Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft

This is almost the only film that I can say without fear of contradiction: You cannot say anything revealing about this film that would spoil it for those who haven't yet seen it..... Anything at all will be a compliment or at worst... an improvement... including this review! Do not waste your money or time on a film so bad that it can't even be credited with the accolade: "So bad it's funny" I cannot truly believe that anyone involved with this film would mention that fact in their resume.... for fear of being immediately shown the door / being laughed at uncontrollably by all others present. Even had a junior high school child produced this, I would call their parents in for a consultation. There are absolutely no production values/ acting / direction / cinematography or other aspects of this film that could be credited with a vaguely positive critique...

Hansel and Gretel go to a boarding school and soon discover that it is inhabited by witches. Luckily, they are descended from a line of witch hunters!

I love that Hansel and Gretel not only had a big theatrical film at the end of 2012, but also had an Asylum release (with Dee Wallace) and this even lower film, directed by David DeCouteau. The fairy tale theme has been milked hard lately (we also had two Snow Whites), and nowhere has it probably been milked harder than in this film.

At least we have Eric Roberts! He is not credited on IMDb -- perhaps he no longer wants to get credit for his cheesy work, or they could not afford his SAG salary. But there he is, in glasses!

Although this film is bad, it is not quite as bad as some have made it out to be. I suspect they have not seen much of DeCouteau's more recent work. Compared to some of his films in the last ten years (which seem to be excuses to have young men take their shirts off), this one actually made some attempt at being a story...

The good: Fivel Stewart really does know how to fight and the five seconds they show of her doing so are great.

The bad: the script, the directing, and utter lack of depth, suspense, climax, or action. I will forgo critiquing the acting as the direction and virtually every technical aspect of the film are just so bad that it is impossible to tell if the acting was any good, they were never given a chance to act. There are significant flaws in continuity within scenes dealing with lighting, costume, tears, etc. It feels like the entire film takes place over a 2-3 day period while the story line is likely intended to span a much greater period of time. As a teen movie, the eye candy was so poorly used that the movie is a total flop in that regard. The direction of Courtney Turk and Tyne Stecklein would have been great - if they were doing a fashion photo shoot, but otherwise completely unnatural. Our local high school does a better job with their annual play and musical productions. I would revise my critique if it turned out that this was written, directed, and produced by a ten year old with a movie program on his new computer after seeing Buffy the Vampire Slayer ... if it were, some amount of courtesy applause would be due, after your neighbor poked you with an elbow to wake you up.

Sadly, this production is just bad without any of the redeeming qualities of a laughably bad movie like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". What I would like is the phone numbers of the people who paid a million dollars to make this as I am certain I could come up with something far more entertaining.

THat is the only way this movie can be useful. If someone lost a bet with you, make them watch this because after that viewing,they'll be very afraid of you. The movie felt so amateurish in terms of direction and also acting. I think most or all the movies the director have done are crap. If u check his filmography on IMDb, it all shows crappy storyline and the same budget. All his movies seem to have a 1 million budget but i think this movie had about a $50000 budget. The cinematography was crappy and the screen looked burly most of the time. Plus,the director uses the same footage over and over again at different parts of the movie.

The worst things about this movie aren't even the cinematography and the really slow pace. It's the acting and again,the direction. Both the lead actors didn't do much of anything. They just tried to look good and maintained just a single expression throughout the movie. Whatever happens,it's the same expression from the beginning to the end. But what can you expect from an actor who played a supporting actor in Twilight movies? You can forgive them for their crappy acting though,because they are relatively new and the only reason they are still getting roles is because the male lead was in Twilight. What we shouldn't forgive is what Eric Roberts did in the name of acting. That's atrocious. Unforgivable!! Of course,not many is going to know or watch this movie. Maybe that's why he did this movie. But the way he acted kind of shocked me. He looked like he was high on something all the time. Just watch the scene where he trains the girl. Either he was purposely acting like that to show the effects of getting high or he was freaking high at that time. Maybe that was his payment for the movie. I really thought that Eric Roberts was back to his prime after his role in The Dark Knight and The Expendables but i guess i was wrong. He seems to be more comfortable in low budget amateur movies. Anyways,even if Eric Roberts did a great job in this or he was replaced by a better actor, the movie still would have remained as a crappy movie filled with nonsense acting and direction. That's the bottom line and i warn you,better avoid this movie. Don't even watch it as a dare. It's that bad.

At the stated length of 83 minutes, this movie only really had enough actual content for the average 42-44 minutes of a one hour TV episode As well as the poorly done Buffy rip-off of the "mentor teaching the young woman to be a slayer" there was just nothing remarkable about this movie Plus, the only way this thing even made 83 minutes was with the addition of several minutes of meaningless shots of students walking around a school campus The brother & sister leads did not do badly... considering they did not have much to work with in the way of script or direction All in all... 83 minutes I could have used to watch paint dry