Lua Cheia: O Terror dos Virgens

I don't like to run down British films. I knew it was going to be pretty low budget, but I've seen plenty of cheap and fun films. However, this time - when you're dealing with monsters - budget does tend to matter.

Love Bite is about a group of four teenage boys in a (fictional) English coastal town who end up being stalked by a (virgin-loving) werewolf. It's billed as a 'sexy, comedy, horror' film. The problem is... if fails on all three of those tags.

It's not sexy. There's sex in it. In fact, there's near CONSTANT talk of sex all the way through it. Sometimes it's supposed to be funny. Other times not. Either way, it's hard to tell, as none of it was particularly amusing. The lead actress is American, Jessica Szohr. She's sexy (and also the best actress in the entire film), but if you want to only see a sexy girl, I'm sure you can look enough up on the internet without having to watch this film.

It's also not funny enough to be a comedy. It thinks it's funny, but it isn't. From the start I saw they were trying to be like the (classic) Inbetweeners. However, whereas the Inbetweeners lads were all different and amusing, here we only have one likable character (a Simon rip-off) and three utter vile idiots who are nothing more than Jay-wannabes (only Jay's dialogue, although also crude, was amusing and well-written).

The film may be about werewolves, but there isn't enough budget for gore and decent monsters. Seriously, if it wasn't for the bad language and sexual nature, I'd let a child watch this film for all the gore and 'horror' that's in it.

I wish I could have liked this film, but it just dragged and I was praying for it to end. The best part about it was the police sergeant's daughter who had some great lines and came off as something other than a clichéd stereotype.

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Jessica Szohr is very beautiful. That is a fact. Since I haven't seen the TV show she is in yet, I can't say how she is as an actress or judge her in general based on this movie. It would be unfair, because the rating would not be a good one. But that is down to the character she has to portray, which is not much more than being there looking good and saying a few things.

Where the movie really loses, is in its jokes department and character development. Even though they try to be as smart and funny as any other teen sex comedy (with added horror elements), it lacks in many departments. It does pull punches on the sexuality too, when it should at least go and try to walk a like here. It never does, but has all the usual clichés ...

This is a British Comedy Horror film. I know this, because the poster said it was, but if you are looking for another Sean of the Dead, look elsewhere. I saw it in Birmingham, where there was doubt on the night whether they would show it at all. In the event, about 10 sat through it.

In a rainy, rundown seaside town four teenage boys are desperate for sex, and understandably no local girl or tourist will touch the crude, foul-mouthed boys with a barge pole. Their hunt for sex becomes all the more desperate as a werewolf starts picking off the virgins of either sex each full moon.

Enter sexy and mysterious foreign tourist, who takes a shine to one of the boys, but every full moon rejects him and disappears, only to be welcomed back with open arms when she deigns to show up again.

The 'humour' is mainly based around the boys using sauce bottle as phallic toys and the normally wonderful Timothy Spall creeping around in funny clothes and pulling funny faces. I'd guessed the identity of the werewolf early on, even though they try and build up the suspense and mystery.

It's rated as a fifteen, but I can't see anyone over 13 actually finding this funny. It doesn't bite, it sucks. It could suck lemons through a garden hose. Avoid.

I thoroughly enjoyed this film. (So much so that I have now seen it twice.) True there is quite a lot of all the (crude) stuff that other reviewers have mentioned, but there is also a story line that holds together remarkably well for a film about werewolves. In the course of the film suspicion falls on various characters as to which one is actually becoming the werewolf at the time of the full moon. I felt at times I was watching a murder who-done-it. By the end of the film all the earlier 'loose ends' are tied up in a satisfying way that makes logical sense of the script. The film's characters are, to a greater or lesser extent, larger than life (if not downright quirky) - but no more so than might be reasonably expected in a film of comic fantasy. All in all I found this to be a very original story. It was well paced and kept me interested from start to finish. The seaside setting was also refreshing and occasionally provided a picturesque backdrop. In my opinion Love Bite is well worth seeing (at least once). 6/10.

I happened to catch a screening of Love Bite tonight after the film I was trying to see was sold out. The showing had barely a handful of people and it is easy to understand why with the lack of promotion for this film. Not even a poster picture on IMDb.

The premise of Love Bite is a group of teenagers attempting to loose their virginity in the British seaside town of Rainmouth. Add the desperation factor of a werewolf intent on turning anyone who has not popped their cherry and you basically have the plot for this film.

Watching the film it just came across as poor version of Inbetweeners movie. Jamie (Ed Speleers) and his three best friends Kev (Luke Pasqualino), Bruno (Robin Morrissey) and Spike (Daniel Kendrick) spend their lives hanging around the fairground and chip shop attempting to pull women. At a party Jamie meets American travel writer Juliana (Jessica Szohr) who catches his eye.

As the action between the pair gathers pace a sub plot with werewolf hunter Sid (Timothy Spall) putting doubt in Jamie's mind that Juliana is not all it seems.

Sadly the balance of the this film is all wrong, rather than a good mix of characters you get one (Jamie) that is likable and three others who are foul-mouthed and crude. It makes the film overbearing and sadly it becomes tiring and the jokes lose any humour.

I missed the humour in this film, apart from cheap sauce squirting gags and crude one liners there were only a few laugh out loud scenes that made the film watchable. I guess this film borrows from other toilet style humour films and sort of pulls elements together to try and make something original, but doesn't quite achieve it.

Watching the film you can't help but notice that it was low budget. One scene you see the front of Claton pier as an establishing shot but Claton has been digitally replaced with the name Rainmouth. As Jamie and Juliana walk past you can then clearly see the real name in the background. It is just one of a few examples of goofs noticeable during the film.

I don't think this film will be at cinema's for long, I'd advise waiting for a DVD release rather than spending any money on seeing it on the big screen. Just about watchable, but nothing new original with unremarkable characters. 1/5