- Ossie Ostrich: Ah sow, ah sow, Confucios say, "girl who want big parts in movies, must have big parts"
- Rick Shaw: *To taxi driver* Take me to the Roxy, and step on it.
- Artie Facts: *To taxi driver* Follow that cab.
- Fu's Henchman: *To taxi driver* Follow that cab.
- Fu's Henchman: *pause* *To taxi driver* Well, go on. Follow it.
- Fu's Henchman: I ate a clown the other day.
- Native: Did he taste good?
- Fu's Henchman: Nah. He tasted funny.
- Insurance Guy with microphone: Excuse me, Mate. Do you know how much you pay for car insurance? Oh, wait... You mongrel.
- Dickie Knee: *After everyone's cab fair is $3.50* That'll be $16.90 Thank you.
- Fu's Henchman: You took me the long way? Didbt you,?
- Dickie Knee: I might've.
- Fu's Henchman: Do you think he fell for it?
- Fu's Henchman: Who cares? I just got six bucks for a haircut!
- Fu's Henchman: Nothing you can say will make me talk.
- Rick Shaw: Oh. Yeah? How about 100 Red Faces acts. With no gong?
- Fu's Henchman: Then again it is sometimes nice to unburden yourself to a complete stranger!
- Voiceover: Is Rick about to get the biggest bang of his life? Is all not well in Gotham City? Did The Cutter notice Ricks split ends? For the answer to none of these questions stay tuned to the exciting conclusion of Silence of the Hams.
- Rick Shaw: I knew i had to get to sound stage 3, or Fu would flee.
- Dickie Knee: How did you do that without moving your lips?
- Auntie Entity: Welcome. This is Thunderdome.
- Rick Shaw: Well it sure ain't the
- [Mollys]
- Rick Shaw: Melodrome.
- Danny DeVito: Hello?
- Rick Shaw: Hi, Danny. It's Rick. I got a proposition for you.
- Danny DeVito: Go ahead.
- Rick Shaw: Do you love your wife?
- Danny DeVito: Yeah, sure I love my wife.
- Rick Shaw: Sorry. I don't know why I asked that? Look I wanted to ask could you see your way into putting some money into this movie?
- Danny DeVito: Look, I don't have that kind if money laying around the house, its all tied up in investments. So sorry.
- Rick Shaw: But, Danny. You promised.
- Danny DeVito: No casholla.
- Rick Shaw: Well, what about just appearing in this movie?
- Danny DeVito: You make me sick. Make me an offer?
- Rick Shaw: Well I'll take you to lunch on Thursday.
- Danny DeVito: Thursday? Tommorow? You mean Thursday tommorow?
- Rick Shaw: No tommorow Tuesday. Look, you've gotta do this movie.
- Danny DeVito: And if I don't?
- Rick Shaw: Well, it doesn't really matter now. You're already in it.