Metal Tornado

...if you imagine it as a porno. It is seriously so cheesy, you expect someone to just take their clothes off any second. It's one of those movies where you think you've seen that actor in another movie, but naw, surely someone in this movie wouldn't have ever had another role, but NO!! These actors were literally in other movies/shows! Its so bad, you expect this to be a YouTube film! Literally save yourself the money and find something on youtube to watch, you'll be much happier. All in all though, if you like B-movies.... stay away. This classifies as Z-list, right up there with "A Grave Mistake." However if you are into Z-listers, be my guest... I sat through it all because it deserves a fair chance and I like cheesy movies, but don't expect anything more. Seriously, it would've done better as a porno.

Trying to find a new, much more powerful way of using solar energy, scientists are setting free a magnetic field which roams across the country, whirling around every kind of metal thing, until the effect is a metal tornado which destroys towns almost like a very big lawnmower. Every time the hero is asked just how scientific the whole thing is, he says something like "No time to explain now", and starts to run. So much for that. Following the clichés of the genre, there is a rebellious genius, warning that a catastrophe is near, and an evil business man who wants to hush the whole thing up even at the cost of some lives. With increasing power of the storm, they have to work together and find a possible solution, though.

Yes, it's a typical genre movie going by the checklist what's got to be in there, but still it was better than I expected. It was wise just to put a town in Pennsylvania in danger, not having to save the whole world this time. A parallel event in Paris is also described, the Eiffel tower being a perfect choice for any catastrophe related to magnetism, but since all the main characters are in the US, this string of the story remains pale.

Even if the special effects are very, very cheap - such as rattling a shelf with tin cans to show the tornado is approaching - it looks okay for a TV production. Always keep in mind we are talking about small budget TV here, comparisons to Hollywood blockbusters with their enormous technical capabilities are therefore neither reasonable nor fair. Taking that into consideration, I vote 6 of 10.

"Metal Tornado" (2011) is another Syfy creature feature, although this time the "monster" is -- you guessed it -- a metal tornado, a magnetic vortex that attracts an increasing amount of metal objects (cars, toasters, etc.) and moves about according to an iron vein under the earth.

Aside from the protagonist Lou Diamond Phillips and Kate Drummond, the latter as a barely seen biker babe, the cast is blasé (although the youth who plays Diamond's son is good). Nicole de Boer is also on hand.

As noted in my title blurb, "Metal Tornado" is surprisingly well done for a made-for-TV creature feature; unfortunately it's unmemorable. There's nothing about it that makes it standout from the scores of similar TV movies. Although it tries to work up suspense, it lacks drive, and it's definitely NOT horrifying. Ultimately, it just comes across as hackneyed and forgettable.

"Metal Tornado" is only worth viewing if you have a preference for one or more of the cast members and you have an unquenchable hunger for these types of trite movies.

The story takes place in Pennsylvania, with many shots of Philadelphia (and some of Paris), but the film was shot in Ottawa.

The runtime is 90 minutes.

GRADE: C-

An experiment with unlimited energy form solar flares goes awry. At least that is the premise. In reality, it is a standard disaster movie. The head of the firm was warned ahead of time that the technology had a flaw. Naturally, it was ignored. After the fact, Michael Edwards (Lou Diamond Phillips) suspects there is a problem; so do we.

The formula is standard. We already know the individual characters needed form watching other standard disaster movies and the plethora or tornado knockoffs. Now we get to guess which actor gets to play which character.

We have flying cars before their time.

Finally, they throw in some drones. But I miss big bugs and flame throwers.

So many bad reviews from so many Canadians and Canadian (?) pseudo-scientists. Boo to the bunch. This modest movie followed the formula flicks of the 50s without missing a beat. It didn't have a gigantic budget. Agreed. And the plot didn't ask for gross over-acting (or any kind of profound acting). Agreed. The science is shaky. Agreed. So what are we doing with things like "The Exorcist" when a little girl can turn her head completely around or "Jaws" when sharks become as intelligent as human beings? So much for the verisimilitudes. I suppose it was a bad idea to base the film in Canada. Perhaps it should have been shot in the U.S. Perhaps "King Kong" should have been shot in the tropics or the remake of "The Thing" in Antarctica. So much for the carping about location. The film entertains quite well, the acting is quite satisfactory and the cutting and music quite fine. No, the film doesn't boast Clark Gable or Elizabeth Taylor. Neither does "Psycho" or the original "Dracula". Nor does it have a colossal budget. I enjoyed this film and thought it was well prepared and interesting.

Curtis Stotlar