We Wish You a Turtle Christmas

When this film was made, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle hype train was pretty much running on fumes. The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers would karate kick the mean green fighting machines off the top spot of kids' TV shows, and the third New Line movie would be met with negative response, as well as not make as much as the last two films. This was a dark time for the Turtles, as they would soon be put into something more horrible: two direct-to-video movies where they were attempting to be the next Barney.

Yes, in 1994, two videos, We Wish You A Turtle Christmas and Turtle Tunes, were released, and man, it was terrible. Taking the style of suit acting done in the New Line, these two films tried to take the once-great heroes in a half shell and turn them from crime fighters into preschool fodder. As such, these two videos are basically an attempt to make a quick buck off educational shows like Barney & Friends and Kidsongs.

In We Wish You A Turtles Christmas, the Turtles go topside realizing they never got a gift for Master Splinter. Along the way, they sing holiday songs modified to TMNT-themed. However, they are all done horribly. Leonardo singing a modified Deck The Halls in Jamaican style? Michelangelo singing a New York-themed parody of Oh Little Town Of Bethlehem? Yeah, get used to it, this is the majority of the special. Also, why are they walking around out in the open? Aren't they supposed to be hiding from the humans (including the kids they invite to their sewer lair)? This special has no respect for the source material.

The turtle suits are the flat out worst I have seen. You can easily see the straps on the sides of each turtle keeping the shell intact, and the faces are creepy, with those eyes and the mouths stuck on that creepy grin. Speaking of the mouths, they don't move then they should, which adds to the creepy factor. This is one of the worst things the TMNT franchise has spawned, and it should stand as the perfect example of how not to adapt a cartoon into one.

I'd like to say I have no words to express the sheer hysterical horror of this Christmas special. The truth is, since it's only 23 minutes, I have almost too many words. Where to begin? The story gives us the turtles doing nothing turtlely. Don't expect any fighting or ninja moves. This is simply the 4 turtles singing, almost non-stop for 23 minutes, as they try and find a gift for Splinter. The suits are so atrociously bad. These creeps never stop smiling. It was more like some sinister horror movie. They have one facial expression, and that expression is "rape". It's also very hard to see where Splinter's face is supposed to be. I think they just stuck googly eyes onto some brown cotton wool. Next we should focus on the music, as this is a musical. It doesn't just focus on bad 90's hip/hop and pop. Oh no siree! This little gem is going to take down as many musical genres as it can, kicking and screaming. Within the first few seconds Leonardo breaks into Deck the Halls...in a Jamaican accent. It's on par with Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, but at least he also spoke with a Jamaican accent. Why is a turtle from New York singing a Christmas song in a Jamaican accent? The lyrics have also been changed to include turtle references. Later we are treated to Michaelangelo singing opera in the middle of New York, and let's not forget the classic Wrap Rap. If you find bad things hilarious, you must watch this. Even though, it never quite tops the opening number. Pure insanity to imagine that at some point a producer suggested a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles musical with no fighting.

I've watched this every Christmas for the last 25 years. We really need a blu ray release. Preferably bundled with the not as classic Turtle Tunes. Also a CD soundtrack would be totally radical. Merry turtle-riffic Christmas dudes!

Bah Humbug I'm only giving it a 5 because I'm a fan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I grew up a huge fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the cartoon however I never know that they made this until years later after seeing it all over the internet from different reviewers

So one day I thought I will give it a watch and needless I have to agree about how shocked I was

For one thing the Turtles don't even look right let alone make up their own minds about what accent they have. With each song that is feature you hear a different accent it's like they couldn't stick with the right ones

The costumes look like they were just half made and just put on the actors with no attempt to make it work and it is clearly low budget this direct to video release

Now this is when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were very popular this video however was not one of the Turtles' better ideas plus most of the songs make you go what were they thinking

Now a song or two is so corny that is actually listening to it that makes you go wow

Only check it out if you're curious other than that it's shell shocked

I'm rating this not on quality, but on how much I enjoyed it. My kids laughed from beginning to end and I never stopped smiling, either. Sure, the costumes are horribly done and the songs are cheesy beyond belief, but that's part of the magic of this little known gem. Just grab some popcorn or some pizza and have a good 22 minute laugh. And have a great year filled with pizza with cheese, whipped cream, and pickles!