The Darkness, Rage and the Fury

Look, I didn't have high expectations in the first place. As much as folks refer to The Asylum as a nadir of cinematic creation, I've seen too many movies in which Uncork'd Entertainment were involved in some capacity, and frankly they're probably even worse. A boatload of exposition, presented by text at the start of the film, isn't exactly encouraging; it's not an inherently bad choice, no, but one that raises a curious eyebrow. Similarly, that 'The 13th unit' gives us an extra opening scene before the narrative starts in earnest, and has characters flatly repeat the earlier exposition and expand upon it, are interesting creative decisions. So is the weird embellishment of particular instances of camerawork, and this is sadly an improvement upon too many other instances that are tawdrily shaky and unsteady, as if actively trying to disengage viewers from the experience. The sound design is very uneven, oscillating between slightly subdued, just right, and grating on the ears. With every character introduced the picture shuttles back and forth between the past and present to show more of them in one way or another; the first example is questionable, the second is aggravating, the third makes me want to just stop watching - nevermind dubious sequencing that flits to and fro from one time or one character to another, and back again. This will continue for the entirety of the length. Only one-quarter of the runtime has elapsed and this has already become infuriating.

The only person in the cast that I'm familiar with is voice actor Robbie Daymond, here appearing in a rare live-action role. I know what he's capable of, and I kind of have to assume the same of his co-stars. For what it's worth, my impression isn't that anyone here is a poor actor. They are being forced into performances that are at best middling, however, by the direction of filmmaker Theophilus Lacey that feels unfocused, unpracticed, and bereft of tact or nuance. This applies as well to Lacey's screenplay; characters are shown to have their own backstories, motivations, and personalities, but none of this matters since they are all present only to be killed at random, or if they're lucky, to somehow survive. Dialogue ranges from unremarkable to hackneyed. The narrative and scene writing are excruciatingly weak and flimsy, and nothing but excuses for general genre vibes. I do mean "vibes" alone; we've on our hands a dearth of actualization and realization of the genre elements. One could reasonably suppose that Lacey was operating on a limited budget, yes, and so he had to be sparing with what he elected to especially show us, but it's noteworthy how little we actually see. And still - still! - for as low as the quality may be of Lacey's writing and direction, they are emphatically superior to his editing. What's truly flummoxing is that those baffling choices I've described don't even matter. There is no significance to the way 'The 13th unit' bounces back and forth so roughly from one time/character to another. Lacey throws this unconvincing, almost haphazard construction at us for no reason other than that he wanted to.

I can appreciate the desire to make a feature all one's own, whether one has the best means and skills to do so or not. There's nothing wrong with that. This doesn't mean that such affairs can be enjoyed by all, or that one should endeavor to have such work seen by all; consider The Beatles' ill-begotten TV movie 'Magical Mystery Tour,' which was surely fun for those who participated, but for no one else. So it is here. I'm glad if those involved had a good time, and I'm glad it gave them a paycheck. Good on them, and Lacey, for the effort. As a detached viewer watching on a whim, I'm flabbergasted. In fairness, the modest practical effects are decent, and the sound effects. The rather minimalist score, mostly keeping to the background, is actually fairly enjoyable. There are even rare, scattered moments when, against all odds, the movie is able to inculcate a meaningful sense of atmosphere, or very minor thrills. These aspects, however, and the meager quantities in which they are dispensed, are not enough in and of themselves to save this feature. Nor is the acting when the stars are mostly guided to such blunt, overbearing ends under such iffy direction. What value 'The 13th unit' has to offer is critically overwhelmed by a preposterous abundance of astonishingly feeble awfulness, to the point that such value becomes all but forgettable. Whatever it is you think you're going to get out of watching this? To be frank, it's not worth it.

I admire the effort. But perhaps Lacey should have left this on a shelf as a personal point of reference, then returned to the concept at some point in the future after he'd further developed his skills such that he could meaningfully improve on what he already created. As we see it, this 2014 flick is completely too deficient to meet with any major degree of success. My commendations and/or apologies to "special effects technician" Veronica Zabrocki, composer Chuck Henry, the cast, and the sound department. Otherwise: better luck next time.

Sigh...I'm about to give up on horror movies. REALLY. I try to find something original...something scary...but I really can't remember the last thing I watched that was truly great as far as horror. OKAY wait...SINISTER! That was a good film...oh great...I'm rambling again.

Okay...the 13th unit. Not great. Low budget that takes place mostly in a storage unit chased by something that the camera never really gets a good look at...mainly because of the LOW budget. The F-bomb is dropped more times in this movie than London during the world war 2. The true sign of a bad movie is just that...F this F that. Major bad movie red flag. People who are claustrophobic definitely would not like this movie...I'm not and still didn't care for it. A real swing and a miss, folks.

It's hard to overstate how gut-wrenchingly incompetent this film is. It looks like the final project of a student at an unaccredited film school. Specifically, a student who sat dozing in the back of the classroom while zonked out on cough syrup.

The film is about a demon haunted storage facility. The story lines of three groups of characters exploring the place are not so much intertwined as put in a bucket and mashed together with a toilet plunger, creating a confusing mess whose only positive outcome is to obscure the film's insipid plot. As the victims are picked off by the POV monster (fortunately never seen) we're treated to endless repeats of the last scene of "Rec", which might make for an interesting drinking game, but only if Thorazine were used instead of alcohol.

The main group of characters appear to be three hapless college age kids (Stringy Hair, Mr. Eyebrows and The Girl) who go on a treasure hunt in the aforementioned storage building. Their story is inter-cut with the two other groups, a widower and his dude-bro friend and a pair of women who (bewilderingly) resemble a young Melissa Etheridge and Cher. All three groups wander through poorly titled scenes edited by an old copy of Windows Movie Maker until the POV monster shows up to end their misery.

All-in-all, this is the kind of movie I would have made if I'd been a 16 year old death-metal fan with a serious head wound. Maybe the guys at Rifftrax could do something with it, but I doubt that even they could make this train wreck entertaining.

While not the best or thought provoking movie. It is something to watch if you just looking for a thoughtless scary movie. I like to watch this kind of thing while I crochet.

Considering the budget, there are a lot of horror films out there at 4 to 10 times this budget that just never hold your attention. Well put together and I really enjoyed watching it unfold!! There are a number of subplots going on within the story, and the Director tied those up nicely, kept me hanging on with just glimpses of the creature, I wanted to see more! I enjoyed the actors, good camera work and felt the film was edited quite well. Would highly recommend that it would be time well spent watching it!! My wife is not a horror film person and at first did not want to watch it, but said after the show that she quite enjoyed it and felt that she might have trouble sleeping that night, so with that said the film did make your squirm in your seat. Well done!!