Barely Legal

Ah,... what can be said?? 1st off.. do NOT try to take this seriously.

Bad acting.. check Shitty plot? check Predicable BS? Mode definitely CHECK! However thinking of this as a moronic parody of a moronic film.. well u can't help but laugh it's soooooooooooooooooooo bad.

Nice cute girls.. nice tits and a few other bits.. nothing porn like.

However ultimately it's a bad parody... and you are better off watching Piranha 3DD since it's infinitely better and just as funny if not funnier.

btw fyi.. if you have under 2 hrs to totally waste and like cute semi naked girls.. well...........

Cheryl, Lexi, and Sue are best friends since birth when their mothers met at the hospital. It's their 18th birthday coming up. Cheryl plans to lose her virginity to boyfriend Jake. Sue is religious and shocked at Cheryl's plan. Lexi is sexually promiscuous and does everything except losing her virginity. After a misunderstanding in confession at church, Sue agrees to join the other two in the virginity plan.

This is pretty low quality in almost every aspect. The acting is weak although the girls are willing to show some skin. The writing tries to be funny. It has some outrageous moments that are almost funny. The production is really low budget. They seem to have rented a house and made the movie all in that place. This is a low-budget indie version of a sex romp. It's on par with one of those other alternate American Pie movies with less money.

I would like to begin by apologizing about using word to describe such a well-crafted cinematic masterpiece. I have nothing else at my disposal and words will not do it justice. This is the brilliant coming of age story of three young women who happen to all share the same birthday. The actresses playing these women should receive not only Oscar nods, but also the hardware. Hell, they should give them Best Actress, Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actress just so Jeneta St. Clair, Lisa Younger, and the refreshingly brilliant Melissa Johnston do not have to share a statue. There is no way a trifecta so perfect in acting should not be recognized as a whole. The Director, Jose Montesinos, utilizes his cast and film crew so effectively, the viewer does not feel as if they are watching a film, but actually participating in the entire experience. The connectivity he is able to bring out of all of the actors and actresses is unparalleled. There is a young genius at work behind the camera in this film. You will feel the emotion, pain, hunger, and desperation of every character. I mean every character. Tanya Yiang, who plays the role of Girl, will leave you riveted to the screen. You will despise Morgan Benoit's Jake with vitriol normally only reserved for the most heinous of villains, such as Game of Thrones' King Joffrey. You will feel the religious fortitude of Kevin Yarbaugh's Priest. There is no other way around it. The director got everything possible out of every actor who graced the screen.

Although that is impressive on its own there is little actors can do without dialogue, and the screen writer, Naomi L. Selfman, nailed this one on every facet of good storytelling. If you are someone who loves dialogue, Ms. Selfman's word craft is a treat to behold. Forget the wittiness many critics claimed of such wordsmiths as Kevin Williamson or Diablo Cody, they are not even in a league with Naomi Selfman. She is more deserving to be whispered in the same breaths as Poe, Keats, Whitman, Dante, or even Shakespeare himself. To say that the script of the film Barely Legal was Shakespearean in quality would be an insult to the film for it has set a new standard to which I am certain books, TV shows, and movies will be referred to as Barely Legalian. It was with some distrust that I took the Netflix recommendation from the PS3 Netflix Max option, but I could not be happier that I had done so. This film was a transcendental and life-changing experience for me and I am sure many others. I am seriously considering getting the three main characters tattooed across my torso, but alas even that tribute would not be worthy of such astute filmmaking genius. If you want to have your life changed and be awakened to what truly standard filmmaking is, then check out The Asylum's Barely Legal, but be prepared for the decrepit, weak, worn-out, schlock that Hollywood normally produces to not even touch your movie viewing palate any longer. It will be like having the most astounding meal prepared for you and then trying to tell yourself McDonald's will be good the next time you go there. There is only pre-Barely Legal movie viewers and post-Barely Legal movie viewers. I am glad to call myself one of the latter and if you take the leap you will be too.

This is the first film I have knowingly ever seen from everybody's favourite exploitation/mockbuster studio out of Los Angeles, The Asylum. These people can do more with $200,000 than others who get $50,000,000 can do.

This is another homage to the 1980's teen sex comedy craze that was ushered in by Bob Clark's Porky's back in 1981. Three teenage girls who just happened to be born on the same day and seemingly were all from families of privilege since they live in a huge mansion with no other people like a butler or maid, decide that they will all lose their virginity on their 18th birthday.

Lexi (Lisa Younger) is a slutty girl who certainly doesn't act chaste for a virgin. She is looking for somebody named J.J. who "felt her up" several days earlier. Cheryl (Jeneta St. Clair), the most level-headed of the three, already plans to "do it" with her greasy boyfriend Jake (Morgan Benoit). Sue (Melissa Johnston), a very devout Roman Catholic, doesn't want to go through with this and has apparently never "pleasured herself".

So while these three attempt to follow through, the people they invited to their party are certainly not shy when it comes to underage drinking, public sex, pot smoking and rabble rousing. It's droll to see Lexi, Sue and Cheryl oblivious to the 100 other people they invited having a good time.

As expected, the acting is atrociously bad, save for Myko Olivier's Eric, who plays the reserved, shy and uncomfortable Eric that is a major part of Cheryl's story arc. However, there's something to be said about seeing a movie in 2011 filled with college kids who aren't worrying about a bad economy making it tough to find work after graduation. You're just seeing a good representation of what goes on at a college keg party.

If there'e ever a snowstorm or a slow night ahead, this actually wouldn't be too bad to screen. It's just as good as any overblown Hollywood production.

None of the Asylum teen sex comedies are particularly good, so saying that Barely Legal is the best of them is probably not saying very much. It never does reach the atrociousness of Sex Pot and Celebrity Sex Tape and Milf and 18 Year Old Virgin weren't much better either. Barely Legal does at least have Myko Olivier, who does bring likability to the only really relateable character in the movie. It does have a decent soundtrack and is thankfully not as vulgar or intelligence-insulting as the other Asylum teen sex comedies. Nothing stands out visually though, the movie can have an over-saturated look to it and the camera work was flat-looking. I was not expecting the dialogue to be any good, it was one of the worst things about all of Asylum's teen sex comedies and has never been a strong point with The Asylum either. That doesn't excuse it being so banal, unpleasantly smutty and embarrassingly cheesy all the time, the way it's delivered too it sounds improvised and any lines so any lines meant to be funny or memorable just didn't have the impact. The comedy literally doesn't exist, and some of the attempted sexiness is enough to make anybody cringe. The story was a disaster to the extent that there was hardly any at all. What there is of it is incredibly predictable, but even worse is it feels too much of an excuse to string along lots of sights of tits, nudity and such. Everything just felt shallow and half-hearted. The characters are also swamped, with the sole exception of Eric Barely Legal is the kind of movie that doesn't let you root for them, and nothing whatsoever is done to develop it. They're just there as stereotypical ciphers. And the acting is atrocious really, the girls are hot but their acting talents certainly are not and there didn't seem to be a lot of real chemistry between them. In conclusion, not a good movie at all but compared to all the other Asylum teen sex comedies seen it definitely could have been worse. 3/10 Bethany Cox