Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves

I'm quite partial to weird movies and over the years I've seen some truly bizarre stuff, but it still needs to entertain and this anus stuffed garbage fire simply doesn't.

It tells the story (And I use that term very very loosely) of Helen Keller regaling people with tales of how she became a famed wolf hunter and overcame losing her senses.

It's a comedy of the "Gonzo" variety and is as funny as a play written by three 4yr olds. Every joke made me cringe, it's not that it wasn't funny but that it was so unfunny it was painful to endure. This was one of those movies I struggled to make it through and made me curse my belief that you have to watch a movie all the way through to have a right to judge it.

Every single joke! So so bad, and after watching this and the easy bottom 10 Mummy Reborn (2019) I'm wondering what I did to deserve this travesty.

Starring the excellent Lin Shaye and a host of other notable stars I can only assume they owed someone a favor to be part of this calamity.

Just embarrassing.

The Good:

Decent opening

The Bad:

Outstandingly stupid

Cast are too good for this

WTF!?

This was the most exquisite, fantastic movie of my entire life. I have never seen such a well directed, supremely acted piece of work. The visual effects were absolutely stellar. I was titillated the entire way through. The dark humor was tactful and elegant, while the action was raw and coarse. It is not only entertaining, but exceptionally educational. The real story of Hellen Keller is honestly something that should be taught in schools across the globe. It is a story that needs to be told.

Unfortunately, my viewing partner acquired cancer half-way through the movie, so I was forced to halt my experience. I would definitely recommend to all ages, sexes, genders, and those with disabilities.

First off, I consider myself a huge Ross Patterson fan. I own all of his movies and his book and I'm pretty sure I have a lock of hair floating around somewhere in my house. That being said, it saddens me that I couldn't give this movie the stellar review I'd hoped. First off, the movie is outrageous, which is great; the title alone is enough to make a viewer chuckle. Second, the main actors did an amazing job especially Jesse Merlin who portrayed Helen Keller's gay brother. Now for the bad news. It seems to me that director Ross Patterson simply took the elements that worked in his previous movies (Voice overs for example) then did them to death in Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves. The scenes with Saint James Street James didn't even compare to those in Poolboy 2 Drowning Out the Fury, and a lot of the times the over the top elements of the movie went on just a bit too long and became annoying. To put it in simple terms, I just didn't find myself laughing very much (even while viewing during alcohol consumption), and that is why a viewer watches a Ross Patterson movie, to laugh. Any fan of crazy comedies will get a kick out of this movie, but in terms of Ross Patterson movies it is a HJ. It will never be your first choice, but after a sad sigh you will take it. No hard feelings Ross, looking forward to the next one.

I love big budget comedies and this one didn't disappoint - the grandeur, the pomp and ceremony like no other movie. Here director Patterson melds history and pseudolycanthopy like Powell and Pressburger never could. How they trained thousands of wolves would make for a great documentary and I know the fan club is campaigning for it. What makes the movie even greater is the fact that the cast and crew worked in perfect harmony because they could relate to the dysfunctional Keller family.

Not everything was perfect, frankly, I found the movie hard to rate; I found most of the movie earning a 10 but where it fell short was the sad fact that the lead wolves were cast against type, que lastima.

For the full Helen Keller movie experience, watch it with your eyes closed and the sound turned off.

Now for the spoilers - the couple having sex get killed in the second act and Kate Beckinsale's cameo ended up on the cutting floor.

It was trying too hard to be funny and the novelty wore off after about ten min