Mistério: Acredite ou Morra

the movie actually sucks big time. If you want to watch a film noir, find Gotham, with Tommy Lee Jones. It's just as strange but actually is good. This had no script, bad acting, bad music, bad everything. It was totally a waste of our time so don't waste yours to rent it. If I could get the $1.00 back, I would. My husband said he couldn't wait to get this DVD out of the house in case someone would think it's the kind of movie we would watch.

We actually thought with the quality of some of the actors it would redeem itself if we kept watching it. About every 10 minutes we would look at each other as if to see who would turn it off first. the ending, WHAT ending. Did I mention this movie sucks big time?

Mysteria is not an especially good movie. Washed up writer gets somehow involved in a weird mystery and intrigue.

Problem is, the murder suspect has an airtight alibi -- from the murder victim! But no one seems to care. That's how poorly written this is! The film is full of holes like swiss cheese.

That said, it might be worth a peak on a rainy day when you have nothing to do and the internet is down so you can't get to your porn.

The film includes a bunch of washed up or third rates actors in their own right like that racist bigot Danny Glover who can't act himself out of a paper bag. Somehow he thinks that struggling to speak above a whisper is a thespian skill! The film is directed a bit like a film noir, it's a bit reminiscent of Angel Heart, and stylized in a way that's somewhat appealing. Maybe that's what kept me from turning it off, because the story line is poorly written. None of the actor's actions make sense or are believable.

OK. Well, to start with, Mike Rooker, who has p****d me off for DECADES with over-acting, and never quite making it, deserves a supporting Oscar in this. Yes, his script is good, but, at last, HE's good.

BUT

The film is just, I dunno, not quite there. Too clever? Don't get me wrong, I liked it, it left me guessing, but that's just it. The back-story, the narrative in the writer's/director's mind, never quite made it to screen.

I'm left knowing I saw something good, something very good, but somehow, just a little, empty. Unresolved. And I'm not trying to say EVERYTHING should resolve - I mean, hey, I live in the UK - we can't even get the weather right - but.... I liked the film (it's gone from 7 to 8 while I wrote this, and the cinematography, script, acting, are all top notch...)

But then hey. I admired, and was irritated by Mulholland Drive. For similar reasons. Very similar. watch it. Definitely watch it. But don't blame me if you get just a little bit lost when the credits roll.

Aleister Bain (Robert Miano) is a washed up Hollywood screenwriter desperate to finish his script. He becomes the center of a noir investigation into the murder of a prominent politician's wife Lavinia (Meadow Williams). She's a fan who tracks him down for a dinner date. Danny Glover plays the investigator, Martin Landau is the hotel manager, and Billy Zane is the producer.

It's a little noir indie from newbie Lucius C. Kuert. The best thing is the acting talents involved. They are all people who have the parts in them. However this is just so badly made. I almost feel like the washed up hack writer in the movie wrote this tripe. Somebody watched too many black and white noir movies and wrote something for film school. It has nothing interesting or new. They don't do the femme fatale right. Robert Miano has the gruff look but he has nothing else going for him. It moves at a snail's pace and it dies a slow death.

This is one of those movies not so easy to warm to, as is evidenced by the polarized reviews here. But I found as I got more accustomed to the quirky pacing and flashback/flash forward style I liked Mysteria more and more until it became as they say compulsively watchable. It's difficult to categorize Mysteria: the closest to a broad brushstroke description would be neo-noir, but more specifically it's a kind of existential retro-thriller parody, with lots of B movie overtones, which I suppose is a more circuitous way of saying neo-noir. The story takes place in a Los Angeles-like environ in a frozen, late 80s (or thereabouts) gestalt, but it's all a little vague.

To some extent Mysteria has to be catnip to fans of noir, and of course several noir films are specifically mentioned, including The Killing, the choppy, nonlinear style of which Mysteria mimics. Other films that are referenced, either by design or no, include Dead of Night, and more recently, Usual Suspects, Memento, and especially Mulholland Drive.

Mysteria is well-cast. The familiar names – Landau, Zane, and Glover – have what amount to little more than extended cameos. But it's Robert Miano's movie and he's perfect for the role: he essays the confused, unkempt, unshaven, needing-a-shower, always late, always-smoking-a-cigarette hero in in eminently underplayed style and somehow it works perfectly.

Mysteria pulls out about every neo-noir trope in the book: along with the murky look and labyrinthine plot we have near-caricatures of the sleazy private eye and especially the down-on-his-luck screenwriter (is there any other kind?). Aleister Bain is a gin-swilling, chain smoking, disheveled, onetime success who lives in a low class hotel where he can't pay his rent, and of course he has writer's block. A bright spot in his life is a beautiful blonde film student (played by Meadow Williams) who's his biggest fan and a kind of Gal Friday wannabe.

Ultimately the story leaves quite a bit unresolved, to say the least. And I like that. Maybe I'm just easy to please but I give this one a solid seven stars.