Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

As a shark film lover I was deeply disappointed with this film and how boring it turned out to. I thought a film as dumb as the idea of a snow shark would have been a lot more fun.

But I hoped for really funny kills, but no. Just screaming them blood stains on the snow. The acting was so flat, and awkward. None of the actors sold this film to you, and the digalog was honestly terrible. Like how could you not have fun and give it your all with a concept like this?

The shark had the deepest range of acting, and it's not even real.

I don't know how a film this short managed to out stay it's welcome, but here we are.

I'm trying to find anything positive in this movie but they've done a very good work at making it awful.

The acting of every single actor is bad, and not in the way you can enjoy by having fun of them, they are just boring.

The attacks of the snow shark are just horrible. Most of them are just the victim screaming and a blood stain in the snow, but the thing goes worse when they show the shark briefly and you discover that is a puppet.

I was hoping to see at least lots of blood and guts but don't count of it, there is a few blood in every attack but nothing remarkable.

If you really want to see a snow shark then I guess this is your movie but don't expect too much.

Three biologists studying a strange phenomenon, stumble upon a bloody scene in the snow, unaware that a deadly predator is stalking them.

Now you could easily dismiss this movie after about ten minutes or so, and realise that it is abysmal, woeful in almost every single possible way, and you'd be right, it's an absolute shocker, but let's give them some credit for making a movie, that people are still curious about.

They made it, clearly on a budget of a few dollars, and props from somebody's store cupboard, so I'm at least going to give them credit for that.

The shark scenes are hilarious, you don't really see any shark attacks, just pinky red snow. The reactions to the deaths are amusing, especially the dude who loses his girlfriend, he doesn't seem in the least bit bothered.

I've watched it twice now, both time after a night out, it's awful, it looks as though it was filmed on a 2004 Nokia phone, but it has a certain kind of camp fun about it.

3/10.

There's just no end to the goofy possibilities in the "cheap and cheesy monster movie" genre. Here we have a finned predator that burrows through the snowy ground of New York State, popping up time and time again to turn various moron victims into Snow Shark chow. Among those who determine to destroy the beast: a knuckle-headed, macho local (played by writer / director / cinematographer Sam Qualiana), a team including two scientists and a boorish Great White Hunter, and a Sheriff (played by Sam Q.s' father, C.J. Qualiana) who has a personal stake in the mission.

"Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast" gives you exactly what you expect from this genre: a silly script with various attempts at clever lines, inane characters & amateurish performances, and utterly laughable special effects. (Still, I give Qualiana credit: he uses a puppet head for the Snow Shark, keeping digital nonsense to a minimum.) The wintry atmosphere does help matters a fair bit. The quality of the pacing is fine - this clocks in at a reasonable 80 minutes. (Although, some people would argue that it's still 80 minutes too long.)

Qualiana Sr. delivers the closest thing that this picture has in terms of a decent performance; he looks very serious throughout. That said, Qualiana Jr. is a hoot as a stereotypical redneck, and Andy Taylor is likewise amusing as the amiable dope who keeps ribbing his female cohort.

Perked up somewhat by its hilarious (if not that original) ending.

One good thing: this viewer did enjoy that closing credits tune, "She's Gonna Eat You Alive".

Producer / unit production manager Gregory Lamberson (director of "Slime City") has an unbilled cameo at around the one hour mark; one of the editors is veteran D.I.Y. filmmaker Mark Polonia.

Five out of 10.

Okay, this isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but really had to force myself to watch the entire thing. I lost interest two minutes into the movie.

Dialogue- stilted, off putting, uninteresting and flat. Characters- no real depth, these characters weren't even two dimensional, they were inverted. No on screen chemistry, talent or engaging characters to relate to. No one to cheer far.

Cinematography- Horrible, the color saturation was horrid. It's as if it was shot from a cell phone. Actually, I've got to correct myself, i've seen better movies that were shot from an iPhone.

This was just horrible all across the board. Acting, dialogue, characters, story, plot, execution/delivery of the story, no character arcs, nothing interesting.

I actually enjoyed cute cat videos on youtube more than this.

I imagine it was shot with a couple of friends, a couple of dollars and only a couple of hours, including the editing, retakes, and everyone's shooting schedule.

what a piece of crap.