanne: No. No. Patty Wilson, please tell us what is your favorite hobby?
Patty: I like helping the homeless.
Leanne: Right. Great, great, great. Ok, if anybody ever asks you anything, you always answer with charity, Ok? Homeless, pets, old people, doesn't matter. This is your pageant, honey.

Nancy: She's just such an evil bitch!
Matt: You do recall that this poor woman is looking for her missing child?
Nancy: Yeah. And I feel terrible for them. And I'm gonna be all over the story and do everything I can.
Matt: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

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