João, Maria e a Bruxa Da Floresta Negra

I saw a poster of this movie in a mall: there was a gingerbread man smoking a blunt, and I thought it was cute and funny. I decided to give this movie a chance.

During the first ten minutes, the movie seems the typical horror-oriented (well, this is what it aims for; it obviously misses its point) comedy written by a pair of pubescent 13-year old boys. You know, boobs, weed, bad jokes and even worse music. But no, oh no, it gets much worse. The plot is dull, the acting is awful, the characters are the stereotypical boneheads you find in each and every bad horror movie: the hot blonde, the ghetto girl, the stupid hunk and the smart geek. Wow. Brilliant.

I can't even begin to describe how awful this movie is. Maybe that's what the producers wanted? Making a parody of an actual film?

If, as I previously stated, you're a 13 year old boy who likes weed, energy drinks, bad jokes and centerfolds, congrats: you can survive watching this movie. To everyone else, there are many better things you can do to fill this hour and a half. Take a walk, bake a pie, I don't know. Don't waste your time on this!

The pothead Ashton Crawford (Andrew James Allen) and his girlfriend Gretel (Molly Quinn) are smoking in her room special marijuana called Black Forest supplied by the drug dealer Manny (Eddy Martin) and produced by an old lady named Agnes (Lara Flynn Boyle) that lives in Pasadena. Gretel's brother Hansel (Michael Welch) arrives home and Gretel tells that she will bake gingerbread cookie while Ashton will go directly to Agnes to buy more Black Forest. However Agnes is a witch and captures Ash to eat his flesh and drain his youth to maintain youth.

Gretel seeks her boyfriend out and suspects of Agnes, but the police officers Ritter (Lochlyn Munro) and Hart (Yancy Butler) do not give credit to her words since Ritter knows that Ash is a pothead. Meanwhile the gang that supplies weed to Manny learns that he is selling Black Forest to his costumers and they threaten him and their leader Jorge (Joe Ordaz) sends a message to Agnes through Manny. However, the drug dealer is turned into a zombie by Agnes and Jorge and his gang pay a visit to her and are also turned into zombies. Soon Gretel and Manny's girlfriend Bianca (Bianca Saad) decide to break into Agnes' house and they learn that she is a powerful witch. Meanwhile Hansel goes to Agnes 's house to look for his sister.

"Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is a horror dark comedy about a group of potheads and a group of drug dealers that have their lives entwined with a witch that sells weed. The politically incorrect theme might be funnier for teenage potheads but the plot is funny and the situations works reasonably well. I did not recognize Lara Flynn Boyle, one of the most gorgeous actresses until the turn of the century and now with a totally deformed face by plastic surgery the same way Melanie Griffith and Meg Ryan did. Now she is the witch without make-up. Time is cruel for everybody but it seems to be crueler for those that try to keep beauty and youth at any cost. I have also not recognized the beautiful Yancy Butler, but she is aging with dignity. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "João, Maria e a Bruxa Da Floresta Negra" ("John, Mary and the Witch of the Black Forest")

Before watching I was waiting some boring Scary Movie-kinda thing (actually the first one was pretty funny)... Then I got interested.

Movie is full of funny slasher etc. moments and acting was just great. Simple idea and all but it was put together very well.

Got many laughs and all, movie somehow went totally on its own way. Glad too see that.

And that dope thing was well done not really like in many movies here it was really funny.

The main idea of this simple movie was very good and everything.

Sadly I didn't like the end it was very very Not a surprise.

But overall in mainstream case i'd give this 6.5/10 funny and not too teenager movie at all, just funny. Not waste of time if you like this genre.

A witch (Lara Flynn Boyle) is living in a mansion in Pasadena, California, making potent marijuana in her basement and preying on the local stoners. Molly Quinn & Michael Welch play the titular siblings who investigate, along with a Latina friend (Bianca Saad).

"Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" (2013) is an amusingly horrific take on the German fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm, envisioning events in the modern day with the witch preying on potheads. Witch-themed films were trendy at the time and this flick took advantage of the contemporaneous big budget "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" (2013), as did a few other mockbusters: "Witchslayer Gretl" (2012), The Asylum's "Hansel & Gretel" (2013) and Lionsgate's "Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft" (2013).

While it's not in the same league as the kick-axx "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters," it's amusing enough in its one-dimensional scope. Ultra-cute Molly is a highlight and worth the price of admission while Flynn Boyle hams it up as the perversely ee-vil sorceress. There's a nice balance of amusement and horror.

The film runs 1 hour, 26 minutes and was shot in Los Angeles.

GRADE: B-

"Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is horror/comedy directed by Duane Journey which stars Lara Flynn Boyle, Michael Welch, Molly C. Quinn, Edward Zo and Bianca Saad. Actually there are a lot of cool lesser known actors in the film that have some cool moments on screen but for me the story focused more with Lara Flynn Boyle's fun and comfortable portrayal of a stoner witch who eats kids to maintain her youthful beauty. The story is as you would guess a modern day retelling of the classic Grimm story. Quite frankly I cannot believe it took this long to make this sort of movie because it just seems that the pot community and the story of Hansel & Gretel where meant for each other especially as seen in this film. Also don't let the comedy part through you off because this isn't one of those funny flicks that relies heavily on the spoof shtick blatant puns. The humor here only comes from the simple and expected funny sh*t that stoner films are known for. Mostly this film stays with a classic 80's homage horror theme complete with gory effects, creepy build-ups and dark chilling overtures.

The story is simple and interesting leading into this sticky, gooey tale of a witch that lures children into her home so that she may eat them. Only this witch is the kind that you would really want to get high with and Lara Flynn Boyle plays the part perfectly. The slight nuances and interactions between her and other characters made it obvious that she enjoyed playing this role. The characters of Hansel and Gretel are also pretty believable on screen. The story manages to be witty and smart with plenty of representations from the classic fairy tale present but in a very fresh concept. I mean seriously it seems as if this story should have been a no brainer years ago. I have to say if anyone dares to see any movie with "Hansel & Gretel" in the title make it this one! It manages to be a fun original spin on the concept without seeming hokey, plus the elements of horror are far more impressing than you may expect. It manages to use a darker wicked humor which brought the funny without the ridiculous. I plan to add this flick to my 4.20 celebration as the final piece on my day of horror to get high with!