- [from trailer]
- Greg Heffley: I can't believe it's so crowded here. Maybe we should come back.
- Rodrick Heffley: How about never? Does never sound good?
- Spag Union Math Boy: I used to play a lot of video games, I was playing all the time. Sometimes two hours a day.
- Rowley Jefferson: I did promise my mom we wouldn't go on any scary rides.
- Greg Heffley: But Rodrick says you haven't lived until you've been on the Cranium Shaker.
- Girl at Cranium Shaker #1: Have you ever been on this ride?
- Girl at Cranium Shaker #2: It's way scary.
- Girl at Cranium Shaker #1: Did you hear what happened on it last summer? Well, my brother knows a guy whose second cousin's half-brother went on this ride and got decapitated.
- Girl at Cranium Shaker #2: No way!
- Girl at Cranium Shaker #1: Way.
- Cranium Shaker Operator: It's true. I was working the ride that day. The car came down, and his head wasn't in it.
- Greg Heffley: [seeing yearbook photo of Greg when he was a much younger kid] What the heck?
- [Flashback to the Heffleys' kitchen. Frank is getting ready to leave for work, while Greg is eating breakfast]
- Susan Heffley: [from the other room] Honey, Greg was sick on picture day. Did you remember to send in a photo of him for the yearbook?
- Frank Heffley: [having clearly forgotten] Yeah! I remembered!
- [in a hurry, grabs the first picture of Greg that he sees. The flashback ends, and a car horn honks, telling everyone to get out of the way. A red convertible pulls in, blaring loud pop music]
- Rodrick Heffley: [notices the teenage girl in the passenger seat] That's Heather Hills.
- Heather Hills: [to Holly] Get in.
- Holly Hills: But I need to finish signing Greg's yearbook!
- Heather Hills: News flash. I don't care.
- Holly Hills: [to Greg] Sorry.
- [gets into the car]
- Greg Heffley: But you didn't...
- Rodrick Heffley: [shoves Greg out of the way; to Heather] So... Heather. I'm going on a world tour with my band. If you're around, I could comp you chicks some tickets.
- Heather Hills: [pointedly ignoring Rodrick; to her friend Madison, the driver] Let's go.
- Greg Heffley: [to Holly] Wait! Holly!
- [Before Greg can stop them, Heather and Madison speed off with Holly, deliberately rolling the car over Rodrick's foot in the process]
- Rodrick Heffley: [hops in agony] AHH! OW! Ow! She was trying to act cool, but I know she was into me.
- Holly Hills: [while playing tennis] 30-love
- Greg Heffley: Whatever you say, love.
- Holly Hills: [confused and quietly] What?
- Patty Farrell: [about Greg] Weirdo.