The Siege

I am no movie snob. I grew up on cheesy 90's actions. Let me be clear even though they clearly wanted to go with a cheesy 90's action vibe that's not what this movie is. This.....I don't even know how to describe. It feels like something made by a bunch of teen boys and shot with their iphone.

Every part of this is horrible. From the absolutely atrocious scrip which feels as if it's written by a 12 year old , to cinematography which makes most vacation videos look like a master piece, to the horrible sound and score but perhaps the worst part of all is the acting. I have no idea who the actor is that portrays the main character but I am 100% sure he is just a body builder who has never taken an acting lesson in life. Every scene with him is just an atrocity. He seems almost entirely dedicated to posing and showing off his muscles and he barely capable of reacting to anything around him or interacting with his co stars. His fight scenes are hilariously and you can practically hear how much he strains to make his voice sound rough to make his voice sound more video gamey

I have no idea how movie was greenlit much less how it got it's low level internet popularity but I am completely convinced that it has to do with nepotism. That someone involved with this atrocity has a daddy in the industry who pulled some strings. I really hope that some movie blogger with too much time on their hands does an investigation in the history of this movie and what kind of strings had to be pulled for it to see the light of the day because this would be a thousand times more interesting then this atrocity

TL;DR. It's very bad. Don't watch it.

Words cannot express how horrible this movie is.

There is nothing else to say besides save the 1.5 hours of your life and read a book.

There are no redeeming features for this movie.

Here's the main issues; The plot is weak and forced. Acting is very poor, though the terrible script probably didn't help the actors.

Poor casting.

The big hero is just walking around and flexing his biceps and mumbling his lines through the whole movie.

Special effects look like they were done by a 5 year old - Was the director even awake?

Already mentioned the terrible script, but it was worth another mention.

In summary, don't waste your time.

Who ever promised that I would laugh throughout the entire runtime is a liar. Maybe if I'd been higher than a kite, hopped up on acid, taking a psychedelic trip, maybe, just maybe, I might have laughed.

There wasn't an original thought, speech or scene in the entire movie. Others have been there and done this soooooo many times. I have no clue as to who the leads are, and honestly, do not care. Their acting was horrible. The could have been given the best script on the plant and still could not have acted their way out of wet paper bags.

They guy with the muscles should have spent less time in a gym and more time with an acting coach. And then maybe he would be able to move his arms normally. As for the chick, she may be ok in something else, but good grief.

Remember Kingsmen? That franchise showed it was possible to build a franchise by riffing off an idea that might seem a little loony at first glance. This low-budget but promising little indie starts with the premise that there is an un-named organization that does nothing else but repackage and relocate professional killers who fail to eliminate all witnesses during an assignment, and are therefore at risk. If you can handle that premise, there is not much amiss with Siege that a little more budget would not have fixed. Daniel Stisen has both the size and the charisma to handle his first leading role. The script has ups and downs, but more of the former than the latter. The action is regular and pleasantly distracting. ((Designated "IMDb Top Reviewer." Please check out my list "167+ Nearly-Perfect Movies (with the occasional Anime or TV miniseries) you can/should see again and again (1932 to the present))

Had a good concept but the execution was severely lacking. Seriously, the synopsis sounds great, and the opening scene sets you up for a ride, but then it all falls apart. It spends too much time with slow, stilted dialog and just a general snail pace. The biggest problem is it wants to be more epic, grander, wilder than it really is.

The main character, who is an impressive hulk of a man, lacks any charisma. His grungy voice and quips, I assume trying to harken back to bygone days of a "man's man" rogue, just didn't work. The other 2 women's characters weren't memorable, either. Not to bust on anyone's acting chops but this wasn't the movie where anybody shines.

The action was a real letdown, so those hoping for a banging good time with bullets flying and explosions will similarly be disappointed. There's minimal gunplay, with the usual "trained assassins/soldiers that can't hit the broad side of a barn" mindlessness, and the fisticuffs are even less impressive. For Stisen's stature, you'd expect him to be out there ripping people new ones but apparently, he's just an average joe when it comes to any physical combat.

Returning to the idea of it wanting to be bigger than it is, there are many over-the-top moments that feel ill-placed. In one scene, the heroes go down a fire escape while a bad guy rains not a hail, but a full-blown hurricane of bullets from a heavy machine gun at them for a good minute. I'm talking 1000+ rounds, and of course every bullet just ricochets off the railings, posing no threat. It's too ridiculous for this movie and feels like they couldn't commit to being too wild (most likely for budget reasons). The movie might've been better had they just gone nuts with it and not have it be such a serious affair.