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Amor Certo, Hora Errada

Leo Palamino: Writing and the pursuit of a woman, like any impossible dream, are not about immediate results. They're about telling the truth.

Neil: You know, it is kind of sexist you thinking her kicking a football is cool.
Leo Palamino: It is cool.
Jill: [on a handglider] Woo hu hooo.
Neil: My wife flies. That's cool.
Leo Palamino: Eh!
Neil: Also, she made my ballsack a Twitter account.

Leo Palamino: You wanna get a coffee sometime? Or drink, dance, charcuterie plate? Everyone's big into those these days.
Colette: This is my wedding.
Leo Palamino: We all have baggage.

Mandeep: When I met Pooja, she was betrothed to a bricklayer's son cum internet millionaire.
Leo Palamino: So, what did you do?
Mandeep: Challenged him to a duel.
Leo Palamino: Jesus. You dueled him?
Mandeep: No, I just love how you believe any crazy shit I say about India.

Neil: So, someone started a drinking game.
Leo Palamino: How's it work?
Neil: Well, it's very simple. They go into a pub. If you're in the pub, you're drinking and you say, "I love you," then they drink.
Mandeep: Hmm.
Neil: [seeing Leo get up on the stool] No no no no no. Leo, no, come on.
Mandeep: [together with Neil] No no no no no no NOOOO no no no no no! No.
Leo Palamino: [to the crowd] You're assholes! You know that?
[pause]
Leo Palamino: But I love you!
[Everybody cheers and drinks]

Leo Palamino: But next time you try to lose yourself in some trauma-inducing sexual encounter, make sure the guy isn't in love with you.

Colette: [introducing her mother to some kids] Kids... My manipulative mother, who thinks I won't be able to ignore her in front of you... who is wrong.
Tess: You're disturbing them. And on their special day. Now that's manipulative. That's how you do it.

Tess: ...because if you can disprove one thing a person in power says, people will question everything else they say.

[first lines]
Julie Deere: I've been writing a blog about how much you suck.
Leo Palamino: What's it called?
Julie Deere: Why You Suck dot net.
Leo Palamino: That's a clear title.
Julie Deere: Are you gonna read it?
Leo Palamino: Nope.
Julie Deere: Our friends think it's hilarious. If you don't read it, I won't just email it with a password to people we know. I'll make it public.
Leo Palamino: Go nuts, Jules. Stuff it up your blog.

Leo Palamino: I love that she doesn't like roses. They're the attorneys of the flower world, don't you think?

Colette: Now, before I tell you about the bodies found under the floor when the hermit died, any questions?

Sean Cooper: You just got popped, old man. And to teach you a lesson not to chase another man's wife, we're gonna stomp you, too.
Leo Palamino: [laughs] Okay. Okay, 'cause I don't fight kids. Especially nice kids who are gonna grow up to do amazing things.
Bully Kid: Is that sarcasm?
Leo Palamino: Yeah. The way you're blindly following this dip-shit, I see remedial classes and meth mouth.
[the boy gang proceeds to stomp Leo]

Tess: Well, if I were twenty years younger and not in a committed polyamorous relationship with some people in Anchorage, I would... I'd fuck ya.
Leo Palamino: That is the nicest thing the mother of anyone I've loved has ever said.

Leo Palamino: You know, the right kind of wrong - for each other - is kind of what we weren't.

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