eCupid - Amor Por Download

The whole premise for this movie doesn't work because the writer had an epic character development failure. The only way the audience can root for this couple to get back together is if BOTH characters are likable. Yet, from the very first argument that led to a split between these two, I had ZERO desire to ever see the character who voluntarily moved out for some stupid BS reason. As the movie progressed, I kept hoping there would be no reconciliation. The precious, masculine, adorable, wholesome blond lead was totally wasted in this movie. He was worthy of screen attention; his partner was not.

Siri: Sorry Vye-ken, I can't find a reason "why eCupid has won so many GLBT Festival recognitions" may I suggest you look at the poster.

I honestly don't understand why this movie has so many laurel wreaths cradling "Best Picture", "Official Selection" awards from tiny American Queer Film Festivals on its poster. A crown made from laurel leaves used to mean that the recipient was an outstanding specimen of its kind and were raised to Olympian status. In movie terms it was an emblem of having made it to the Cannes movie festival. Instead, it appears people figured out that laurel wreaths can easily be made by stringing together a few bay leaves, who are the least popular and versatile members of our spice rack, and mislead many to mistake the movie for a good one.

eCupid is not a great movie, it's not even a good movie.

It is a cutesy little magical reality (the kind of stories your grandmother told you) flick that never should have made it out of the spell book. At least not without a lot more chanting and agonizing magic making - and maybe an eye of newt thrown in - to make the movie magic work. As it stands, eCupid doesn't really take off and left this reviewer feeling a little bruised. The story is predictable, with mediocre acting and such sad sets that make you want to make a donation to the filmmakers. It has all the essential - read predictable - ingredients: a cute male model type lead with a hug-able boyfriend, care-bearable friends and hot tamale one-night-stands. What it lacks is any reason to remember the movie once the credits start rolling...that is IF you end up staying till the end - because you don't need to at all, instead you may be able to catch another festival movie playing in the theater next door.

However, if you do tough it to the end, you will get to see Morgan Fairchild play a - wait for it - a country diner waitress. Shocking right?! All I remember from that scene is thinking how much more plastic can that women get before she starts melting under the movie lights!

"Marshall" - or "Marsh" to his pals (Houston Rhines) lives with his boyfriend "Gabe" (Noah Schuffman) but their lives are now pretty much going through the motions. There's no sex, too much work and their priorities have become a bit stale. He's browsing on his laptop one evening when he encounters a site that offers him a solution to his tired existence. He signs up and next thing he knows, boyfriend "Gabe" knows how he feels and, dejected, moves in with a couple of their friends. Unbeknownst to "Marsh" this app is now manipulating his entire life. It's fixing him up with dates, hosting parties and generally making a nuisance of itself whilst he tries to juggle the pressures of his job with his pretty obvious desires to get his "Gabe" back. Jeopardy? Well no, not really; nor is the much by way of notable acting nor writing here as the story unfolds. It does, however, have quite a powerful messages for those cynics amongst us who question just how dependent people now are on their computers and the internet when it comes to our daily lives. We arrange and cancel by text message; we create and change our relationship statuses as if we were turning a page on a calendar and when it comes to actually making an effort when the Sheen has faded a little, well again we seek refuge amongst the 0s and 1s. This is quite fun at times in illustrating the impotence of "Marsh" and also at the readiness of "Gabe" to take the easy option and not to try to work for what even a blind man in a snowstorm at 3am could see was what they both wanted. It is old hat, has it's fair share of gay stereotypes and offers nothing new, but it just might resonate, especially if you like your Merlot from "Falcon Crest".

This is a boring, shallow, tiresome, "Look how cute I am!" movie about boring, shallow, tiresome, "Look how cute I am!" West Hollywood types.

Someday somebody is going to make a movie about real gay people. Real gay people are not obsessed with their gym bodies and other guys' gym bodies. Real gay people don't look like fashion models. Real gay people get older than 23, eventually. Real gay people do not have blinding white teeth. Real gay people do not have perfect tans 365 days of the year, or even ONE day of the year. Real gay people have no idea what an "app" is, don't care what an "app" is, and got tired of the word the third time they heard it.

Whoever made this tiresome movie, and whomever they made it for - those are people I hope I never have to meet.

.......sites such as this, and elsewhere.

And yes, let me say it right up front: This is a well-done production (Calciano is very good at surrounding himself with capable cinematography and sound folks---there's little to fault). Obviously, his casting personnel have done their best to provide us with cute and hunky co-leads, as well as a fun group of major supporting actors (mention of some, below). It was a rare moment when their character arcs didn't ring true (obviously, the writing helped here). As to Storyline, it's as much one of "today's world" as it could possibly be....giving us an enjoyable ride and any number of lessons to be learned.

BUT having said all that, a large reservation remains for me....and it involves the Romantic angle of a story like this. So, let me be the Bad Guy in this group and explain my last statement in the following way:

Some pre-release photo shots and a preview trailer led this Fan to believe, or HOPE, that our Good Director Calciano had perhaps read and heeded a past review of mine ("Is It Just Me?"), in which I took he and other Gay Romance film directors to task for NOT providing realistic kissing scenes. About his last film's attempts, I basically stated: "Blink and you'll miss 'em." ....But STILL, even in this latest work, it seems if you "double-blink," you'll miss 'em. Just maybe that's because our two "eCupid" lead actors give little more than quick pecks on the lips or cheek (surely not a case of: "Whoa...folks might think I'm Gay"!?). Though I must concede that Frat-Boy Dawson was really "persistent".....and fellow worker, Keith (Matt Lewis, in an exciting performance) gave his lip-lock a really good shot.

Other main supporting actors of note include Andy Anderson (Chris 1).....and of course, the inestimable Morgan Fairchild, as the Divinity Drive-In's Mother Confessor....and Guru of Love (she probably even "out-angels" Gabriel).

In the end, let's hope there will be "some" learning derived from reviews put out here by nonprofessional guys such as you and I. Let's also hope for better film productions in future. (Hey...despite all, I'd buy another of this Director's films.)

Now...how to finish all this up? Hmm? By George..I think I've got it! BY GEORGE..I think I've got it! I'll just reuse my parting words in reviewing our Director's last film:

"So, how to end all this? Let me do it by asking: Is it fun and cute and attention-holding? Well, yes....for the most part. But that doesn't mean it couldn't have been better....and my rating reflects that. (And yes, yes, yes....I have watched it more than once before butting in here)."

PS--Interesting that most all of the first 10 reviews are by "first-timers". Friends, possibly? (And, Adam Huss, you actually sneaked in here---Go, Baby!)

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