Aliens vs. Avatars

I watched that flick a few days ago. Of course not completely. I guess nobody ever did.

The most interesting fact about that movie is that it was directed by Lewis Schoenbrun. I did not knew that guy till yet. But it seems that he is some kind of mentally ill reincarnation of Ed Wood.

The movie is really not worth any description. There is a blue avatarish creature in a spaceship orbiting earth, a Pretator like other creature and a Lost in Space (1965) look a like robot. Also some college students. All of them interact somehow without any sense or story line. They walk around on grass, now and then you see a tree. Guess the whole film location was not bigger then 100 square meters. (Maybe somebody's garden or a lawn beside a motorway station?) Oh! Also there are some laser beams in a 1970s movie stile.

I was fascinated by the most unnecessary nudity plot ever added into a movie. Its somewhere at the beginning of the film. Some chicks hike to a cabin. Then one of both instantly starts undressing while the other one walks without any reason a few meters into the forest. The conversation and the music gives you the feeling that you got accidentally the wrong disc and you are watching some kind of weired hiking soft porn. The second chick undresses during she walks into the forest and apparently just throws her cloth on the ground. Which really makes no sense in any way. After making sure that you have seen enough breasts, the predator thing shows up and kill her or whatever, i do not care.

Well if you wanna see the most unnecessary nudity scene ever, then watch the movie to this point. Then hit the stop button and bump your head for the next 40 minutes rhythmic against the wall. I guarantee you! It will be much more fun and hurt less then watching the rest of the flick.

...if you consume this flick according to the following instructions: Get a bottle of good wine (I would suggest a claret), some fine cheese (Comté and Bleu d'Auvergne, for instance) and fresh bread (Ciabata, why not). Settle down in a comfy chair, with a glass and a bite and fast forward the movie through the first few minutes to the scene where Victoria De Mare walks topless towards the camera. Her suitably attractive body bears looking at. Pause the film... Enjoy your wine and cheese casting an occasional glance at the paused screen and when the bottle is empty, stop the film. You can now feel that you have been moderately entertained by this film (which is more than you will be able to say about any scene in Blubberella). Trust me, this is the only way to watch this film!

Bad, crummy, lousy, bilge, garbage, hogwash, and still there isn't a single word in the English language to describe this badly-acted tripe. Mumbling, squeaks, squeals, blank stares and stupid grins are passed off as dialog. The *cough* "actors" outdo Pinocchio in the wooden acting stakes.

I give this waste of an otherwise perfectly good blank DVD 1/10. If not for the bizarre record attempt to get bare breasts, gross misogyny, references to incest, a person attacked by an alien, a muscled, slow-talking jock professing to be the best friend of a weakling Übergeek, lewd suggestions, virginity-fixation and sexism into the first ten minutes, it would have scored half out of ten. The half being given to the director for having the nerve to actually publish this offal.

If, within fifteen minutes of commencing to view, you don't get the urge to bleach your brain to a crisp or don't feel like running around in demented circles, beating yourself upside the skull with a heavy bat, then please, seek immediate psychiatric intervention.

How can anybody make such a terrible sci-fi movie ?! You can't possibly imagine it to be any worse . This movie just achieved the highest level of sucking in whatever aspect imaginable ! In fact it is so terribly bad that makes you think it's made by the greatest mind of 21th century ! And you ask why is that ? Paying attention to every little Sucky detail and making it suck even more is not something ordinary men can do , it needs a genius man, getting help from a genius crew, doing a lot of thinking and hard work . So if this was the goal of the staff of the movie(sucking as much as possible in 70 minutes), then I should say they achieved it perfectly, no hesitation whatsoever ! Considering this fact we can say :

DIRECTING : Simply brilliant ---ACTING : Marginally the best acting possible to mankind ---VISUAL EFFECTS : OMG! I am sure they found real Aliens and Avatars, made them furious of each other somehow,started filming their war,got caught in the middle,survived the war,edited the valuable footage and rolled it out as a movie ,cause otherwise how could everything in the movie be so real !!!!!!!!

All the above aside , I think if you watch this movie as a comedy everything starts to change ! Then it's definitely a astonishing comedy with lots of laugh and fun !

Okay this is my first ever review and unfortunately its for this pile of garbage! I watched this movie just to see if it was really as bad as the other reviews claimed it to be and its much worse. I have seen my fair share of B movies and this one is in a league of its own. I wouldn't even give it a sympathetic A for good effort even if a bunch of school kids have made it and they don't look that young. Its porn acting without the sex! so you can imagine what i am talking about. The visual effects are a sorry cause and the way the story has been put together is really pathetic. All in all watch a game of golf and you will find more entertainment in that!