Blonde

As someone that knows nothing about Marilyn Monroe, I was excited to watch.

I ended up turning it off about 40 mins in. I knew this couldn't be real bc it was so trashy and dark.

I see now this is a fictional awfully made up story. They made Marilyn seem like trash. I can't imagine anything I watched being true.

I couldn't stomach watching another minute so I turned it off. 40 mins of my life I will never get back! I don't know if this was ever in the theater, but I'm happy I didn't pay money to see this.

Blonde could have been a really good movie if they didn't try and make it into a 2022 Hollywood flop.

So first off, the movie made the news when it was said to have a NC-17 rating. We were never really told why. It seems like it was given that rating just to drawn attention to the movie because the movie was had about much language, nudity...etc as a R rated movie.

As for the movie itself.... overhyped trash. This is based on a fictional book and not her true story. It's sad that she can't even get a legit story but instead gets a fake version. All that aside the movie is almost 3 hours long. And its very slow moving. There are some disturbing scenes of course, but nothing really shocking compared to other movies.

You still get the feeling she was abused by everyone of course. But that's about it. Again, since its not her actual story, it feels like your watching some tabloid version of her life. What a waste of time and such overblown hype. But I know it will win Oscars because "critics" will probably love it for some reason.

Only reason I even gave it a three was the actress nailed her voice and how she acted.

There's a moment in the opening wildfire scene where Norma Jean's mother expels a sigh that's equal parts anger and exasperation. Who knew that sigh would become my mantra for the rest of this travesty's runtime? "Blonde" is a cinematic snuff film: sadistic and exploitative in how it revels in Marilyn Monroe's pain. The way director Andrew Dominik indulges in her misery is nauseating.

Jumping from one traumatic fever dream to the next, this joyless film reduces a cultural icon into a punching bag for the parade of leeches, con-men, charlatans, abusers, and vultures in her life, culminating with "Blonde's" director himself. Everyone's queued up to extract their pound of flesh from Marilyn Monroe's legacy in this sick sideshow, both in-camera and behind it.

I've never hate-Googled a DP until now, but holy cow: Chayse Irvin's cinematography is self-indulgent, pompous trend-chasing with zero rhyme or reason. It's three hours of "herp derp I bet this will look dope."

Arbitrary transitions from color to black-and-white; aspect ratio swaps for no cohesive or thematic reason; and "trendy" camera set-ups (I audibly scoffed at the random chest GoPro angle for Bobby Cannavale in one scene) are but a small taste of the incoherent parlor tricks thrown your way over the course of Blonde's nearly three hours.

As if there aren't enough sins to go around, the sloppy, unbalanced sound design comes in as if to say, "hold my beer." There's jarring jumps in volume when Norma Jean's mom screams at her, or when certain sound effects or score elements come in and out. It almost feels like they thought the project was a horror movie that needed jump scares baked in. We must also reserve a special lashing for whoever thought FETUS VOICEOVER would be a worthwhile element to add to this turd-pile of a movie.

I love Ana de Armas' work but whoever signed off on her American accent needs to be drawn and quartered. It vacillates between, "okay fine" to "big yikes." Every time Ana utters "Daddy" was NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD.

The choice to luxuriate in Marilyn Monroe's misery as opposed to condemning the parties who precipitated it is telling. There is a brief moment halfway through where you think Marilyn has finally realized her worth and is ready to speak up for herself as deserving of respect as the freaking reason people come to see her movies, but it putters out as a blip in the grand scheme of the tragedy porn this film prefers to live in.

My biggest regret is viewing this film as part of an in-theater early screening. If I had been watching on Netflix, I could have just ended my misery without much fuss.

If you're going to fictionalize the life of one of the movie icons of the 20th century why go there, to the darkest dark. There are some "invented" moments that are, quite frankly, unforgivable. What kept me glued to the screen was Ana de Armas. A tremendous show of talent and fearlessness. I was wondering what the experience would have been to watch it in a theater with other people? I don't know because in the privacy of my own home I was free to stand up and walk away to pour myself a drink and shout at the screen. The awful Kennedy episode for instance. Why? That episode in particular made me question the intention of the filmmakers. So, yes, I can say now that I've seen it. Loved some it and detested some it.

Marilyn Monroe was a great artist and this movie could've been a great opportunity to teach younger audiences about who she was. But for some reason, they decide to tell a fictional story. She has the same name, plays in the same movies, and sings the same songs, but many events are made up. It's so misleading when movies do this. It's not a movie about Marilyn Monroe, it's a movie about a mentally ill actress. Monroe was more than a mentally ill sex symbol. She was intelligent and a great artist - which doesn't come across in this movie.

Ana de Armas is okay in the movie. She looks and sounds like Monroe, but she is naked for an uncomfortable amount of time in the movie. It's not just the fact that she's naked, but she's naked for no apparent reason. If her being naked adds nothing to the story you might as well let her put some clothes on.