U.F.O. Invasão Alien

Starring the offspring of iconic actors and boasting an appealing poster and a decent trailer, my expectations for the low budget British movie U.F.O. (not to be confused with the long forgotten Roy Chubby Brown vehicle from 1993) were high.

Two Seans, Brosnan (who looks and sounds quite a bit like his father Pierce) and Pertwee (son of Jon), share the screen with one of Jean- Claude Van Damme offspring and several unknowns, plus there are spaceships and fight scenes. Sounds like a real feast for exploitation movie fans. I was excited and I guess a feeling of disappointment was inevitable.

The problem is all in the execution. Sharing more in common with the all mouth and no trousers sci-fi "mockbusters" made by prolific schlock peddlers The Asylum than Gareth Edwards' similar but superior MONSTERS (2010), Dominic Burns' film makes all the wrong moves.

The problems are clear right from the start. A string of scenes that fail to engage and just go on for ages. The opening credits run over a long sequence in a nightclub which is interminable. Scene after scene is overlong (including a gratuitous sex scene) and too often the film is stylistically indulgent. The camera swings and sways and pans round and round but it doesn't make the scenes anymore interesting. There are also irritating insert shots that attempt to foreshadow the terrible things to come.

As tedious as it is ambitious, U.F.O. is as unimaginative as its title. Extremely derivative (there's a sense of déjà vu about each scene – right up to the closing moments), it takes forever to get going but then can't quite decide on a direction.

This is one of those films about a bunch of ordinary people who find themselves amid extraordinary circumstances. In this case the chaos of an alien invasion. But even after a huge spaceships appears, a lot of the film just involves spending time with an unappealing ensemble of characters talking about the situation and other things and not actually doing anything interesting. The focus is often on the crumbling of society rather than the aggressive actions of aliens but it's not involving.

When the characters do take some action and the director throws some physical conflict into the mix it all gets confusing rather than exciting. Martial artist Joey Ansah appears in a small role and fans won't be surprised that he gets to have a pretty cool fight scene, but when it happens it seems like things have shifted gears too quickly. The context for the fight is not well established so it's hard to care about what's happening. It's more confusing than exciting.

Sean Brosnan is the film's lead and fares pretty well as he's essentially still unknown. Sean Pertwee on the other hand has a number of good roles in high profile films behind him, so to see him essentially reprising his crazy act from the doomed TALOS THE MUMMY (Russell Mulcahy, 1998) in a couple of short scenes in a film this poor is somewhat depressing. Perhaps more so than when we see what Van Damme is asked to contribute.

This film's major selling point is that extended cameo from Van Damme. Something spoiled not only by the post and credits, but by a quick, out of context shot of the star moments into the film. Other shots follow periodically until his character actually joins the others late in the film.

Van Damme's appearance in this film is very curious, but alongside numerous direct-to-DVD movies the star has made supporting appearances in a number of films in various countries. He's been in Turkish, French and recently Russian films (none of which have been released in the UK yet). His glamorous daughter has her first big role as the nominal lead actress and I guess she or the producers convinced him it would be a fun opportunity for the two to work together.

Bianca Bree is usually only seen in very minor roles in her father's films (along with her brother who usually gets more screen time) but here the roles are reversed. This is indeed a novel facet to U.F.O. that fans will enjoy, especially in the final act when Bree finally gets something to do and we get to see Van Damme for more than a fraction of a second, but that in itself is not enough to make the film fun and to be recommended. Fans who endured DRAGON EYES (John Hyams, 2012) may want to avoid this as it's not much better.

The final issue I had with the film is that it didn't quite know how to end. There are several twists, each taken from other films, and one final turn of the screw and then it's all over. Which is a relief.

Dont waste your time, no history, no Sense. Theo real note like - 10

Admittedly I wasn't expecting a huge amount, but seeing as the idea was intriguing and had the ingredients for a fun movie if done right I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. While U.F.O is not the worst movie I've ever seen or one of them, it is one of the absolute worst I've seen this year. If you are wondering whether it is as bad as people are saying, in my mind yes it really is that bad. The whole movie looks as though it was made and edited in a rush, like a matter of days, it is dully lit, the editing is haphazard and unsteady to the point you feel nauseous and the effects look as though the makers had exceeded the time constraint and had to bring forward what they'd managed to do regardless of what they looked like. The music is so overbearing to the point I got a bad headache watching and listening to it, for somebody who has epilepsy it wasn't a good feeling. The dialogue is utter gibberish, it tries to come across as more intelligent than it actually is, almost like an attempted Shakespearean-like grandeur, but it is so stilted to the point it was difficult to get your head round what you were hearing, some of it even sounded improvised on the spot. The story is derivative and dull with nothing suspenseful, involving or thrilling, there's a lot of overlong filler that has little to no point or meaning and it tries to be too many things all at once and delivers it all in awkwardly done tone-shifts. The dramatic "poignant" moments were so mawkish that it'll make anyone want to vomit, some of it would be at home in a badly written soap-opera. You don't care for any of the stereotypical and underdeveloped characters, I usually try to restrain having violent thoughts against movie characters but I admit that I came THIS close to wanting to strangle Carrie. The acting is terrible too, Sean Brosnan lacks charisma and struggles with a character that has been done to death(much better too) and is often senseless, Bianca Bree is supremely irritating and Jean Claude Van Damme is pretty much wasted. Overall, in every sense U.F.O was a terrible movie and one that is best avoided. 1/10 Bethany Cox

OK, what the hell did I just watch? What is this crap?

Those who gave it high score, were on drugs. This movie doesn't deserve more than 1. It makes school plays I was on elementary school seem Star Wars-level compared to this.

So, it's about UFO invasion on England............. and it's not about UFO invasion. Seriously, the beginning is TERRIBLE: we see a bunch of people being in a club drinking, dancing etc. and then going to home and having sex, while there is an implication about UFO.

The acting was bad, the script is terrible, the dialogues are badly-written and badly-executed from the actors, who are very unlikeable and pretty much the whole thing is a big mess and I couldn't stand the directing and the camera shots, being all moving and making me feel dizzy. And how in the unholy name of the Great Old Ones did Van Damme got himself into this mess? Really slow time 'till the next Expendables, hmmmmmmm, monsieur JC?

I could say that this is close to "The Room" in terms of awfulness, but with "The Room" you can a crapload of laughter from its awfulness and make jokes about it. But this doesn't even make you laugh. It makes you sick and disgusted from you see. This is one of those moments that movie piracy can save you and your money.

Also, to the people who say that Sci-Fi doesn't need very good visuals and CGI and such: yes, you need them. Not Cameron's Avatar-level, mind you, but Sci-Fi is a genre that DEPENDS on good visuals. This isn't the 60s anymore where you had cheap-looking costumes and plastic masks and gloves and call it an alien. I remember renting a movie with friends from the video store, after university, called Alien Raiders. And even though that movie is bad, it has some entertainment value that is good to watch with friends, with pizza and Coca-Cola and make fun of it. This one makes you stop the movie and watch Mars Attack!, War of the Worlds (not the stupid Spielberg one), the old V, The Thing, Final Fantasy The Spirits Within and have more fun.

This one doesn't deserve to be downloaded via torrents at all.

Where do we begin? This British version of Manchester United Meets War of the Worlds (the original, not the remake)is a complete disaster from the first reel. At first, I thought this was a film project done by a first-year film student, but I soon realized it was much worse than anything a film student has done. The director of this waste of 100 minutes of film, Dominic Burns, has no sense of direction. The actors have no idea how to act, the cinematographer looks like it was his first attempt at filming the prom, Claude Van Dam makes Arnold Schwartzeneggar look like Laurence Olivier, his daughter is even more dreadful than he is as an aspiring actress (must be the genes), and the music is overbearing. Other than that, the film is a huge success.

A bunch of nightclub types pose as protagonists in the film, but after interminable meaningless scenes about them, you begin to root for the aliens to kill them. There is gratuitous sex, mindless violence and gibberish for dialogue. There is no plot per se. Please save your time and money for something a bit more enjoyable; like an hour and a half in the dentist's chair without anesthetics. Plan 9 From Outer Space is a blockbuster compared to this joke. I have seen over 12,000 films and this one easily qualifies for one of the bottom TEN.

Arthur H Tafero Askmrmovies.com