Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

In the Florida Everglades, animal rights activist Debbie Gibson (as Nikki Riley) appears to kidnap caged snakes and return them to the wild. "That woman's got a thing for snakes," notes one redneck. She is the opposite of park ranger Tiffany (as Terry O'Hara), who sees the snakes as a threat to local wildlife and orders hunters to kill them all. Debbie wants them to let nature take care of the problem. Tiffany wants to help nature along. The snakes eat alligators, so Tiffany decides to feed steroid-injected chickens to the alligators. When one eats the other, they should all die. Instead, they mutate into monsters. None of it makes much sense. Even before being fed bad chicken, the snakes get big and start attacking people, like Tiffany's cute boyfriend...

Debbie blames Tiffany...

Tiffany blames Debbie...

Former daytime TV star A Martinez (as Diego Ortiz) arrives to help. He is a scientist, reptile expert and pilot...

Alarmed by the size and viciousness of the alligators, Mr. Martinez wants to stop a local fund-raiser. Forgetting all about her friends being killed, Tiffany wants the event to go on as scheduled. Meanwhile, Debbie sees a friend eaten alive. You'll have to see if they can put aside their differences for diva friendly director Mary Lambert, and save the park. Tiffany and Debbie were pop recording stars in the 1980s and each contributes a new song to the story. Appropriately, the songs are snake-themed. The Monkees' drummer and lead singer Micky Dolenz is a special treat. But the best part is watching a knock-down, drag-out fight between the co-starring singers, especially when Debbie straddles Tiffany and applies cake frosting to her cleavage.

*** Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (1/29/11) Mary Lambert ~ Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, A Martinez, Kathryn Joosten

This is one of several movies where they take has-beens from yesteryear and have them do silly things. This movie features Debbie Gibson and Tiffany, teeny-bop pop starts from the 80s, but they're not really has-beens. Both of them still have careers that most actresses and singers can only dream about. It also features some guy from the 80s band The Monkeys.

Nevertheless, Debbie plays a tree hugging environmentalist who releases some snakes into the Everglades. Tiffany plays a voluptuous park ranger who feeds steroid induced chickens to alligators thinking that the alligators would eat the snakes. What could go wrong?

As a former fan of the singers, I was more than pleased. Cute Debbie has grown up to be a mature, beautiful woman, slender, yet muscular. She spends the second half of the movie running around in an evening gown about the size of a hand towel. Tiffany has curves that are imprinted in my brain. The two play rivals in the movie, occasionally using the B-word to refer to each other. At one point, the two ladies get into a cat fight.

The movie knows it's a joke, and it doesn't pretend to be otherwise. The ladies don't take themselves seriously either. Both know it's a stupid low budget B-movie, if that. If you were in love with Debbie Gibson and/or Tiffany back in the 80s, then you'll like this movie. If not, then I highly advise that you skip it.

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011)

** (out of 4)

Another SyFy cheapie has Terry (Deborah Gibson), a snake lover, breaking into a lab and releasing several pythons so that they can find their freedom. Later on down the road the Florida Everglades are in trouble because the alligator population is dying and it appears they're being killed by large pythons. To return nature to its original course, the sheriff (Tiffany) gives the gators some steroids so that they'll grow and kill the pythons. The latest in the MEGA and VS. titles that SyFy seem to loved, this one here fits the bill for what one would want in a "B" movie. Those in the 50s had I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN and today's generation is greeted with stuff like MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID. It's sad but I guess it needs to be said but if you're expecting or wanting some sort of high art film then I'd recommend you go watch something by Kurosawa. You're certainly not going to witness anything ground breaking or Oscar-worthy but that's okay. If you're wanting a campy film full of silly moments then this will be just for you. Overall I had a decent time with the film and I can't help but give a lot of the credit to Tiffany and Gibson. Neither one will be picking up an Oscar anytime soon but I must admit that I enjoyed seeing them together even when their earlier SyFy films really didn't work. The two are obviously having fun together and the big cat fight between the two was actually quite funny. Not only to they break things, throw punches and roll around but they also get to rub cake on each others breasts, which I'm sure will have fans eating up. The two fit their roles good enough and neither give a "good" performance so we get some rather funny moments including the scene where Gibson is crying over her dead boyfriend yet I never once spotted a tear. I'm glad neither actress tried to pretend they were in some "A" production as it's clear both of them know they're doing something campy and they deliver the goods for this type of film. We even get a pretty funny bit where the dialogue between the two is actually from Tiffany's hit single back in the day. Director Lambert actually does a decent job with the material as she never lets things get too slow or boring, which is pretty much all you can ask for in a film like this. The one thing that I would say is that the CGI effects appear to be getting worse with each passing film and I'm starting to wonder if they're doing it on purpose or not. I really wish they'd try to have a bit more imagination so that these horrid effects wouldn't have to be used as much.

Don't you just love when the infamous Asylum production discriminates your brain? It's just intolerable! I know, now you're thinking "then why did you watch that film?", because I want to issue a warning to all people who loves to watch movies, to avoid this at every cost. So, this movie was directed by Mary Lambert who directed "Pet Cemetery" and it's sequel. But, Mary is definitely one of those directors whose career was washed up and so, she joined the Asylum. Now… I don't know… I bet that producers of Asylum are the fans of Debbie Gibson and Tiffany… And they took this failed director and these two failed singers… oh yes, how did they call them? The 80s pop sensations? What sensations? The two of them had only one hit song that sucked big time. And they obviously wanted to show some kind of rivalry between the two "pop sensations", and they did it with the duel on a party, which was one of the funniest things I have ever seen… especially in the film that, like… tends to be somewhat "serious"… That duel was predicted by Bill Hicks, if you ask me… Now, what to say? Directing was horrible, acting was dreadful (all actors in this film… wow… they never ever heard about acting. Tiffany and Debbie were characters that presented a last straw in this crap, two failed "pop sensations" in failed movie career. Are they that dumb, not to notice that the joke was on their expense?), editing, music score, camera work, well… that's asylum… and CGI which is the highlight of badness… no need to talk about this… in this moment, my fingers are shivering and my brain hurts! Avoid this and do something better with your life, fill your bathtub and practice holding your breath for a… two hours. It's far more exciting than watching this turd.

As I have said many times, I have made no secret of disliking most of SyFy's output. I kind of knew that Mega Python vs. Gataroid was going to be bad, and it was. However, because the concept was intriguing, it started off alright and because Deborah Gibson and Tiffany were decent, it is not as unwatchable as something like Quantum Apocalypse, Alien vs vs. Hunter or Titanic II.

The special effects are crude-looking and in my opinion not used very well, as the film is often very silly and lacking in tension and atmosphere, while the camera work and editing are slapdash. As I said, Mega Python vs Gataroid has a good concept, it starts off well and has a quite enjoyable scene involving a meeting to save the everglades, but the sillier it gets the more meandering the storytelling becomes. The film is rushed, too short, has some really absurd dialogue and the acting excepting the two leads is painful especially from Micky Dolenz.

Overall, although it is a bad movie, I can't bring myself to entirely hate it. 3/10 Bethany Cox